Tag: relational dynamics

Family Dynamics (Matthew 12:46-50)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year ALeave a comment
En la Cena ecológica del Reino (At the Ecological Kingdom Dinner) by Spanish artist Cerezo Barredo

While Jesus was speaking to the crowds, his mother and brothers stood outside trying to speak with him.Someone said to him, “Look, your mother and brothers are outside wanting to speak with you.”

Jesus replied, “Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?” He stretched out his hand toward his disciples and said, “Look, here are my mother and my brothers. Whoever does the will of my Father who is in heaven is my brother, sister, and mother.” (Common English Bible)

Jesus obviously did not get the cultural memo that blood is thicker than water.

When his own blood family were waiting outside for him, Jesus used the occasion to speak of what makes up a true follower of God. Christ boldly asserted that his true family is made up of people who do God’s will. By saying this, Jesus brought the point home that the kingdom of God turns on obedience.

Rather than merely confessing a belief, or appealing to a family heritage of faith, Jesus said that a genuine believer in God is one who listens to God’s words and then promptly obeys them. Therefore:

A Christian is defined by allegiance to Jesus, and not by having a certain bloodline. 

Identity determines activity. For example, if I identify myself primarily as…

  • a worker at my job, my activity will show it – I will spend long hours at my labor, and will do whatever it takes to please my boss and gain promotions.
  • an athlete, I will spend long hours honing my skills, and do whatever it takes to please the coach and to win.
  • a spouse and a parent, I will focus most of my attention on my family and seek to please them in all things. 

But if my identity is first and foremost as a Christian, I will seek to please Jesus. With my identity in Christ:

  • I will view my job as an opportunity to express the ethics of God’s kingdom, as a calling from God, and as a means for God to transform me for his glory.
  • I will view athletics as means to glorify God, and not as an end in and of itself but as a special gift for God to teach me about the importance of community and working together. 
  • I will view my kids as belonging to God and I will steward the trust of children given me by doing whatever it takes to teach and train them in the way of Jesus. I will thank God for my family and not confuse them with being God by idolizing them.

Jesus was inside a house, with his family on the outside. So, why were the family members of Jesus not inside the house sitting at his feet, taking the posture of a disciple?

The disciple Matthew wanted to communicate more than physical distance between Jesus and his physical family – being “outside” was meant to convey the posture of Christ’s family as spiritually distant, skeptical of him, and indecisive about who he was and what he was up to. The disciple Mark made this spiritual and emotional distance clear:

Jesus entered a house. A crowd gathered again so that it was impossible for him and his followers even to eat. When his family heard what was happening, they came to take control of him. They were saying, “He’s out of his mind!” (Mark 3:20-21, CEB)

Christ’s earthly family were not looking for Jesus to give them warm-fuzzies and have a big family hug. They were there to essentially say to him, “Cut it out, Jesus, because you’re acting like a nut-cake and embarrassing us all!”

Jesus was saying that identifying only with a biological family leads to only pleasing that family. However, identifying with Jesus leads to a radical form of following God that seeks to please him instead of submitting to family practices, mores, and beliefs which are inconsistent with the kingdom of God. 

Ethiopian Orthodox Church depiction of Christ and his disciples

For the Christian, the church is the family of God, and we are to act consistent with being in such a family.  We are to pursue God’s will, serve one another, and adopt outsiders into our family. The church is a family, not a restaurant. When we go to a restaurant, we either like the food and the service, or not. If the experience was unpleasant, we might complain to the waitress and may or may not come back. Try doing that with your mother and see where it gets you! 

As a biological family, we are committed to each other. There is no complaining about mom because of dad’s wrath. Instead, we are expected to clear our plates and put them in the dishwasher, to sweep the floor and clean the table, and to work together for the benefit of the entire family. In the same way, following Jesus means being committed to his family, the church.

Priority is to be given in doing God’s will, regardless of blood, because obedience to Christ identifies us as being in the family of God. Our actions and the way we live points to what we honestly believe and where our commitments truly lie. 

The first step of God’s desire for us is quality focused time in sitting at Christ’s feet and listening to him, because this is at the heart of all Christian discipleship. We can only do God’s will if we have clearly heard it; and we can only hear God’s will by taking the time to be at the feet of Jesus. 

Both listening and doing are necessary. Listening without engaging the world is a failure of mission; and doing without first listening leads to misguided acts and eventual burn-out. Allow Jesus to call the shots and let him instruct us so that we can live wisely and obediently. 

Jesus did not devalue blood relatives as irrelevant. Rather, the kingdom of God seeks to restore and redeem all things, including family. Both church and family are important. The relationships within each are to be nurtured.

The family of Jesus, the church, is important because Christ suffered and died for her. So, we are to be committed to the church, love the church, and serve the church because we are family. If we have a good grasp of this, we will make decisions based in what we believe God’s will is, instead of whether a relative will get upset, or not. 

We need to persistently pray for spiritually lost family members, and those whom we are estranged from. Most families have at least a few toxic persons in their orbit. Here is how we might pray for them:

  • That God will arrange divine appointments between them and others who love Jesus.
  • That God will draw them to the mercy of Christ.
  • That God will hinder the devil’s schemes against them.
  • That they will understand and respond to the good news of God’s grace.

O God, you made us in your own image and redeemed us through Jesus your Son: Look with compassion on the whole human family; take away the arrogance and hatred which infect our hearts; break down the walls that separate us; unite us in bonds of love; and work through our struggle and confusion to accomplish your purposes on earth; that, in your good time, all nations and races may serve you in harmony around your heavenly throne; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

We’ve Had Our Fill of the Arrogant (Psalm 123)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year ALeave a comment

I look up toward you,
the one enthroned in heaven.
Look, as the eyes of servants look to the hand of their master,
as the eyes of a female servant look to the hand of her mistress,
so our eyes will look to the Lord, our God, until he shows us favor.
Show us favor, O Lord, show us favor!
For we have had our fill of humiliation, and then some.
We have had our fill
of the taunts of the self-assured,
of the contempt of the proud. (New English Translation)

The patriarch of the Hebrews, Abraham, lived 4,000 years ago. Moses, the lawgiver and leader of the Israelites out of Egyptian slavery, lived 3,500 years ago. By the time the psalmist wrote today’s psalm, there had already been at least between 1,000 and 1,500 years of Jewish history. And, from the point the psalm was written until now, nearly 3,000 years of history have come to pass.

For all these millennia, the Jewish people have had to endure the contempt and hatred of all kinds of non-Jewish groups and nations. Their suffering has been continual and constant. They have endured multiple attempts of others trying to rid the earth of them. Jews have been mercilessly mocked, violently beaten, religiously persecuted, arrogantly humiliated, callously abused, and perennially shamed, just for being Jews.

The Jewish people know about generational trauma and suffering. They’ve experienced endless heartache and soul damage. And yet, the Jews are still here. They survive, despite so many intentions to wipe them off the map. There are few people groups that can say they still exist after 4,000 years of history.

I submit to you that one of the many reasons the Jewish people have survived, even thrived, for so long is that they have a rich heritage of Hebrew poetry and working out their emotions and their musings before God – and put it down on paper.

The Jewish people acknowledge their emotional and spiritual pain to God, lament it before God, and trust in God to handle their oppressors.

For the one who remains silent, and never sets pen to paper, will fade away and be forgotten. But the one who brings their shame to the light, and contends with the Lord about their suffering, shall see generation after generation continuing to struggle onward and upward.

Trusting God

The controlling image of today’s psalm has to do with the eyes looking. The psalmist looks up to heaven where God is enthroned as Creator and Sovereign over all the earth. Specifically, the eyes look toward the throne room of God.

Underlying the trust and faith of the people is the confession that God is the rightful and powerful Ruler of all. Just as servants look to their masters for provision, so the praying community of people looks to God for their every need – whether it be physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual.

Ultimately, this community looks for a sign of God’s inexhaustible and divine mercy. The worshiper prays, sings, and looks longingly with eyes wide open to the heavens. They look up in confident anticipation, searching for hope and a glimpse of divine mercy.

Here you will not find any sort of rugged individualism, prideful struggling alone, or refusals to ask for help. No! There is a refreshing realism and vulnerability of knowing who you are, where you are, and what you need – without any apology.

Complaining to God

The community of worshipers repeated their heartfelt and strong prayer for mercy from God. The people were facing a relentless stream of contempt from others, and they had more than enough of receiving this.

Those who mocked the Jews are identified as the proud and arrogant. In contrast to the worshipers, the mockers do not look up to the heavenly king, but instead look down on those different from themselves.

The arrogant look only to themselves, not to any master, and certainly not to the sovereign King of the universe. But the followers of the Lord look to their God for mercy because its absent from their experience of being and living on this earth.

Conclusion

The psalm begins with an affirmation of trust, and then, moves to the people’s plea for help from the God whom they place their trust and faith. This psalm was not only befitting of the ancient crisis of Israel’s exile to Babylon and all that happened afterwards in history; the psalm befits us today, as well.

Today, the Jewish people, along with many other religious communities around the world, are experiencing genocidal behavior from mockers who detest them and want to be rid of them altogether.

For all of us who seek the Lord and desire to truly live a pious and penitent life, our eyes look to the divine king for hope. In the midst of oppression by arrogant mockers who operate out of autonomy and independence from the God of mercy, we lift our eyes to the heavens and search God’s heavenly throne room for a glimpse of hope.

In every age – whether ancient, medieval, or modern – the faithful have always needed each other in the community. We have always had to embrace an interdependent dynamic of relating to one another, rather than operate as a mere collection of individuals who happen to be in the same place at the same time.

The faithful understand that life is not something they have earned or made, but is a gift from the Creator and Sovereign who is enthroned in the heavens. And without this perspective, we will continue to see hateful groups of people try to annihilate those different from themselves.

Merciful and loving God, when we are overwhelmed with fear and uncertainty, undermined by the distress of mockery, please love us and grant us patience under suffering.

Help us to love others as you love us; to accept others without judgment; to see difference as your gift of creation; and to remember that love is our greatest calling.

Generous God, you give freely of your love and mercy and grace. Prompt us to share our blessings and respond to the cries of the world.

Encourage us to help those facing the pain of discrimination and prejudice. May they experience healing of both body and soul.

Nurture us in faith, so that we will reach those in need, both near and far.

Inspire us to love all your children equally, without exception; and let us give and receive love, through the One whose name is Love, Jesus Christ, your Son, our Lord. Amen.

Real Life (1 Thessalonians 3:6-13)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year ALeave a comment

But Timothy has just now come to us from you and has brought good news about your faith and love. He has told us that you always have pleasant memories of us and that you long to see us, just as we also long to see you. Therefore, brothers and sisters, in all our distress and persecution we were encouraged about you because of your faith. 

For now we really live since you are standing firm in the Lord. How can we thank God enough for you in return for all the joy we have in the presence of our God because of you? Night and day we pray most earnestly that we may see you again and supply what is lacking in your faith.

Now may our God and Father himself and our Lord Jesus clear the way for us to come to you. May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else, just as ours does for you. May he strengthen your hearts so that you will be blameless and holy in the presence of our God and Father when our Lord Jesus comes with all his holy ones. (New International Version)

What does it mean to really live? Everyone has their own conceptions of what the good life is. But to live life to the full, to really live in sync with how life actually is (and is supposed to be) brings us true satisfaction, contentment, and meaning.

In the radical individualism of the West, it may seem foreign or strange to us that the Apostle Paul’s life was very much bound up in the lives of others – in the churches he established and with the believers who had come to faith in Christ. For Paul, to really live was to see spiritual growth and development in the places where he ministered.

The thing that really got Paul excited, what really melted his butter, was leading others to Christ, forming them into churches, and watching them carry out their missional mandate by doing the same things that he did with them. I can relate to Paul’s joy and satisfaction over Christian discipleship.

There’s nothing quite like mentoring others in the faith, helping them mature in that faith, and sending them out to live according to the model of faith that you’ve demonstrated for them. To see the Word of God take root in individuals and communities of people is like no other sort of joy and contentment.

In the midst of discouraging circumstances of persecution and distressing situations of opposition, it was gratifying, encouraging, and motivating for Paul to hear a good spiritual report from his protégé Timothy about the Thessalonian church’s faith.

Whether we acknowledge it or not, or like it or not, every one of us is inextricably connected to the other. And that is especially true in families, and in the family of God. The Thessalonian believers’ steadfast commitment to Christ and the Christian faith was a crucial and important dimension of Paul’s own persevering faith.

The Apostle had been on the front lines of faith – taking the good news of grace and forgiveness in Christ to the nations. To have his churches endure through all their own troubles and challenges is a great boon to Paul. They each derive confidence and inspiration from the other. Everyone’s faith is confirmed and strengthened when everyone is striving to live for Christ.

All the believers in Christ were really living because they stood firm in the Lord and were immovable in their faith commitments. Assurance and reassurance comes not in isolation, but through the interdependence and interaction with others who share the same values.

Parents don’t really live, unless they see their children living a life of abundant joy and satisfaction. And it’s the same with spiritual mothers and fathers; they truly live when their spiritual children are walking in faith and patience with the Lord.

This is why Paul was grateful and could not thank God enough for the Thessalonians’ life of faith. God’s powerful and gracious work in the church brought out all kinds of thanksgiving. With that sort of dynamic happening, Paul could face any tribulation with the confidence and trust needed to keep going.

Prayer is the logical response to a healthy spiritual and relational dynamic of faith. The greater the good relations, the greater the desire to come and keep imparting needed teaching and encouragement for the Christian life. In other words, spiritual growth begets spiritual growth.

The best way the Thessalonian converts and all the churches become rooted in faith is by God helping them to have their love increase and overflow for each other, and for everyone else. What’s more, God intends that the love Christians have for one another be a model and a witness to and for the world.

Christian community is the place we learn to love. As we practice again and again how to love one another in the church, we then take this love into the world in loving even our enemies. For if we are to follow our model and leader, Jesus Christ, then we will infuse each word and every action with the love of God in Christ – which is the light that draws others into a healthy spiritual and relational dynamic.

We must pray, as Paul did, for love to increase amongst us, so that our hearts are strengthened with genuine purity and holiness of life. For unless love grows and flowers, selfish desires will increase and turn our love inward to the point of taking love away from God and the world.

It is imperative that we have a genuinely loving stance toward each other as believers, and toward others in the world. Apart from this love – given graciously to us through the cross and resurrection of Christ – there is little hope for anything bad in this old fallen world to ever be better.

The bottom line is that churches wither and die because they lose sight of love; Christians lose faith and go their own way because they forget about love; and believers throughout the world continue on because loving prayers, loving ways, and loving words come their way, despite difficulty and hardship they face.

So, let us love one another as Christ loved us. For this is the way our faith is strengthened and our hope is kindled to keep enduring until Jesus returns to this earth and makes all things new and right. This is real life.

May almighty God give you grace to persevere with joy, so that the work of love begun in you may be completed, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Get Rid of Grumbling (Numbers 11:1-9)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year ALeave a comment

Now the people complained about their hardships in the hearing of the Lord, and when he heard them his anger was aroused. Then fire from the Lord burned among them and consumed some of the outskirts of the camp. When the people cried out to Moses, he prayed to the Lord and the fire died down. So that place was called Taberah because fire from the Lord had burned among them.

The rabble with them began to crave other food, and again the Israelites started wailing and said, “If only we had meat to eat! We remember the fish we ate in Egypt at no cost—also the cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions and garlic. But now we have lost our appetite; we never see anything but this manna!”

The manna was like coriander seed and looked like resin. The people went around gathering it, and then ground it in a hand mill or crushed it in a mortar. They cooked it in a pot or made it into loaves. And it tasted like something made with olive oil. When the dew settled on the camp at night, the manna also came down. (New International Version)

Some complaints are a form of lamenting a significant loss and expressing grief. That’s normal, even healthy, and to be expected. Many other complaints come in the form of grumbling, murmuring, and just plain old selfish bellyaching.

The latter type of complaining is clearly what was happening with the ancient Israelites. They were delivered from Egyptian slavery and now free. The people ought to be celebrating. But instead, the minute things are hard, they grumble. When the God-given food became commonplace and too plain for their pallets, the people whined and complained.

And it was the rabble rousers among them who got the whole community up in arms and grumbling.

The Apostle Paul understood that negative people only create more negative people – which is why he offered the church leader Titus some counsel about how to handle such persons: 

After a first and second warning, have nothing more to do with a person who causes conflict, because you know that someone like this is twisted and sinful—so they condemn themselves. (Titus 3:10-11, CEB)

Whenever a passion for power and control prevails over a desire for the common good of all people, then we have an issue of character. Stirring up antagonism against biblically-oriented, Spirit-directed change is demonic – and the real test of it is a constant stream of negativism which is secretive, remains in the shadows, relies on gossip and slander for its fuel, and hates being in the light.

Jesus said to be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves because there are wolves among the sheep (Matthew 10:16). You will know them by their fruit. We are called not to participate in negative influences!  Individuals must be called-out for their chronic negative spirits. So, how do we do it?  How do we shut-out the negative?

Refuse it

Name it. Call it what it is: fighting against the Holy Spirit and attributing evil to the work of God (Matthew 12:30-32). When someone comes to you and wants to dish up a little “sumthin’-sumthin’” on somebody or something, refuse to take the bait. Refuse it and reject it.

Keep a group of friends who are positive, encouraging, helpful, and steer clear of antagonistic attitudes. It is extremely beneficial to both physical and spiritual health. In a study at Stanford University, a pair of researchers reviewed over 200 studies on group therapy and concluded that group members “develop close bonds with the other members and are deeply influenced by their positive acceptance and feedback.” In other words, negative thinking keeps people in bondage, whereas positive encouragement of others brings freedom and life.

Rebuke it

Someone might be speaking to you, start talking around some issue slowly, but eventually comes around to carving up another person like a Thanksgiving turkey. What do you do? Rebuke it. We can say something like, “When you continue to speak with such negativity about ______ I feel upset because I need to be in a place which helps me to spiritually grow. Will you please stop being so negative?”

I once had a person come to me not knowing how to deal with a negative person. I walked him through some biblical ways about confronting the negativity when it comes. He simply hung his head and said he could not do that. But he was miserable, which is why he came and talked to me. And he walked away with that same misery because he was not willing to call out a person on their destructive negativity.

You and I are in control of our own happiness. If another person causes us anger; if some politician drives us nuts; if a television program or radio show is upsetting me; then, it is our responsibility to keep away.

If we have a chronic negative person in our life, and have tried to deal with that person, and they refuse to listen, we can say something like this when they start their rant: “I don’t want to hear it. And if you keep bringing it up and being negative, I will walk out of the room.” The principle here is that we control our own behavior, not somebody else’s.

Redirect it

Satan is the author of negative antagonism. He talked trash about God in the garden to Adam and Eve. So, avoid getting caught up in trying to dialogue with a negative person. Redirect the negativity by calling the person to change their ways, because truth be told, the negativity is really rebellion against God.

If you are wondering, “I could never do that” then you likely have been telling yourself a lot of negative thoughts. God calls us to stamp-out the negativity before it can get started, even within our own brains. In some cases, we need to re-train our minds to focus on the positive, and not the negative.

It takes two to tango. Negativity cannot survive if there is no one to listen to it. We must stop being negative and stop listening to negative people; constant complaining creates divisions and scandals.

If there are people who chronically have negative speech and can never seem to say anything good about someone or something, then stay away from them. Have nothing to do with them. Do not participate in the divisive speech. Refuse it. Rebuke it. Redirect it.

God wants us righteous and robust, holy, and happy – not walking around like a grump who was baptized in pickle juice.

We can choose to fill our minds with gracious good news; pray positively about everything; and find the positive in all things. We can continually choose to cultivate unity, purity, peace, and love. That’s how we enjoy life together.

May it be so, to the glory of God.