Joy and Suffering

BishopSavesJeanValjean
“Jean Valjean, my brother, you no longer belong to what is evil but to what is good. I have bought your soul to save it from black thoughts and the spirit of perdition, and I give it to God.” ― Victor Hugo, Les Misérables

One of my favorite stories is Victor Hugo’s Les Miserables.  It’s primarily a story of grace and new life.  The main character, Jean Valjean, spends nineteen years in jail for stealing a loaf of bread for his starving family.  The experience in prison caused him to become a bitter man.  By the time he is released, he is hard, angry, cynical, with nowhere to go.  In desperation, he seeks lodging one night at the home of a Catholic bishop, who treats him with genuine kindness, which Valjean sees only as an opportunity to exploit.  In the middle of the night he steals the bishop’s silver and runs.  The next day, however, he is caught by the police.  When they bring Jean back to the bishop’s house for identification, the police are surprised when the bishop hands two silver candlesticks to Valjean, implying that he had given the stolen silver to him, saying, “You forgot these.”  After dismissing the police, the bishop turns to Jean Valjean and says, “I have bought your soul for God.”  In that moment, by the bishop’s act of mercy, Valjean’s bitterness is broken.

Jean Valjean’s forgiveness is the beginning of a new life.  The bulk of Victor Hugo’s novel demonstrates the utter power of a regenerated and redeemed life.  Jean chooses the way of mercy, as the bishop did.  Valjean raises an orphan, spares the life of a parole officer who spent fifteen years hunting him, and saves his future son-in-law from death, even though it nearly cost him his own life.  There are trials and temptations for Valjean throughout his life.  What keeps him pursuing his new life is mercy.  Whereas before, Valjean responded to mercy with a brooding melancholy and inner anger, now – after being shown grace – Valjean responds to each case of unjust suffering with both mercy and joy, deeply thankful for the chance to live a new life full of grace.

JoySuffering
Followers of Jesus imitate their Savior through walking the way of suffering.

Suffering and joy.  Those two words, at first glance, may seem to be opposites.  Yet, Christianity views suffering as an occasion for joy, and not as empty meaningless grief.  Followers of Jesus imitate their Savior through walking the way of suffering.  We are told in Holy Scripture that these sufferings are trials to our faith, that is, they are the means by which our faith is developed, used, and strengthened.  Just as gold is refined by being put through fire, so our faith is refined and proven genuine through the purging fires of life’s trials and troubles.  Walking in the way of our Lord Jesus, adversity becomes our Teacher, helping us to know Christ better and appreciate the great salvation we possess in Jesus. (1 Peter 1:3-9)

Back in the first century, the Apostle Peter wrote a letter to Jewish Christians living in a Gentile society.  They were strangers and aliens in the ancient world.  These were people who responded to the preaching of Peter at Pentecost and gave their lives to the risen Christ.  When persecution broke out after the stoning of Stephen, the church was scattered, and many Jewish Christians went to live in Gentile nations very different from their home in Jerusalem.  In that Gentile environment, they were often looked down upon simply because they were Jewish.  What’s more, they were alienated from their families because of their commitment to Jesus.  They were alone and faced both the social and economic hardships that came with being Jewish Christians.  So, Peter wrote to encourage these suffering believers in their hardship.  He reminded them of what they possess and to use that precious possession rather than focus solely on their poverty and difficulty.  Peter let them know that their adversity has the positive effect of making their faith genuine.

Every generation of Christians needs to see that their faith is not only a matter of confession with the lips; faith is also proven primarily through suffering.  Faith is much like a new car – it is meant to be used.  It’s not just something we own and possess – to only sit in the garage and be admired.  A car is meant to be on the road, and if it does not perform well, we say it’s a lemon and we get another car.  Cars are the vehicles that get us from point A to point B.  And, hopefully, we enjoy the ride without being frustrated and having road rage.  It is unrealistic, as drivers, to believe we will never have to drive in adverse road conditions.  We recognize that it is silly to believe the weather must always conform to our driving habits.  We will have to drive through snow and thunderstorms.  We will need to deal with traffic and road construction.  We will have to drive defensively and continually be vigilant to the other drivers on the road.  We might always have a plan for how to get from point A to point B, yet, we must deal with whatever conditions we find along the way.  This isn’t optional, unless we decide to let the car sit in the garage and never use it.

The winter road with car
Mature Christians allow their faith to take them places, and have seen all kinds of adversity and suffering along the road of life.

Good drivers are good drivers because they drive a lot and have driven in nearly every type of road condition.  Mature Christians are those followers of Jesus who allow their faith to take them places, have seen all kinds of adversity, trials, and suffering along the road of life.  What makes them mature is that they have learned through all their troubles and trials to enjoy what God is doing in their lives instead of being frustrated and have faith-fury.  Such Christians have the confidence that they are receiving the goal of their faith, the salvation of their souls.  They understand that their faith grows and develops as they face the challenges of life every day with a firm commitment to their Lord Jesus.

The most miserable people are those who have not been taught by mercy, and, therefore, do not know the joy of extending mercy to others.  Peter could praise God because his life was transformed by the grace and mercy of Jesus.  Peter went from an impulsive and fearful fisherman who denied the Lord three times, to a confident and courageous witness of Christ because he was regenerated, restored, and renewed by grace.  He joyfully endured suffering and opposition because his faith was precious to him.

There is a tendency for many Christians to show a stoic attitude through the trials of life.  We try and keep a stiff upper lip and simply endure.  Taking the approach of “It is what it is” only works for so long.  Eventually “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me” is a more appropriate response to trouble. It is precisely during those times when human hope fades that we rejoice – even though the rejoicing is through tears – in the living hope kept for us. This gracious inheritance of hope is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading. That means we can live through a difficult day or week or month or even, dear God, a year or longer with spiritual endurance. We can do this, friends.  We can persevere through our worldwide trial of pandemic.  We can even do more than survive – we can thrive through having our faith muscle stretched and strengthened.  We are not alone.  We all suffer together.

MotherTeresa
“Suffering, if it is accepted together, borne together, is joy.” –Mother Teresa

Our shared value of the risen Christ is the fuel that keeps our car of faith running.  It is what transcends the stoic attitude of unfeeling endurance to a joyful flourishing of faith.  Suffering is central to living for Jesus Christ.  Suffering is not something to continually avoid, go around, or bemoan because it is God’s means of forming us spiritually to be like Jesus.  I can say that the sufferings I’ve experienced in my own life I never want to go through again. I can also say that I would not change those experiences for anything because they have formed and shaped me in ways that would probably not have happened apart from adversity.

Our goal in this life is not to escape the world.  There is a time coming when our salvation will be consummated, heaven comes down to earth, and both are joined forever.

“Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea.  I saw the Holy City, the New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband.  And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, ‘Now the dwelling of god is with men, and he will live with them.  They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.  He will wipe every tear from their eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away” (Revelation 21:1-4). 

This is our inheritance in Christ.  First, however, we must come prepared for the future by undergoing grief in all kinds of sufferings in the present.  These trials to our faith are a sort of pre-marital session that prepare us for our marriage with Jesus.

Eventually, suffering will have done its work and we will be with Christ forever.  Until that day, let’s not stay in the garage of life.  Let us explore all that God has for us, embracing both the meaning and the mystery of faith.  Since our salvation is assured, let us live with confidence and run the race marked out for us.  Let us not be complacent or slow in doing the will of God, but work for God’s kingdom purposes on this earth.  And let us allow our trials to do their work in us, responding to them with joy knowing that our faith is being strengthened for the benefit of blessing the world.  Even in suffering, God is good all the time; and, all the time, God is good.  To him be the glory.

Colossians 3:12-17 – A New Set of Clothes

White Shirts

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.  Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (NIV)

Easter is to live forever in our hearts.  The great message of the Resurrection is: We now have opportunity to experience new life, free from sin, death, and hell.  Oh, it isn’t that we never need to deal with evil; we very much do.  The difference is that we now have a new awareness of our spirituality.  And with awareness comes choices.  If we aren’t aware of our feelings, our spirit, and/or old nature, well, then, it’s as if we operate on auto-pilot – losing altitude in an immanent descent into tragedy.  When we are aware of our inner selves, then we mindfully ascend through the clouds to join Christ.

We can make choices about what to wear.  With awareness, we look in the mirror and see that the grave clothes need to come off.  The old raggedy garments of pride and hubris, greed and immorality, selfish lust, jealous envy, spiritual gluttony, unholy anger, and complacency get taken off and tossed in the garbage.  We then go to God’s expansive walk-in closet and choose the bright raiment of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forgiveness, and grab the beautiful coat of love which covers it all with such dignity and honor.

It would be super weird to try and put the new clothes over the old raggedy grave clothes.  That’s not only gross, it’s downright wrongheaded.  Practical Christianity always involves two actions: taking-off and putting-on.  Human willpower and/or ingenuity tries to live a virtuous life while ignoring the vices.  This will not do for the Christian.  The endearing qualities we so desire to possess cannot be obtained without first dealing with the crud of sin which clings to us like so many stinky dirty clothes.  To put this in theological terms: the cross and resurrection go together.  Sin must be put to death before a victorious life is put on.

Once we have acknowledged sin, let Christ take it all off, and put on the new clothes.  Then we’re ready to hit the town in style.  We walk out the door with a tremendous sense of peace, knowing God in Christ has cleaned us up.  We stroll into the world with lips whistling and a song in our hearts – singing with gratitude for what the risen Christ has accomplished on our behalf.  After all, we just put on very expensive clothes and it didn’t cost us a dime.  In fact, we’re so darned thankful that we don’t just talk to others, we sing our words to them – even though we can’t carry a tune.  It doesn’t matter.  Our coat of love compels us.  Easter is bursting forth from the tomb.

Almighty and everlasting God, you willed that our Savior should take upon him our clothing of death upon the cross so that all humanity would have the privilege of wearing humility, gratitude, and love.  Mercifully grant that we may both follow the example of Christ’s life, and, also be made aware of our participation in his glorious resurrection, in the power of your Holy Spirit.  Amen.

Click Easter Song which was written by Annie Herring in 1974 and made famous by Keith Green a few years later.  The California Baptist University choir and orchestra perform this version.  May your Easter blessings multiply.

Colossians 3:5-11 – Eastertide

 

Eastertide

Put to death, therefore, whatever in you is earthly: fornication, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed (which is idolatry).  On account of these the wrath of God is coming on those who are disobedient. These are the ways you also once followed, when you were living that life. But now you must get rid of all such things—anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive language from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have stripped off the old self with its practices and have clothed yourselves with the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge according to the image of its creator. In that renewal there is no longer Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave and free; but Christ is all and in all! (NRSV)

Today’s New Testament reading impresses on us the necessity of choosing life.  On the Christian Calendar, Easter is not merely one day – it is an entire season.  It’s a time to focus on living into a new reality through intentionally putting to death old unhealthy practices and adopting new healthy life-giving habits.  It is the season we call “Eastertide.”

It could very well be that you have never heard of the word “Eastertide.”  Eastertide is a significant season in the Church Year which spans fifty days until Pentecost.  That’s a hefty seven weeks of bringing the new life we enjoy to the forefront.  Eastertide’s spotlight is to recognize and celebrate the resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ, and, thus, exult in our own new life in him.

Now, you might be saying to yourself: “Why do we need to have some liturgical season about Christ’s resurrection?  Shouldn’t we be living like we recognize this every day?”  Yes, of course we should.  Yet, consider this:  If we only sing songs of resurrection on Easter Sunday; only occasionally direct our attention of Christ’s resurrection outside of Easter Sunday; then, perhaps it is sage to bring a highlighted focus to the resurrection in a special season.  Just as we would likely not think of taking only one vacation day in the year for renewal, so it is necessary to take more than one day to enjoy Easter.  If nothing else, Eastertide gives believers an opportunity to let Christ’s resurrection percolate in our hearts so that we become people in real life who exhibit an alive-spirit.  And, God knows, we could use much more of that in our congregations and our world!

If life, eternal life, and the necessity of being alive are all needs for us, then it only makes sense that we would want to take advantage of what Eastertide has to offer: A deliberate look at Christ’s resurrection, exploring its implications and impact for us.  Simply assuming we all know about resurrection will not do, any more than my wife simply assuming I love her without looking her straight in the eye and telling her so.

If Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile (1 Corinthians 15:17).  Without Eastertide, there’s a sin-as-usual kind of approach to life with a sort of shoulder shrug that says, “Meh, what’s a guy to do?”  Instead, we have the hope of vibrant everlasting life because Christ has risen from death.  We have the hope of individual renewal, corporate revitalization, and worldwide revival because there is a risen Savior.

Therefore, this is the perfect time of year to engage in some renewal practices or even make a few simple changes that show signs of life.  Here are just a few ideas for lifting Christ’s resurrection into the next few months:

Pray for revival of spirituality.  Christ brings life, so praying for revival is a deliberate way of connecting with God.

Squarely address practices of the “earthly nature” which are death-dealing.  Gossip, back-biting, slander, and an entire host of sins of the tongue kill and murder people.  Simply sluffing-off someone’s acerbic speech as “that’s just the way they are” will not do, unless you want to exist in a pro-death culture.

Promote life-giving practices.  If sins of the tongue bring death, using our speech for encouragement, love, mercy, forgiveness, and building up one another promotes growth, health, and life.

Proclaim resurrection.  I believe the church is meant to be the hope of the world because Christ is the risen Lord.  This is the time for Christians to profess the resurrected Christ and how the spiritual life makes a difference in life.

Start that new ministry you always believed would make a difference.  It is the season to take a risk.  After all, if you have eternal life can you really fail?  Host a new virtual small group.  Take initiative to up your knowledge of technology.  Use your time at home to read some significant books and start an on-line book club.  Those are my ideas. I’m willing to bet you have some idea(s) rolling around inside you about blessing the world.  Now, during Eastertide, is the time to turn that idea into reality.

Focus on your daily habits of spiritual health and life.  If you would not think of skipping meals for days at a time, then consider the erosion to your soul and/or your church when folks don’t read their Bibles on a regular basis or pray with any kind of consistency.  This is also a wonderful season to explore new spiritual practices you haven’t tried or considered before.  Stick to a plan.  It will not only bring growth to your own life, but will impact those around you.

Just keeping the word “Eastertide” in front of us for the next few months can be a simple yet powerful way of reminding us that God, in Christ, has ushered-in new life.  Let the reality of Christ’s resurrection take root in your heart to such an extent that life itself informs all your thinking, speaking, feeling, and acting.

In the joy and hope of Eastertide, we pray:

That You, our risen Savior, may fill us in this season with the joy of Your life-giving resurrection.

That You, Compassionate Savior, will enable isolated and persecuted churches to find fresh strength in the good news of Easter.

That You, Loving God, may grant us humility to be subject to one another in Christian love.

That You, Lord God our Provider, may give necessities for those who lack food, work, or shelter.

That by Your mighty power, Almighty God, war and famine may cease through all the world.

That You, Great God of Mystery, may reveal the light of Christ’s presence to the sick, the weak, and the dying, to comfort and strengthen them.

That, Steadfast God, according to Your promises, You will raise at the Last Day all who have died in the faith of the resurrection.

That You, Consuming God, may send the fire of Your blessed Holy Spirit upon people of every nation and ethnicity, so that we may together bear faithful witness to Christ’s resurrection.

Heavenly Father, You have delivered us from the power of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of your dear Son: Grant that, as the death of Jesus has called us to life, so may His continual presence raise us to eternal joy.  Amen.

Click Christ is Risen, He Is Risen Indeed by Keith and Kristyn Getty to keep the Easter songs coming.

John 20:1-18 – Resurrection of the Lord

Empty tomb

 

Early on the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene went to the tomb and saw that the stone had been removed from the entrance.  So she came running to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one Jesus loved, and said, “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we don’t know where they have put him!”

So Peter and the other disciple started for the tomb.  Both were running, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first.  He bent over and looked in at the strips of linen lying there but did not go in.  Then Simon Peter, who was behind him, arrived and went into the tomb.  He saw the strips of linen lying there, as well as the burial cloth that had been around Jesus’ head.  The cloth was folded up by itself, separate from the linen.  Finally, the other disciple, who had reached the tomb first, also went inside.  He saw and believed.  (They still did not understand from Scripture that Jesus had to rise from the dead.)

Then the disciples went back to their homes, but Mary stood outside the tomb crying.  As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus’ body had been, one at the head and the other at the foot.

They asked her, “Woman, why are you crying?”

“They have taken my Lord away,” she said, “and I don’t know where they have put him.”  At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus.

“Woman,” he said, “why are you crying?  Who is it you are looking for?”

Thinking he was the gardener, she said, “Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have carried him, and I will get him.”

Jesus said to her, “Mary.”

She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, “Rabboni!” (which means Teacher).

Jesus said, “Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet returned to the Father.  Go instead to my brothers and tell them, ‘I am returning to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.’”

Mary Magdalene went to the disciples with the news:  “I have seen the Lord!”  and she told them that he had said these things to her.

Although Peter and John have a role in this story about Christ’s resurrection, the main character is Mary Magdalene.  This is significant and symbolic of the fact that it was Mary who experienced one of the most profound and deep changes of life due to the ministry of Jesus.  Mary had been an immoral woman and spiritually enslaved to the machinations of seven demons.  It was Jesus who thoroughly delivered her from her personal hell.  Mary was forever thankful to him for changing her life, and so, she followed Jesus and supported him in any way she could.  Mary was at the foot of the cross when Jesus died.  While other disciples were keeping their distance out of fear, Mary was bold in standing with the other women for all to see that they were completely devoted to Jesus.  Mary never turned her back on Jesus.  It was Mary who was there on the Sunday morning of Christ’s resurrection.  Whereas the other followers were nowhere to be found, Mary came to the grave, still with a heart given to Jesus and grieving over his death.

Because Mary had been given a new chance at life, she was deeply thankful and everything she had belonged to Jesus.  Mary Magdalene was forgiven much, and, so she loved much.  Here she is, after her Lord’s crucifixion, death, and burial, at the grave of Jesus.  Mary came to the tomb on Easter Sunday still living in a Good Friday world – grieving, sad, and discouraged.  She soon discovered, however, that Christ is risen!

In the midst of your days of disappointment, loss, or sadness, how have you been surprised by joy and the presence of the risen Christ?  How has your grief been turned to gratitude?  Have you seen the risen Lord?

One day, 33 years ago, I was down sick with the flu and in bed.  I barely remember my wife coming into the bedroom after a doctor’s appointment upset and crying.  She was trying to rouse me with a mix of good and bad news.  Mary had gone to the doctor thinking that she probably had picked up my flu.  Instead, the doctor gave her the news that she was pregnant with our first child.  But there was more….

After the examination the doctor had reason to believe that our little baby might be in the wrong place – that she was not where she should be and may very well be in the fallopian tube and not the womb.  So, here I am – barely able to move getting out of bed – driving my wife to the hospital for an ultrasound with such a range of emotions within me that all I can do is weep, feeling, much like Mary Magdalene, that my Lord has been taken away from me.  It just felt like I didn’t know where Jesus was at that moment and why I was going through this surreal craziness.

I will never forget the words and even the tone of voice of the ultrasound technician as we anxiously stared at a screen we didn’t understand.  The technician said, “She is right where she is supposed to be!”  The tears turned to complete joy.  And the words were prophetic.  There was no way that the technician could know at six weeks in the womb that we were having a little girl, yet she referred to the peanut within my wife as “she.”  And we immediately knew what her name was:  “Sarah,” which is the Hebrew name for “Princess.”  God had graced us with a precious gift of royalty, coming from the grace of King Jesus.

I want us to know this morning, on this great Day of Resurrection, that we are right where we are supposed to be.  It might seem out of place spending so much time at home; not working in ways we’re used to, or even working at all; wondering where God is or how the divine fits into this topsy-turvy situation of pandemic and economic instability.  The truth of matter is this:  You are right where you are supposed to be.  God has you precisely where he wants you.  This morning, right now, you are a witness to the resurrection of Jesus.  Along with Mary Magdalene there is the astonished declaration, “I have seen Jesus.”

Do Not Hold On To Me - He Qi
“Do Not Hold On to Me,” by He Qi, 2013. Jesus and Mary Magdalene

Let Mary Magdalene’s experience be of encouragement to you.  Mary had been given a new life and was transformed by the Lord.  Yet, on Easter Sunday she did not immediately get what the heck was going on.  Jesus rising from death was not anywhere on her radar.  The empty tomb and the angels did not immediately lead her to faith – not until she saw Jesus, and even then, she did not recognize him.  Only when Jesus called her name did Mary recognize him and respond, believing it was her Lord.  And Jesus is still calling out names.  He is calling your name.  Jesus had said to his disciples that the sheep listen to the shepherd’s voice; he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out (John 10:3-4).  One little word can change our lives forever:  our name.

Easter opens a whole new world for us, as it did for Mary – a future of announcing good news and proclaiming resurrection.  There is a simple reason why the grave clothes were left in the tomb just lying there – they were not needed anymore!  We no longer need the grave clothes of discouragement, defeat, and despair.  We no longer need to weep and wonder, because Christ is risen!  He has called our name and we hear his voice.

The 20th century Swiss theologian, Karl Barth, said that what brings people to worship God – not just on Easter, but any day – is an unspoken question clinging to our minds and hearts:  Is it true?  Is it true that God lives?  Is it true that Jesus is alive?  Could it be true that I can live a new life in Christ?  Is it true that I can rebuild my life?  Is it all true?  Mary Magdalene approached the tomb and found that it was true.

All over the world, this very day, followers of Jesus are testifying that this is all real:  Christ is risen, and there is new life in Jesus our Lord.  Right now, believers across the globe are worshiping the risen Lord because they declare along with us, “I have seen the Lord!”

God has always been in the business of changing lives.  British author A. N. Wilson, used to be known for his scathing attacks on Christianity and proclaimed the death of God… celebrated Easter in 2009 at a church with a group of other church members, proclaiming that that the story of the Jesus of the Gospels is the only story that makes sense out of life and its challenges. Wilson said, “My own return to faith has surprised none more than myself …. My belief has come about in large measure because of the lives and examples of people I have known—not the famous, not saints, but friends and relations who have lived, and faced death, in light of the resurrection story, and in the quiet acceptance that they have a future after they die.”

The moment Jesus calls a person’s name, the power of the resurrection is enabled—the same power that raised Jesus from the dead.  See what you consider as immovable slabs of stone in your life—maybe it’s bitterness, insecurity, fear, self-doubt or cynicism. Those immense rocks can be rolled away. To know Jesus is to know the power of the resurrection.  We don’t need to merely hear testimonies of changed lives like Mary Magdalene’s; we can experience new life ourselves.

There is one word, one name, which has forever changed the world: “Jesus.”  And Jesus wants to change the world by uttering one simple word, one name:  your name, so that you can exclaim with great joy, “I have seen the Lord!”

Mighty God, as Christ burst forth from the grave, may new life explode from us and show itself in acts of love and healing to a hurting world.  May your ever-living Son, Jesus our Lord, keep our hearts rejoicing and grant us peace this day and always in resurrection power.  Amen.

Click Christ the Lord Is Risen Today by the Northland Church choir and sing aloud to the One has conquered death!