Tag: illness

Straddling Two Worlds

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality BlogLeave a comment

“You are not far from the kingdom of God.” (Mark 12:34)

It really sucks being sick, no matter what the particular illness is.

I realize those may be strange words coming from a tenured and ordained church pastor and hospital chaplain. Nevertheless, it is a truism which far too many people know about intimately.

Yet, there might be something even worse than the devastating effects of one’s own ill health – whether it be cancer or a cold, epilepsy or constipation – and that is the awful grinding reality that someone you love dearly is suffering beyond what you can do for them. If you could take their place, you’d do it in a heartbeat.

And, honestly, many, if not most, people are in one of those situations right this very minute – either needing care or being the caregiver.

As I was walking through my neighborhood last night, as I often do after the day’s sunset, I couldn’t help thinking about all my neighbors inside those lighted rooms. Every single person, I felt and knew in my bones, was going through some sort of illness that’s impeding the quality of their life; or they’re struggling to know how to pray for that friend or loved one who is profoundly ill, wondering what to do, at all.

Debilitating illness is one of those realities of the human condition that appears to be so devilishly odd in a world where billions of people worship God. If there is such a divine Being, where the hell is he!? Why do I feel so helpless?

There is something else for us to contemplate – that we live in a weird space between two worlds. The first world we are quite familiar with – the tangible reality of our five senses. But this other world is a place we are much more unfamiliar with; it has multiple if not millions of senses which we cannot see, hear, feel, taste, or touch with our physical capabilities.

Something inside of us, besides our literal brains, hearts, and guts, existentially knows that deep within us is a soul. I personally don’t care much what you want to call it – spirit, metaphysical awareness, biological wirings, gut feelings, etc. But there is a special place inside of us that is ready-made to connect with that other ethereal world of the spirit and soul.

Let me ask: What makes a young woman with cancer become driven to make a difference in the world, even though she may die tomorrow? Where does the desire bubble-up for a heart patient who could be gone before the day is out to say something of great value that family and friends will forever remember and record?

And what makes you and I get out of bed in the morning, desiring to impact the world in significant ways that makes things better, not worse?

I confess that far too often, in my own ill health, as well as the debilitations of my dear wife, I throw a daily little pity party complete with doll sized cups along with juicy gossip of how others don’t understand.

I rehearse old wounds from the past, wish things were different in the present, and fear for what is to come in the future. O, my friends, you already know this is no way to live a good life.

If we’re going to live with any sort of faith, hope, and love, we will need to recognize our place in-between these two worlds of earth and spirit.

I wish I could tell you that I have it all worked out, that I could give you some short pithy statements of experiential truth which will transform your life experience.

But I don’t.

So, here is what I try my darndest to do ever single day, as a person who seeks to touch both worlds, and who is devoted to the person of Jesus: I surrender to Love. I give myself to what is most important. And when I fail, I let divine forgiveness wash over me.

I luxuriate in the spiritual world’s reality that if somehow I lose myself, I will find Jesus – or rather that Jesus will find me. Love has its own mysterious ways of making the right connections when they need to happen.

I bask in the profound paradox that in renouncing everything I have and everything I am, I gain the greatest possessions in existence – and they are found on that other side, in the spiritual world.

I freely humble myself and resign myself to the words and ways of Jesus – even when they make no sense in the earthly world. “Love your enemy.” Really!? Okay, I’ll give it a go… and it is amazing to always see the results that happen inside of me, and in the other spiritual world, that have little to do with that other person.

The medieval mystics are not popular with a lot of people. I admit Christian mystics are strange people, and have the sort of demands of the Old Testament prophets. But I love them.

One of my favorites, Thomas à Kempis, is insistent that if you lose yourself, you will find Jesus. To resign oneself completely to Jesus, fully and totally without any wavering, is to find the appropriate sweet spot between the two worlds of physical and spiritual. Writing to his young acolytes, Thomas minces no words:

“Let this be the goal of your striving and the object of your prayer, namely, to desire to be stripped of all your belongings, and once naked, that you may be ready to follow the naked Jesus. You must die to yourself to live eternally with me.” (The Imitation of Christ)

Sometimes this happens intentionally, as one longs to connect with the Christ they sense around them. In other ways, much like C.S. Lewis, other people come kicking and screaming to the place between the worlds.

Yet, by whichever means we get there, a place of grace opens to us. From that awkward vantage point – between health and illness – we discover that binary explanations have no place in this realm. Instead, all of us move between the worlds throughout our lives.

And, I would suggest, that the best and most effective way of navigating those worlds is taking the strong advice of both the medieval Thomas and the ancient Jesus. Little do we know how close we are to finding peace and purpose in our upside-down lives:

Now when Jesus was asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom of God would come, He answered them and said, “The kingdom of God does not come with observation; nor will they say, ‘See here!’ or ‘See there!’ For indeed, the kingdom of God is within you.” (Luke 17:20-21, NKJV)

What we truly want and long for is no further than the hospital bed we’re occupying, or any other place we find ourselves in. And, furthermore, the place to find how to help that dear loved one is to journey within ourselves, not without.

If you are like me, you don’t much like limitations. I like the feeling of handling multiple responsibilities and accomplishing them with care and competence. The last thing I want is anything or anyone getting in my way of fulfilling great and meaningful work.

But I have had to learn that my limitations – which grow every day – are actually the key to knowing how to live the Christian life, as well as just plain old life in general.

The more I become aware of my true abilities, accept them, and move with them, the more I see that the world does not spin on the axis of my ability to accomplish anything. And the more dependent I realize I truly am, the more I observe the Christ who has everything under control – even when it seems God is absent.

It is to be expected that God will eventually put us in places of great limitation. Yes,  it will frustrate us in our seeming inability to effect any sort of change to an unjust situation. We just want whatever the offending circumstance is to be exorcised from this world. Yet, it rarely, if ever, happens.

This is not some demented divine game which God is playing on us – to be caught between worlds, and to struggle with all our might to make the best of our situations as people who are both sinner and saint, sick and well, sinister and full of goodness.

No, the nature of our common human condition of hard circumstances as people of faith is meant to strengthen our allegiance and our hope, so that we may be Christians publicly displaying who God is like, and that there is such a thing as truth in the public square.

“…even though you have to suffer different kinds of trouble for a little while now. The purpose of these troubles is to test your faith as fire tests how genuine gold is. Your faith is more precious than gold, and by passing the test, it gives praise, glory, and honor to God…” (1 Peter 1:6-7, GW)

It is downright hard trying to straddle between the two worlds of spiritual hope and physical adversity. But it’s necessary, even if we are unable to discern this reality for now. Every small decision of faith made in love with a good heart has immense impact in the universe, although we may never see that great and good consequence this side of heaven.

Living between two worlds will always be difficult. And it requires a level of surrender to God that is scary. Yet we can still be safe, strong, and spiritual; because we are all in this human condition together.

Are You Looking for Healing? (Mark 3:7-12)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year BLeave a comment

Jesus departed with his disciples to the sea, and a great multitude from Galilee followed him; hearing all that he was doing, they came to him in great numbers from Judea, Jerusalem, Idumea, beyond the Jordan, and the region around Tyre and Sidon. He told his disciples to have a boat ready for him because of the crowd, so that they would not crush him, for he had cured many, so that all who had diseases pressed upon him to touch him. Whenever the unclean spirits saw him, they fell down before him and shouted, “You are the Son of God!” But he sternly ordered them not to make him known. (New Revised Standard Version)

A man’s shriveled hand was restored in full view of all the public. From then on, throngs of people came to check out what was happening. Jesus was well into his earthly ministry and created quite a buzz amongst everyone in Palestine. The ancient paparazzi even started following him around.

There were more fans rushing to see Jesus than Swiftys at a sighting of Taylor Swift. Like having the limousine ready after a concert to get away from the huge crowds, so Jesus instructed his disciples to have a boat ready for him in order to avoid the great crush of people.

Christ’s reputation of curing the sick and infirmed had reached such a critical mass that thousands were determined to at least touch him and experience long-awaited healing. And, really, you can’t really blame them, can you?

Maybe you’ve never experienced debilitating chronic pain – day after day not being able to get away from it’s awful effects in both body and soul. Or perhaps you have no idea what it’s like to live with depression constantly dogging you, just waiting to take a bite out of your life and devour you like some piece of meat.

A lot of people know what it’s like to live with infirmities that they don’t want and didn’t ask for. And they’ve tried everything to either get rid of it, or cope with it, somehow.

In fact, there are so many such persons living on planet earth, that when they had a snowball’s chance at getting to Jesus, they dropped everything and took it – going after him and not caring one bit if they themselves got crushed from all the other people trying to get help.

That, my friend, is how many people there are with great physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs on this planet.

We could go the route of playing arm chair observer and criticize the great crowd of people for being nothing but a bunch of fans who wanted to see the latest fad in Jesus. But, if you get up close with boots-on-the-ground, you will see a different picture: thousands of people looking for hope, health, and wholeness, wanting to be “normal” like everyone else.

The problem? Normal is nothing more than a social construct. For the infirmed, it’s likely not going to happen. For those believing they’re normal, in truth, they have a profound lack of awareness to their own great need.

No, we’re all abnormal; all of us are disordered, or diseased, or distressed in some sort of way. It turns out that we all need Jesus; some of us just know it much more profoundly than others.

Jesus was not only about to be crushed from physical bodies pressing in on him; he was going to be crushed by the sheer weight of the world’s tremendous need for healing.

But he was pierced for our transgressions,
    he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
    and by his wounds we are healed.
We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
    each of us has turned to our own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
    the iniquity of us all. (Isaiah 53:5-6, NIV)

At this point in Christ’s ministry, a significant shift began. Rather than entering a synagogue and speaking only to Jews, Jesus started addressing Gentiles, as well. In fact, the crowds wanting to see him came not only from exclusively Jewish locations, but also from other places.

This ministry of Christ raised the attention of the demonic realm. It was a major threat to the demons’ influence on people. Identifying him as the Son of God and calling Jesus out by that name was a way for the demons to reassert their power and try to get some leverage. Names are actually a big deal. Which is why, for example, Jesus once asked a demoniac in the cemetery what his name is.

That’s one way a name is powerful. Yet, when it comes to you and me, the fact that Jesus knows your name, and my name, is a mighty thing in a very different way. Rather than having demons making the Son of God known, Christ grants us the authority to make the name of Jesus known throughout the world.

Even though the redemptive events of Jesus happened two thousand years ago, great crowds of people still come to Jesus, clamoring for but a touch of his grace. And the forces of darkness are still hanging around, knowing that their time is short.

Yes, there is still healing and wholeness to be found in Jesus, even today. And even though there remain some forces of darkness in opposition to it, the victory has already been achieved.

O God the Father, whose will for us and for all your people is health and salvation,

Have mercy on us.

O God the Son, who came that we might have life and have it in abundance,

Have mercy on us.

O God the Holy Spirit, whose indwelling makes our bodies the temples of your presence,

Have mercy on us.

O Triune God, we pray you to hear us, and that you will grant your grace to all who stand in need of healing both of body and spirit, and lead them to look with confidence in you;

We beseech you to hear us, O Lord.

That you will grant patience and perseverance to all who are disabled by injury or illness, and increase their courage,

We beseech you to hear us, O Lord.

That you will grant peace to all who are troubled by confusion or pain, and set their minds at rest,

We beseech you to hear us, O Lord.

That you will grant relief from suffering to all sick children, and give them a sure sense of your tender love and care,

We beseech you to hear us, O Lord.

That you will grant rest to all whose increasing years bring weariness, distress, or loneliness, and give them the abiding comfort of your presence,

We beseech you to hear us, O Lord.

That you will grant confidence to all about to undergo surgery or difficult procedures, and keep them free from fear,

We beseech you to hear us, O Lord.

That you will grant purpose to the church as it seeks to carry on Christ’s ministry of healing to suffering humanity, and keep it always true to the gospel of Christ,

We beseech you to hear us, O Lord.

That you will grant skill and compassion to doctors, nurses, technicians, aides, and all who are called to  practice medical arts, and make strong their dedication to help others,

We beseech you to hear us, O Lord.

That you will grant to all people the refreshment of quiet sleep and joy of resting in your everlasting arms, that we may rejoice in your care while we are on earth, and in the world to come, have eternal life.

We beseech you to hear us, O Lord.

O God, who in Jesus Christ called us out of darkness into your marvelous light; enable us always to declare your wonderful deeds, thank you for your steadfast love, and praise your with heart, soul, mind, and strength, now and forever.

Amen, and amen.

A Lot of Hurting, Touching, and Healing (Luke 6:12-19)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year ALeave a comment
Jesus calls his twelve disciples, by Sadao Watanabe

One of those days Jesus went out to a mountainside to pray, and spent the night praying to God. When morning came, he called his disciples to him and chose twelve of them, whom he also designated apostles: Simon (whom he named Peter), his brother Andrew, James, John, Philip, Bartholomew, Matthew, Thomas, James son of Alphaeus, Simon who was called the Zealot, Judas son of James, and Judas Iscariot, who became a traitor.

He went down with them and stood on a level place. A large crowd of his disciples was there and a great number of people from all over Judea, from Jerusalem, and from the coastal region around Tyre and Sidon, who had come to hear him and to be healed of their diseases. Those troubled by impure spirits were cured, and the people all tried to touch him, because power was coming from him and healing them all. (New International Version)

Pain is a lot

Touch is important. Humanity needs touch. It’s also one of those things that we likely take for granted. 

Philip Yancey and Dr. Paul Brand co-authored a book, originally published in 1982, entitled “Pain: The Gift Nobody Wants.” It’s largely a biography of Dr. Brand, who pioneered both the diagnosis and prognosis of leprosy. 

He discovered that leprosy occurs because of a lack of feeling – an inability to sense touch. The delicate nerve endings we all have in our fingers and toes are numb to the leper. The lack of sensing pain in the extremities leads to small cuts or injuries, which would be immediately treated by someone who feels pain, becoming gangrene with the losing of fingers and toes.

The ability to feel, to reach out and touch another person, is vitally important to our spiritual and emotional lives. Without touch, the calloused heart and unfeeling soul does not realize the damage that is being done to it.           

One of the gifts we have as people is the ability to feel guilt, sorrow, disappointment, and pain – to be touched mentally, emotionally, and spiritually – as well as physically. And in our ability to feel pain, it brings about attention to prayer and addressing the situation.

Many people are troubled in either mind or spirit, or experience chronic ailments of the body, day in and day out. They just want relief, to be at peace in both body and soul.

Jesus prays… a lot

In today’s Gospel lesson, Luke puts together two stories: one of Jesus choosing and calling his twelve disciples; and then one of Jesus being among the people and healing them of their diseases and their troubles. Let’s observe the relationship between them.

Jesus often withdrew to lonely, isolated places in order to pray (Luke 5:16). On this particular occasion, he went out and spent the entire night in prayer to God. When morning came, we discover the reason for the all-night prayer meeting: Christ chose the people who would be closest to him in his earthly ministry. He called the twelve to follow him and be his disciples.

I find it highly instructive that Jesus spent so much time in prayer before making such big decisions about his ministry. If anyone could size up somebody as a potential follower, it seems to me it would be Jesus. And yet, there was a lot of deliberation and interaction with the Father. Since the Lord Jesus found it necessary to pray with an extending time, and consult with the heavenly Father, I would say that our own prayer life and reaching out to consult and collaborate could probably use an upgrade.

Jesus heals… a lot of people

Then, Jesus and his disciples, together enter the fray of the crowd. And the disciples get their first lesson in following Jesus: Christ-centered ministry is about healing – it’s about restoring people to physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health.

Healing is at the heart of all real Christian ministry. And healing is really what everyone is to be about, whether they identify as Christian, or not. To be healed is to experience a holistic restoration of body, mind, emotions, and spirit.

Touch is a big part of healing. Physical touch is important, and it’s powerful. Sometimes, bodily healing is needed because a person has been physically abused, or experienced some sort of physical trauma. And it can be very difficult to have others touch them, after such experiences. Yet, part of the healing will be in experiencing redemptive touch – either by surgeons, family, friends, or trusted others. The answer to bad touch and bad pain is to experience good touch and the good pain of healing.

Non-physical touch is no less important. And, I believe, Jesus understood this perhaps more than most. He routinely “touched” people in ways that changed their lives. Christ sought to not only bring physical healing, but also to heal the mental, emotional, and spiritual wounds.

Jesus touches… a lot of lives

Jesus touched a lot of lives through his healing ministry:

  • In healing lepers of their disease, Christ made sure that they were no longer ostracized from the community but were restored to full function in society.
  • In curing persons demonized and tormented by evil spirits, Jesus was concerned to restore them to their right mind and ensure they were included as members of society, as well as restored to their families.
  • In bringing salvation from guilt and shame, Jesus brought reconciliation and restoration between God and sinners.
  • In all his relational interactions, Jesus was intentional about making connections to the lonely and the lost, to those who were emotionally cut off from the mass of society.

So, whenever we feel pain – whether in body, mind, emotion, or spirit – this experience lets us know that we need to pay attention to something. As we do that, it can drive us to the source of healing, wholeness, and restoration. We go to prayer – not out of duty – but because we are convinced that there are divine resources only God can provide.

And we can come, again and again, finding the grace to help us in our time of need. For God’s mercy is inexhaustible; the grace of God will never run out or run dry.

Therefore, let followers of Jesus everywhere be aqueducts of grace, angels of mercy, and agents of healing in a world which so desperately needs the love, care, and attention we can give them.

May God the Father bless you; God the Son heal you; and God the Holy Spirit give you strength. May God the holy and undivided Trinity guard your body, save your soul, protect your mind, and bring you safely to his heavenly country; where he lives and reigns for ever and ever. Amen.

Depression Is Our Teacher (Psalm 102:1-17)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year CLeave a comment

Lord, hear my prayer!
    Let my cry reach you!

Don’t hide your face from me
    in my time of trouble!
Listen to me!
    Answer me quickly as I cry out!

Because my days disappear like smoke,
    my bones are burned up as if in an oven;
    my heart is smashed like dried-up grass.
    I even forget to eat my food
    because of my intense groans.
    My bones are protruding from my skin.

I’m like some wild owl—
    like some screech owl in the desert.
I lie awake all night.
    I’m all alone like a bird on a roof.

All day long my enemies make fun of me;
    those who mock me curse using my name!

I’ve been eating ashes instead of bread.
    I’ve been mixing tears into my drinks
        because of your anger and wrath,
        because you picked me up and threw me away.

My days are like a shadow soon gone.
    I’m dried up like dead grass.

But you, Lord, rule forever!
    Your fame lasts from one generation to the next!

You will stand up—
        you’ll have compassion on Zion
        because it is time to have mercy on her—
    the time set for that has now come!

Your servants cherish Zion’s stones;
    they show mercy even to her dirt.

The nations will honor the Lord’s name;
    all the earth’s rulers will honor your glory
    because the Lord will rebuild Zion;
    he will be seen there in his glory.

God will turn to the prayer of the impoverished;
    he won’t despise their prayers. (Common English Bible)

Author Marianne Williamson tells the story concerning a study of a group of chimpanzees. Supposedly, researchers observed primate behavior which correlates to human depression, such as eating at odd times, spending lots of time alone, and staying on the outskirts of the group. This behavior was observed in about 10% of the chimps, which is about the same percentage of Americans who show symptoms of depression. 

The scientists removed the depressed chimps for six months, to see how this would affect the behavior of the other 90%. You might think that in the absence of the depressed individuals, the remaining majority would produce another 10% of depressed chimps. Instead, when scientists returned six months later, all the non-depressed chimps were dead.

The interpretation and conclusion of the study is that the depressed chimps had functioned as a kind of early warning system, continually looking out for predators, tropical storms, and other threats to the group. Without that system in place, the group was doomed.

Whether the study can be substantiated, or is a fabrication, for those who pay careful attention to the inner person, knowing there is much more to us than physical pathology, this account of chimpanzees resonates deeply.

More than a mere problem to be fixed, depression can also serve as an asset to society. Depressed persons can serve an important role, providing a critical mass of individuals uniquely suited to guarding against danger.

I am not trying to put a positive spin on a terrible malady of mind and spirit. Instead, I’m simply pointing out that there is a lot going on beyond an individual’s inner sadness and struggle; it is also a community’s struggle.

Reading today’s psalm, especially if you read it aloud, you can feel the expression of deep lament borne from a person going through a major depression. Although there are persons in the church and society who, unfortunately, believe depression to be a sin, we get no such judgment from Holy Scripture. Depression just is.

Consider the following biblical characters:

  • Elijah became depressed. The prophet’s depression served as a sign and warning that there was something horribly awry in ancient Israel. Jezebel was the wicked queen, pulling the strings in a nation connected in a web of evil which permeated the land.
  • Moses became despondent time and again. The leader’s depressed spirit pointed to the faithless network of apostasy that kept rearing its golden calf in the life of the Israelite people.

Whenever we, as contemporary persons, become depressed it can and should serve as a billboard to others that something is terribly askew among us, and not just within the individual.

Please know that I fully believe depression ought to be addressed and treated so that the depressed person can come around again to a sense of happiness and hopefulness. Yet, there are also emotionally “healthy” people who try to push pills, hurry along therapy, and pronounce exhortations to the despondent people around them. It’s almost as if depressed folk make others uncomfortable and uneasy.

If depression points to societal ills, not just personal sickness, then it makes sense that non-depressed people want depressed people to get healthy now, because then they don’t have to take a good hard look at the systemic problems of our society and culture. 

Whenever we rush to make someone feel better, typically the person we really want to help is ourselves.

Depression and emotional struggles must be deeply felt, examined, and carefully dealt with. Thus, enter the psalmist. The sheer volume of laments in the psalter ought to clue us in that this is important work. Sadness and grief can get trapped in us like monkeys in a cage. Reciting psalms of lament can help express what is within us and serve as the pick which unlocks us to freedom.

Dealing with depression is a process. It takes time and therapy, perseverance and patience, to heal. Learning new ways to accept, cope, and transcend are difficult – they take time. Cheap hope is a switch which can be easily flipped; genuine hope is a large heavy gate that needs effort to open.

While the depressed among us learn to hope again, the majority who are free of depression ought to pay attention.

We who are depression-proofed persons ought also to examine ourselves, our families, our organizations, our workplaces, and our faith communities to determine what is awry and create new systems and new ways of living together on planet earth.

Depression helps us all become more aware of ourselves and our society. And it drives us to the One who can truly heal all of our ills, both personal and societal. In this way, depression can be our teacher, and not just an unwanted interloper.

After all, who wants to make a monkey of themselves?

Holy God, please observe all who live with depression and hold them in your good strong hands. Send them your love through therapists, pastors, friends, and family. Grant them assurance of your love in their dark hours.

In your mercy, hear my prayer concerning the depressed persons in my life. I feel powerless and inadequate to help. I am frustrated because depression can be so unpredictable. Help me find the resilience and resources I need to be with them during their time of pain. And teach me what I need to learn in their darkness, as well, through Jesus Christ, our Savior. Amen.