Tag: manipulation

A Time of Woe (Isaiah 5:15-24)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year BLeave a comment
The Prophet Isaiah, by Raphael, 1512

So people will be brought low
    and everyone humbled,
    the eyes of the arrogant humbled.
But the Lord Almighty will be exalted by his justice,
    and the holy God will be proved holy by his righteous acts.
Then sheep will graze as in their own pasture;
    lambs will feed among the ruins of the rich.

Woe to those who draw sin along with cords of deceit,
    and wickedness as with cart ropes,
to those who say, “Let God hurry;
    let him hasten his work
    so we may see it.
The plan of the Holy One of Israel—
    let it approach, let it come into view,
    so we may know it.”

Woe to those who call evil good
    and good evil,
who put darkness for light
    and light for darkness,
who put bitter for sweet
    and sweet for bitter.

Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes
    and clever in their own sight.

Woe to those who are heroes at drinking wine
    and champions at mixing drinks,
who acquit the guilty for a bribe,
    but deny justice to the innocent.
Therefore, as tongues of fire lick up straw
    and as dry grass sinks down in the flames,
so their roots will decay
    and their flowers blow away like dust;
for they have rejected the law of the Lord Almighty
    and spurned the word of the Holy One of Israel. (New International Version)

I’m willing to bet that you, like me, have had to contend with some rather annoying and obnoxious people from time to time in your life.

It’s the person whose head is so big, they can barely walk in and out of a room. And when they talk, it’s usually about themselves, the great things they’ve done, and what they think – not framed as opinions but as the truth.

Since this sort of person rarely listens to anyone, they have no clue about the real needs of people in front of them. Their self-inflated importance is to the degree that they don’t ask and are not curious; yet they demand of others. They see no problem with double-standards. It’s okay for them to bribe, even steal from another. But if you cross the self-important person, look out, because they’ll hunt you down like an animal.

Yes, such people exist. And there are typically some deep psychological reasons why they are so arrogant and difficult to be around. Yet the best thing to know about them is that the true Sovereign of the universe, God, is the rightful judge who will handle them.

If you see a path of destruction on the ground, you know a tornado has touched down and done its damage. And if you observe a bunch of people devastated and demoralized, you know that the haughty and self-important person has been through and laid waste to people’s lives.

The Lord almighty is not okay with such people moving about and hurting others with impunity; the wicked will have to contend with the One who knows what’s going on.

God looks and sees – and pronounces appropriate woes (curses) upon those who feign righteousness and holiness, yet in reality do anything but.

You can easily tell what God abhors by what sorts of behavior receives a disapproving woe upon it. God condemns self-indulgence and self-absorption. This shows itself in how one drinks and does business. The sheer accumulation of land, resources, and strong drink – without any sort of regard to one’s neighbor – is a foolish use of wealth.

The self-absorbed and self-important person becomes desensitized to the needs of others. They also become insensitive to God’s concerns and workings in the world. To disregard the poor and needy is to disregard God. Such injustice, resulting from only caring about oneself, is why the Lord levels divine woes upon them.

Actions and inactions both have consequences. Acting selfishly through wanton accumulation is an equal inaction against the community. As a result of so much economic disparity and carelessness in society, God displaces and deports the ones who arrogantly and smugly believed they are secure.

There is accountability in this world, even though it may not sometimes seem like it. There are ethical requirements and moral imperatives. The social laws contained in the covenant code between God and Israel were expected to be honored. So, when they were continually and habitually ignored, the Lord held the people accountable.

The selfishly proud and arrogant, who acquire all they can and become masters of small worlds, will eventually face ruin by means of divine judgment. It’s as if persons had so loaded their backpacks with sin, that it became heavy to the point of self-crushing.

Divine intervention is either a very good thing, or a very bad thing, depending upon who you are. People are expected to be self-aware enough to know the difference between right and wrong, bad and good, just and unjust. To not know this is to be self-addicted and unable to make proper discernments and decisions.

If you are reading or listening to this, you are likely a person who is concerned enough to care for others and is not lost in yourself. Yet, you likely have to contend with a few persons who are only in this life for themselves. So, watch out and do your best to avoid people who do the following:

  • Manipulate through deceptive language. There are some people in positions of authority or power who intentionally obscure, cover up, and confuse things. If you never know how things stand and are doing, then beware.
  • Independent without accountability. There is no interdependent relationships, and only obedience when it suits them. The constant caginess, and lack of vulnerability, is a warning. If you feel like you’re being micro-managed without much ability to ask specific questions and get straight answers, then look out.
  • Distort how things really are. I’m talking about gaslighting. Gaslighting is the attempt by another to accept the gaslighter’s view of reality as your own. And in the gaslighter’s quest, it seems to you as if there is continually chaos and you are off kilter. If you question it to them, then you will most likely be accused of having a problem. It’s not you. So, skedaddle the first chance you get.

The bottom line of it all is that God is rejected and there are people reneging on their commitments to the Lord. You need not be such a person, and you don’t need to live in such a way that another is in complete control of your life – other than God.

Take note of what the Lord dislikes and despises, and keep away from persons who set up themselves as being akin to God.

Grant us, Lord God, a vision of your world as your love would have it:
a world where the weak are protected, and none go hungry or poor;
a world where the riches of creation are shared, and everyone can enjoy them;
a world where different races and cultures live in harmony and mutual respect;
a world where peace is built with justice, and justice is guided by love.
Give us the inspiration and courage to build it, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Trust vs. Trickery (Genesis 30:25-36)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year ALeave a comment
Jacob and Laban, by Pietro da Cortona (1596-1669)

After Joseph was born, Jacob said to Laban, “Release me from our agreement and let me return to my own country. You know how hard I’ve worked for you, so let me take my wives and children and leave.”

But Laban told him, “If you really are my friend, stay on, and I’ll pay whatever you ask. I’m sure the Lord has blessed me because of you.”

Jacob answered:

You’ve seen how hard I’ve worked for you, and you know how your flocks and herds have grown under my care. You didn’t have much before I came, but the Lord has blessed everything I have ever done for you. Now it’s time for me to start looking out for my own family.

“How much do you want me to pay you?” Laban asked.

Then Jacob told him:

I don’t want you to pay me anything. Just do one thing, and I’ll take care of your sheep and goats. Let me go through your flocks and herds and take the sheep and goats that are either spotted or speckled and the black lambs. That’s all you need to give me. In the future you can easily find out if I’ve been honest. Just look and see if my animals are either spotted or speckled, or if the lambs are black. If they aren’t, they’ve been stolen from you.

“I agree to that,” was Laban’s response. Before the end of the day, Laban had separated his spotted and speckled animals and the black lambs from the others and had put his sons in charge of them. Then Laban made Jacob keep the rest of the sheep and goats at a distance of three days’ journey. (Contemporary English Version)

Jacob left home by himself and went to his mother’s family. After twenty years away, he had two wives and twelve sons by four different women. He had worked for his father-in-law Laban for all that time – all to Laban’s advantage. During those twenty years, there was plenty of complicated and awkward family drama.

Now Jacob was ready to be done with all that. He wanted to move on and go back to the place of his family origin. But, of course, Laban had a good thing going and did not want Jacob to leave. So, he did his best to convince him to stay. Jacob was able to set his own terms. And there was some space put between his burgeoning family and his in-law’s.

But returning is a lot more difficult than leaving. When I left home as a young man I had all my worldly possessions in a ’74 Chevy Vega. And when I returned to the land of my origins, it was in a large rental truck with a wife a three kids. There was a lot of logistics involved, not to mention all the relationships we left.

For twenty years, Jacob and Laban did a weird relational dance. They were both tricky dudes, and were continually attempting to maneuver and outmaneuver the other. Yet, Jacob mostly got the brunt of unfairness.

In reality, Jacob owed Laban nothing. He had agreed to work for him fourteen years in total. But he could take nothing with him except his family – which would leave him with no means of support. And Laban was not about to give his son-in-law any support outside of his fatherly-in-law control.

Jacob came up with a strange set of terms concerning the flocks of sheep. Laban logically calculates that Jacob is unlikely to gain much profit from the plan, and can still keep the status quo going. So it becomes a done deal.

In a typical relational dynamic which they have become accustomed to, Laban himself sorts the flock, removes all the spotted and speckled sheep to a safe distance, and leaves Jacob with the rest.

So, if Jacob is to acquire any flock of his own, he needs to discover a way of breeding multicolored sheep from monochrome ones – a task which seems to be improbable if not impossible. But that’s exactly what Jacob does in the end, and that is yet the subject of another Old Testament lesson….

So, exactly what is today’s lesson? Life is anything but a nice, neat trajectory upwards toward achieving goals. Rather, life is a series of twists and turns, leading us to often take three steps forward and two steps backward in a herky-jerky sort of journey. Yet, behind it all, the Lord’s promises are still there, still in effect, still being worked out, in order to be fully realized. Nothing and no one is going to derail the plans and purposes of God.

Sometimes we need to be reminded that God is the giver of prosperity, and not anyone or anything else.

When you become successful, don’t say, “I’m rich, and I’ve earned it all myself.” Instead, remember that the Lord your God gives you the strength to make a living. That’s how he keeps the promise he made to your ancestors. (Deuteronomy 8:17-18, CEV)

To the person who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. (Ecclesiastes 2:26, NIV)

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. (James 1:5, NIV)

We may, at times, feel the need to acquire what we want through trickery or manipulation. However, there is a God in heaven who sees and who cares. The Lord delights is being generous and giving to us, that is, if we are aware and attentive enough to ask. We might not get what we want immediately, and it likely won’t be easy, but we shall nonetheless receive it. We only need to trust.

Heavenly Father, source of all life, we thank you for the many ways in which you have blessed and enriched our lives: Keep us from possessiveness and greed, and lead us into the greater joy of sharing your gifts with others, through Jesus Christ, in whom is perfect peace. Amen.

Psalm 120 – Gaslighting Trouble

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year CLeave a comment
Ingrid Bergman and Charles Boyer in the 1944 film, “Gaslight”

I’m in trouble. I cry to God,
    desperate for an answer:
“Deliver me from the liars, God!
    They smile so sweetly but lie through their teeth.”

Do you know what’s next, can you see what’s coming,
    all you bold-faced liars?
Pointed arrows and burning coals
    will be your reward.

I’m doomed to live in Meshech,
    cursed with a home in Kedar,
My whole life lived camping
    among quarreling neighbors.
I’m all for peace, but the minute
    I tell them so, they go to war! (The Message)

I wish we lived in a world where people always speak and live the truth in love, without lying, pretense, or posturing. But we don’t. Not everyone embraces a life of encouraging others through truthful affirmation and selfless acts of service.

In reading today’s psalm, I immediately think of all the patients I’ve seen as a chaplain on my behavioral health unit who have been gaslighted.

“Gaslighting” is a recent term, yet the concept is as old as Satan’s interaction with Adam and Eve in the Garden. The word comes from the 1944 movie, “Gaslight,” starring Charles Boyer and Ingrid Bergman. In the attempt to drive his wife insane, the husband rigs the gaslights of the house so they will flicker at night. Whenever his wife comments on it, her husband flat-out lies and says the lights are not flickering at all. I’ll let you watch the film yourself to see what happens.

A person who “gaslights” uses psychological manipulation to gain and assert control over someone or some group. Gaslighters actively undermine others, using their words against them, plotting nefarious plans for them behind their backs, lying without so much of a blink of an eye, and turning family or friends against someone – all with the insidious agenda of increasing their power over that person and solidifying their dependence from the victim.

All of this gaslighting behavior is done with a smile, said with syrupy words to hook you, rather than help you. That, of course, makes it hard to spot – which is why it is so devilish. If the gaslighter can get you to doubt yourself, your abilities, or your perception of reality, then they can worm themselves into your life and plant their thoughts inside you.

Gaslighters don’t want peace. They want conflict. People at war give them an opportunity to gain more influence and power. Plus, they just plain like to watch others fight amongst themselves. It gives them a sense of control.

Today’s psalm is part of the psalms of ascent – songs used by the community as they walk their pilgrimage to Jerusalem and up the temple mount. The people collectively lament the gaslighting activity of those who oppose and hate them. And they turn to God, who abhors gaslighters, seeking solace and safety from their evil ways.

The gaslighter’s end is certain. They will have to contend with the God who will not be manipulated by anyone. Although it is not our job to punish sinners, it very much is our responsibility to see and avoid gaslighting as much as possible, as well as, God forbid, becoming a gaslighter ourselves. To that end, take note of some of the manipulative marks of gaslighters and patterns of gaslighting:

  • Pitting people against one another. This is done a variety of ways through gossip masked as trying to help, subtle slander, and carefully placed lies.
  • Avoiding responsibility. The gaslighter never owns their words and actions but are experts at blaming others for whatever goes awry.
  • Creating fights and conflicts. Gaslighters chronically avoid the dirty work. They get others riled-up at each other, then sit back and look for an opportunity to seize control over the warring parties.
  • Sucking-up to others. Flattery is a well-worn tool of gaslighters. They are masters at buttering-up people to get what they want.
  • Comparing people. This is just another way of driving a wedge between people. “Why can’t you be like ___?”
  • Mistreating the weak and powerless. The weak have no value for the gaslighter because the powerless have nothing to offer them. So, oppression becomes a means of getting the weak out of the way, like they’re some pesky insect to get rid of.
  • Bragging about accomplishments and stealing other’s. Gaslighters will always take the credit for an accomplishment and then boast about it, all the while badgering the victim.
  • Not keeping promises. Usually there’s a bait and switch where the gaslighter will promise something, then switch the rules or tell a bold-faced lie that they never promised that.

There is much more gaslighting behavior, but you get the drift. The best way to deal with a gaslighter? Get as far away from them as you can, find genuine supportive relationships, and leave them to God.

Today’s psalm can be your prayer to the Lord, offering a heartfelt plea to the Divine Being who does the opposite of gaslighting: strengthening you, giving you power, listening to your voice, and loving you with complete altruistic motives.

Eternal Father, you created us in your own image and likeness, but sin has warped the minds of humanity so that there is much injustice and much carelessness of the rights of other people in this fallen world. I pray you will right every wrong and vindicate those being treated unjustly. Keep us, your people, from trying to take matters into our own hands for vengeance. Give justice and peace to all those who have been cruelly and unfairly treated. May the injustice they have endured be the means to draw them into the saving arms of your grace, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Matthew 18:6-9 – Say “No” to Temptation

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year BLeave a comment

“If you cause one of these little ones who trusts in me to fall into sin, it would be better for you to have a large millstone tied around your neck and be drowned in the depths of the sea.

What sorrow awaits the world because it tempts people to sin. Temptations are inevitable, but what sorrow awaits the person who does the tempting. So, if your hand or foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It’s better to enter eternal life with only one hand or one foot than to be thrown into eternal fire with both of your hands and feet. And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It’s better to enter eternal life with only one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell.” (New Living Translation)

It’s probably a good idea not to get on the wrong side of Jesus.

Throughout the Gospels, Jesus utilized a variety of teaching methods to communicate his message. In today’s Gospel lesson, Christ used the language of hyperbole to arrest attention and get his point across.

A universal truism of this world is that sin exists. In Holy Scripture, sin is anything people do or say – or fail to do and say – which damages or destroys another’s or one self’s physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual wellbeing.

Greed, envy, gluttony, sloth, anger, lust, and pride abound no matter where one goes on this planet. Sin is downright awful. It causes people to stumble, and, when unchecked, leads to personal and corporate chaos, unrest, and destruction. 

Whenever sin is viewed merely as a character flaw, or simply part of the fabric of organizations and institutions, then hellfire is not far off. Hell exists because of sin. 

We get the flavor that Jesus took sin quite serious. Christ considers sin so terrible and heinous that he deliberately used the height of hyperbole to communicate that radical, drastic, and decisive action must unequivocally be taken to get rid of it. 

The Lord Jesus wanted there to be no mistake in his communication: Sin is not something to dabble in or take a shallow approach; rather, sin must be eradicated, at all costs. The language is severe: If your hand, foot, or eye causes you to sin, cut it off. It’s better to enter life crippled or blind rather than be thrown into a suffering hell.

Temptations will inevitably come. Yet, how we handle those temptations and what we do with them is of eternal significance. 

We must get to the root of the sin – which happens through succumbing to temptation – and re-arrange our lives, alter our schedules, and change our lives in a radical way to remove putting ourselves in a position to sin. 

Solid daily spiritual habits of Scripture reading and prayer; time for sleep and rest; attention to Sabbath; and a regular exercise regimen are all ways to help ensure that temptation will not win the day.

And God forbid that we cause another to sin because we are hangry, tired, and out of shape because we’ve neglected ourselves for far too long. Self-care isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity. Other people get hurt when we hurt ourselves.

Your self-care is always a valid excuse to say “no.”

If we take the words of Jesus to heart, perhaps we will gain awareness of the ways we need to metaphorically cut off a hand or gouge out an eye. For many people, this means learning to say “no.”

There doesn’t always need to be an explanation for assertively and courteously saying the word “no.” If an explanation is warranted, it should be brief. The word “no” doesn’t mean we are selfish pricks trying to wriggle out of responsibility. “No” simply realizes we are finite creatures with limited time, energy, and resources. Unlike God, we cannot do it all.

Setting personal boundaries is both wise and necessary. Without them, we let others chain us in bondage to their agendas. A lack of personal boundaries also typically means that the boundary-less person continually violates others’ boundaries. Since there are no fences in their own lives, they feel they can hop anybody else’s fence in front of them.

Violating someone’s space through mental or emotional manipulation, spiritual abuse, or bodily harm is sin. Jesus wants radical action to deal with such offense of others.

For the Christian, priority must be given to saying “yes” to Jesus, which then allows a “no” to come when there are competing priorities. A person unclear on their values and priorities will chronically violate others. If you have a specific plan of doing the will of God before being confronted with another person’s request, you’re more likely to stick to your original plan.

Jesus continually said “yes” to the Father. This framed and formed his earthly life so that he crossed social boundaries to speak to a Samaritan woman, a tax collector, and a leper – while maintaining the respect of another’s personal boundary by asking if they want to be helped and healed.

Sin is horrible – which is why Jesus went to the ultimate length to deal with it. He sacrificed himself and suffered an ignominious death so that sin’s power would be crushed, so that you and I could say “no” to temptation.

Holy God, you sent your Son to this earth to deal decisively with the world’s sin.  I choose today to walk in the forgiveness you offer through Jesus, and to avail myself of the Spirit’s power to forsake temptation in all its forms.  Amen.