Tag: trauma

Tamar (2 Samuel 13:1-19)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year BLeave a comment
Tamar, by Alexandre Cabanel, 1875

In the course of time, Amnon, son of David fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom son of David.

Amnon became so obsessed with his sister Tamar that he made himself ill. She was a virgin, and it seemed impossible for him to do anything to her.

Now Amnon had an adviser named Jonadab son of Shimeah, David’s brother. Jonadab was a very shrewd man. He asked Amnon, “Why do you, the king’s son, look so haggard morning after morning? Won’t you tell me?”

Amnon said to him, “I’m in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.”

“Go to bed and pretend to be ill,” Jonadab said. “When your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘I would like my sister Tamar to come and give me something to eat. Let her prepare the food in my sight so I may watch her and then eat it from her hand.’”

So Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill. When the king came to see him, Amnon said to him, “I would like my sister Tamar to come and make some special bread in my sight, so I may eat from her hand.”

David sent word to Tamar at the palace: “Go to the house of your brother Amnon and prepare some food for him.” So Tamar went to the house of her brother Amnon, who was lying down. She took some dough, kneaded it, made the bread in his sight and baked it. Then she took the pan and served him the bread, but he refused to eat.

“Send everyone out of here,” Amnon said. So everyone left him. Then Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food here into my bedroom so I may eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the bread she had prepared and brought it to her brother Amnon in his bedroom. But when she took it to him to eat, he grabbed her and said, “Come to bed with me, my sister.”

“No, my brother!” she said to him. “Don’t force me! Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don’t do this wicked thing. What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you.” But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her.

Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, “Get up and get out!”

“No!” she said to him. “Sending me away would be a greater wrong than what you have already done to me.”

But he refused to listen to her. He called his personal servant and said, “Get this woman out of my sight and bolt the door after her.” So his servant put her out and bolted the door after her. She was wearing an ornate robe, for this was the kind of garment the virgin daughters of the king wore. Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the ornate robe she was wearing. She put her hands on her head and went away, weeping aloud as she went. (New International Version)

Tamar, David’s daughter, photo by Dikla Laor

There is a very sad reality that has been pervasive throughout human history. Sexual assault and rape has existed as long as people have been on this earth.

Today’s account of Tamar’s awful experience, of having her life upended and changed forever, and of being dehumanized – treated as an object and not as a person created in the image of likeness of God – is unfortunately a story of far too many women in history, as well as today.

To have this sort of thing happen to just one woman is unacceptable, and ought never to happen again. And yet, countless female lives (not to mention many male lives, as well) have been altered by another (or others) who only viewed them from a place of evil desire.

It isn’t right. It’s not just. It is not good. Downright ungodly is what it truly is. There is nobody who should ever have to go through something like Tamar did.

There are enough of these sorts of stories in history, in literature, and in the news, that it’s hard for past victims not to be re-traumatized all over again – remembering what happened in their own lives, and being triggered yet again with unwanted memories.

That is neither the Bible’s intention, nor mine. Rather, I want to acknowledge Tamar’s experience as having happened, and that it was not her fault in any way, shape, or form. I see Tamar, in the healthy sense of seeing. And I hope, if you in some way relate to Tamar, that you are seen this day by someone who cares, and by a God who understands and grieves along with you.

There’s no need for me, therefore, to rehash the particulars of today’s Old Testament story. This is a scriptural case in which reading it once is sufficient for today. The real question is what we are going to do with it.

For those who are concerned, and wonder how to help someone, a friend or family member, who has been harassed or assaulted, consider the following:

  • Believe them, period. There’s no need to ask a lot of probing questions, as if you’re trying to find the truth. Encourage and support, don’t judge or criticize.
  • Affirm to them that they are not alone. Offer your support and time. Let them know of resources which might help (see below).
  • Let them know this was not their fault. Avoid blaming or trying to find out what they could have done differently.
  • Empower them. It’s their choice to tell their story, or not; or what parts of the story they want to reveal. Do anything you can to let them know they have options, and that they are in control of the conversation.
  • Ask how you can help. “How can I help you?” assumes that the other person knows better than you do about what they need. And keep asking as the days, weeks, and months go on.
  • Tell them your observations. If they look mad or sad, anxious or depressed, or are doing something which seems concerning, offer your observations without judgment. You can always ask them if your own perspective is on, or off.
  • Refer to others who can help. A person in crisis needs more help, not less. Not only might they need a trained therapist, but they may also need other forms of support in order to cope with what happened. Changing a residence, dropping classes, or help with basic daily chores are examples of assistance they may want. They might also need others who can help them with unhealthy ways of coping such as alcohol or risky behaviors.
  • Know your own limits. Steer clear from trying to do the job of people who have the training to do it. Know what you can do and not do. Also, if you do all the problem-solving, they might miss opportunities to learn new ways of coping. For example they might be reluctant to confront important but painful issues in therapy if they have already been discussed with you.

A few resources of help for those affected by sexual assault:

The National Sexual Assault Hotline has confidential 24/7 support either online at online.rainn.org, or by phone at 800-656-4673

End Violence Against Women International (EVAWI) is an organization which is a catalyst for justice and healing, so that every survivor of sexual assault and domestic violence gets the right response, every time. The EVAWI specializes in trauma-informed law enforcement responses. You can find them online at evawintl.org

Rise serves to bring equality to sexual assault survivors across the country and around the world; and seeks to help anyone who has the vision and drive to pen their own rights into existence. They can be found at risenow.us

The National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV), a social change organization, is dedicated to creating a social, political, and economic environment in which violence against women no longer exists. You can find them online at nnedv.org

Gracious heavenly Father: You love and care for all of your children, especially the smallest and most vulnerable. We entrust to you the lives of the many who have been sexually abused, and whose trust and innocence have been destroyed. Help us to hear their cries of pain and to take responsibility for their broken lives.

May they may find understanding and support so that with the help of your grace their wounds may be healed, and they may again know peace. Grant this through our Lord Jesus Christ, your Son, who shared our weakness in all things but sin, and lives and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit forever and ever. Amen.

Seeking God in Hard Times (Psalm 9:9-20)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year BLeave a comment
By Bible Art

The Lord is a safe place for the oppressed—
    a safe place in difficult times.
Those who know your name trust you
    because you have not abandoned
    any who seek you, Lord.

Sing praises to the Lord, who lives in Zion!
    Proclaim his mighty acts among all people!
Because the one who avenges bloodshed
    remembers those who suffer;
    the Lord hasn’t forgotten their cries for help.

Have mercy on me, Lord!
    Just look how I suffer
    because of those who hate me.
But you are the one who brings me back
    from the very gates of death
        so I can declare all your praises,
        so I can rejoice in your salvation
        in the gates of Daughter Zion.

The nations have fallen
    into the hole they themselves made!
    Their feet are caught
        in the very net they themselves hid!
The Lord is famous for the justice he has done;
    it’s his own doing that the wicked are trapped.

Let the wicked go straight to the grave,
    the same for every nation that forgets God.

Because the poor won’t be forgotten forever,
    the hope of those who suffer won’t be lost for all time.

Get up, Lord! Don’t let people prevail!
    Let the nations be judged before you.
Strike them with fear, Lord.
    Let the nations know they are only human. (Common English Bible)

I firmly believe that there is hopeful comfort in the Lord – that when people go through awful things, God is there to be a safe place for them.

I also believe that, in the end, good triumphs and evil perishes. That’s because I am convinced that the Lord is an equitable judge; God hears the cries of defenseless righteous victims and acts on behalf of the oppressed without prejudice or favoritism.

Yet, that does not mean God’s people will always be inoculated from trouble, hardship, and adversity. What it does mean is that the Lord is with us, and that God loves us.

Everyone goes through difficult times. Some folks endure horrible trauma. And those experiences can dog us and torment us, even long after the event. Even in good times, we might sometimes become anxious or frantic without any real threat in front of us.

We may want to praise God with genuineness and sincerity. However, we might not yet feel vindicated or released. And there still may be some unjust suffering going on. We long to declare the goodness of God, but we also want to do so with a testimony of deliverance and healing.

That is precisely how the psalmist felt. He knows the wicked won’t endure, but he also wants to give praise to the Lord for seeing them sink in the sinister pit they’ve dug for others.

God is a righteous judge. And there are times when the Lord brings judgment upon evil by letting the wicked self-destruct with their own words and behavior. In other words, God at times engages in direct judgment, and other times lets the moral gravity of the earth crush them in their duplicitous crimes.

Whenever circumstances are hard, it’s easy to feel forgotten, as if no one sees or hears our suffering; they don’t realize the depth of our hurt by a wicked person. It’s appropriate, as the psalmist did, to cry out and plead with God to rise up on behalf of the weak and powerless; and to call for an end of the mindless and godless insanity of arrogant people.

It is equally hard to observe others we care about experience oppression. We cry out to the Lord on their behalf, that they will no longer have to endure such injustice. We want our loved ones to thrive and enjoy life and thrive – not to be crushed under an unjust burden from selfish people who only care about themselves.

We boldly ask God to knock them off the evil hill they’ve built for themselves – to blot them out because of their continual oppression of the righteous. The wicked think no one can touch them atop their proud strong perch. They believe they’re above accountability and can get away with anything. That makes us angry!

Whenever we are wronged or treated unfairly – or observe another person or group of people experiencing injustice – it stirs up our anger.

Anger, in and of itself, is neither good nor bad. It just is. It’s what we do with our anger that gets dicey. A lot of human anger gets expressed in unhealthy ways by either passively stuffing it and ignoring it; aggressively lashing out with verbal and/or physical violence; or passive-aggressively doing indirect jabs at the object of our anger.

The psalmist, however, is assertive with his anger. He offered straightforward observations with definite feelings to God. He also affirmed that the Lord is the One who administers justice with fairness and equity.

There are times when only God can bring an evil system, institution, organization, government, nation, group of people, or individual to heel.

When the poor are overlooked or oppressed by the rich, it’s unjust. It creates anger, both human and divine. In their misery and hardship, the needy can flee to God, who is faithful to care for them and treat them with respect and dignity, as people carrying the divine image.

The nations of the earth are not all attentive to the needy. They don’t all serve their citizens and try to do right by them. Unfortunately, many people throughout the world groan under national leadership which is enamored with power and privilege – and forget those who are powerless, unable to lift themselves by their bootstraps.

In the teeth of such a reality, the psalmist petitioned God. He asked, even insisted, that God step in and act as judge and jury. It was an assertive use of anger that went to the source of true help, to the Lord, who possesses both the will and the ability to overturn injustice and establish a right use of power.

Do you know what I want? I want justice—oceans of it. I want fairness—rivers of it. That’s what I want. That’s all I want.

Amos 5:24, MSG

The Lord, thankfully, is a strong fortress for the oppressed and a protective force in times of trouble.

God remembers the prayers of the down-and-out.

Sooner, or later, those who are wicked in their dealings through exploitation of the powerless, will know firsthand that they are puny humans, and that God is immensely big.

God almighty, you have given all peoples one common origin. It is your will they be gathered together as one family in yourself. Fill the hearts of humanity with the fire of your love and with the desire to ensure justice for all.

By sharing the good you give us, may we ensure equity for all our brothers and sisters throughout the world. May there be an end to division, strife and war. May there be a dawning of a truly human society built on love and peace, through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen.

Restoration (Jeremiah 30:1-11a)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year BLeave a comment

This is the word that came to Jeremiah from the Lord: “This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘Write in a book all the words I have spoken to you. The days are coming,’ declares the Lord, ‘when I will bring my people Israel and Judah back from captivity and restore them to the land I gave their ancestors to possess,’ says the Lord.”

These are the words the Lord spoke concerning Israel and Judah: 

“This is what the Lord says:

“‘Cries of fear are heard—
    terror, not peace.
Ask and see:
    Can a man bear children?
Then why do I see every strong man
    with his hands on his stomach like a woman in labor,
    every face turned deathly pale?
How awful that day will be!
    No other will be like it.
It will be a time of trouble for Jacob,
    but he will be saved out of it.

“‘In that day,’ declares the Lord Almighty,
    ‘I will break the yoke off their necks
and will tear off their bonds;
    no longer will foreigners enslave them.
Instead, they will serve the Lord their God
    and David their king,
    whom I will raise up for them.

“‘So do not be afraid, Jacob my servant;
    do not be dismayed, Israel,’
declares the Lord.
‘I will surely save you out of a distant place,
    your descendants from the land of their exile.
Jacob will again have peace and security,
    and no one will make him afraid.
I am with you and will save you,’
    declares the Lord.” (New International Version)

The cry of Jeremiah the prophet, by Slovakian artist, 1937

To be restored is a beautiful thing, namely because it presupposes that someone or a group of people were dilapidated and in need of healing. Restoration implies that something was lost, but now is found.

If you have lost things like finances, a home, a car, precious memorial items, a job; or relationships such as a marriage, a friendship, estrangement from family members; or your health to disease or disaster; or even lost your mind or your soul – you can completely understand the longing for restoration and wholeness.

The Jews lost their homeland, their property, their temple, and their dignity to the invading Babylonians. Babylon took everything from Judea. The people became exiled in a strange land. Only some poor folk were left behind in a land that was ravaged.

This was the place that was once referred to as a land of milk and honey, a good home of abundance and blessing. But in the prophet Jeremiah’s day, it was becoming a thing of the past. Would the people ever recover what they had lost? Is restoration even a possibility? Could they learn to hope again?

Into a time of distress and despair, God spoke, and said that yes, it is possible; yes, restoration can and will happen. The people will not be in captivity forever.

Things can get so bad that you become physically sick, emotionally spent, mentally fearful, and spiritually disheartened – as if your life has been ripped from you without mercy and with malice. Yet, what is true of us today is not necessarily going to be true of us tomorrow.

Oppression is a terrible thing. To be constantly harassed by others or by chronic pain or by adverse situations is draining; it sucks the life out of us. Into these sorts of circumstances, God says to us, “I am with you, and I will save you.”

Perhaps tomorrow comes and nothing changes. The pain is still there. The mean-spirited people haven’t gone anywhere. The lost things are not found. And yet, there is something primal and universal which has always been here and shall never go away, no matter the circumstances: God is with us, and God loves us.

If we have the spiritual eyes to see, we will notice that God is alongside us, weeping with us. God knows a thing or two about the sort of suffering and pain that is unimaginable.

“Why does not God do something sooner, if God is so loving and powerful?” you may ask. If you are a parent, you have likely had a child ask you why you are doing something to them that feels awful. You know that emotion of feeling hurt alongside them. You also know that there is sometimes no way you can adequately explain to them what’s going on.

You commit yourself to being there, being present, and assuring the child that you aren’t going anywhere. So, when it comes to us, why is it so hard to understand that God is not a divine Santa or a cosmic Genie granting our every wish? If we want kids to understand, then perhaps we ought to first understand our own relationship as God’s children.

There will be times of trial and tribulation, even divine judgment. Yet there shall also be deliverance from evil, and salvation from sin, death, and hell. The yoke of oppression won’t last because there is the promise of restoration.

No matter how nasty, misguided, or sinful the political leadership and governmental system, none of those rulers or politicians have the last word – God does, not them. Grace has the final say, utilizing a restorative mercy which cannot be undone.

The days are coming when there will be a new future, based in the resolve of God to accomplish it. Fortunes shall be restored. Rehabilitation and renewal are ahead for the faithful. Healing will happen, whether it be in this life, or the next.

Things may seem impossibly hopeless now, but God can and will overrule the present evil machinations of oppressive rulers. Terror may be on every side, yet the Lord will break the bonds of oppression; God will burst the unjust practices. Indeed, God will save.

Therefore, we need not fear, for God is with us; and divine intervention is nearly here.

O God of heavenly powers, by your holy might, be present to us in your goodness and grace; banish all injustice and unrighteousness and restore your people in the strength of faith. Amen.

We’ve Had Our Fill of the Arrogant (Psalm 123)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year ALeave a comment

I look up toward you,
the one enthroned in heaven.
Look, as the eyes of servants look to the hand of their master,
as the eyes of a female servant look to the hand of her mistress,
so our eyes will look to the Lord, our God, until he shows us favor.
Show us favor, O Lord, show us favor!
For we have had our fill of humiliation, and then some.
We have had our fill
of the taunts of the self-assured,
of the contempt of the proud. (New English Translation)

The patriarch of the Hebrews, Abraham, lived 4,000 years ago. Moses, the lawgiver and leader of the Israelites out of Egyptian slavery, lived 3,500 years ago. By the time the psalmist wrote today’s psalm, there had already been at least between 1,000 and 1,500 years of Jewish history. And, from the point the psalm was written until now, nearly 3,000 years of history have come to pass.

For all these millennia, the Jewish people have had to endure the contempt and hatred of all kinds of non-Jewish groups and nations. Their suffering has been continual and constant. They have endured multiple attempts of others trying to rid the earth of them. Jews have been mercilessly mocked, violently beaten, religiously persecuted, arrogantly humiliated, callously abused, and perennially shamed, just for being Jews.

The Jewish people know about generational trauma and suffering. They’ve experienced endless heartache and soul damage. And yet, the Jews are still here. They survive, despite so many intentions to wipe them off the map. There are few people groups that can say they still exist after 4,000 years of history.

I submit to you that one of the many reasons the Jewish people have survived, even thrived, for so long is that they have a rich heritage of Hebrew poetry and working out their emotions and their musings before God – and put it down on paper.

The Jewish people acknowledge their emotional and spiritual pain to God, lament it before God, and trust in God to handle their oppressors.

For the one who remains silent, and never sets pen to paper, will fade away and be forgotten. But the one who brings their shame to the light, and contends with the Lord about their suffering, shall see generation after generation continuing to struggle onward and upward.

Trusting God

The controlling image of today’s psalm has to do with the eyes looking. The psalmist looks up to heaven where God is enthroned as Creator and Sovereign over all the earth. Specifically, the eyes look toward the throne room of God.

Underlying the trust and faith of the people is the confession that God is the rightful and powerful Ruler of all. Just as servants look to their masters for provision, so the praying community of people looks to God for their every need – whether it be physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual.

Ultimately, this community looks for a sign of God’s inexhaustible and divine mercy. The worshiper prays, sings, and looks longingly with eyes wide open to the heavens. They look up in confident anticipation, searching for hope and a glimpse of divine mercy.

Here you will not find any sort of rugged individualism, prideful struggling alone, or refusals to ask for help. No! There is a refreshing realism and vulnerability of knowing who you are, where you are, and what you need – without any apology.

Complaining to God

The community of worshipers repeated their heartfelt and strong prayer for mercy from God. The people were facing a relentless stream of contempt from others, and they had more than enough of receiving this.

Those who mocked the Jews are identified as the proud and arrogant. In contrast to the worshipers, the mockers do not look up to the heavenly king, but instead look down on those different from themselves.

The arrogant look only to themselves, not to any master, and certainly not to the sovereign King of the universe. But the followers of the Lord look to their God for mercy because its absent from their experience of being and living on this earth.

Conclusion

The psalm begins with an affirmation of trust, and then, moves to the people’s plea for help from the God whom they place their trust and faith. This psalm was not only befitting of the ancient crisis of Israel’s exile to Babylon and all that happened afterwards in history; the psalm befits us today, as well.

Today, the Jewish people, along with many other religious communities around the world, are experiencing genocidal behavior from mockers who detest them and want to be rid of them altogether.

For all of us who seek the Lord and desire to truly live a pious and penitent life, our eyes look to the divine king for hope. In the midst of oppression by arrogant mockers who operate out of autonomy and independence from the God of mercy, we lift our eyes to the heavens and search God’s heavenly throne room for a glimpse of hope.

In every age – whether ancient, medieval, or modern – the faithful have always needed each other in the community. We have always had to embrace an interdependent dynamic of relating to one another, rather than operate as a mere collection of individuals who happen to be in the same place at the same time.

The faithful understand that life is not something they have earned or made, but is a gift from the Creator and Sovereign who is enthroned in the heavens. And without this perspective, we will continue to see hateful groups of people try to annihilate those different from themselves.

Merciful and loving God, when we are overwhelmed with fear and uncertainty, undermined by the distress of mockery, please love us and grant us patience under suffering.

Help us to love others as you love us; to accept others without judgment; to see difference as your gift of creation; and to remember that love is our greatest calling.

Generous God, you give freely of your love and mercy and grace. Prompt us to share our blessings and respond to the cries of the world.

Encourage us to help those facing the pain of discrimination and prejudice. May they experience healing of both body and soul.

Nurture us in faith, so that we will reach those in need, both near and far.

Inspire us to love all your children equally, without exception; and let us give and receive love, through the One whose name is Love, Jesus Christ, your Son, our Lord. Amen.