Tag: marriage

Directives For the Married and Divorced (1 Corinthians 7:10-16)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year BLeave a comment

To the married I give this command—not I but the Lord—that the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does separate, let her remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband) and that the husband should not divorce his wife.

To the rest I say—I and not the Lord—that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. And if any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce the husband. 

For the unbelieving husband is made holy through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy through the brother. Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so; in such a case the brother or sister is not bound. It is to peace that God has called us. Wife, for all you know, you might save your husband. Husband, for all you know, you might save your wife. (New Revised Standard Version)

Having specifically addressed questions about sex; and having directly talked to the Christians in Corinth who were single; the Apostle Paul then turned to the married persons in the church. He gave directions about their concerns of divorce and how to handle a spouse who does not share the believing spouse’s Christian beliefs.

Divorce

Divorce is one of those things that no one plans on happening when they are married; and yet, it happens. The Apostle was realistic about the situation. He upheld the sanctity of marriage, while recognizing that the ideal of two people remaining together and blessing one another doesn’t always happen.

I find it interesting, as well as gracious and understanding, that Paul neither condemns nor denounces the divorced person. He assumes that both spouses have responsibility, and both can take initiative as partners in a marriage.

A Christian married to an unbelieving partner, according to Paul, ought to remain married. As long as the non-believing spouse is willing to remain in such a marriage, then it should continue.

The Apostle’s rationale is that peace, not divorce, needs to be the controlling characteristic of both the marriage and of the Christian life.

“Mixed” Marriage

Furthermore, Paul believed that Christians are not defiled by pagan spouses. This is important when it comes to the children of a Christian and non-Christian marriage. The relationship is sanctified by the presence of both the believing spouse and the Holy Spirit.

In addition, the Apostle saw that the Christian spouse is in a special position for God to work through them to the unbelieving spouse. On this point, Paul is sanguine and optimistic. Instead of worrying about impurity for the Christian, he foresaw an opportunity for purity in the non-Christian.

The Apostle Paul’s realism reminds us that if we are looking for ultimate satisfaction through marriage (or singleness and celibacy) it will never be found.

That’s because, as Christians, contentment and peace comes through giving our lives to serve the Lord Jesus in love. To love another, and offer the gift of self-sacrificial service to them, is the ultimate path to the way of Christ.

In losing our lives, we find them; in being last, we are promoted to first.

Marriage is beautiful. Divorce is ugly. Sometimes, despite a believer’s greatest efforts at being peaceful and loving, a divorce occurs. It takes two to have a marriage. There are times when the believing person must let their spouse go, that is, if that spouse wants to go.

Although divorce can be ugly and sad, full of broken dreams, and littered with missed expectations, it doesn’t need to stay that way. The divorced person, becoming single, now has the opportunity to bring something beautiful out of the brokenness.

Kintsugi

“Kintsugi” is a Japanese term for the art of repairing broken objects. The word literally means to “join with gold.” This art form uses a particular lacquer to reattach broken pieces. Then the newly attached joints are decorated with gold (or silver) powder.

The working idea behind the art of kintsugi is to embrace the flaws and the imperfections. By doing so, the artist can create a beautiful piece of art, stronger than the original.

Applying this to relationships, people no longer have to simply live with the shame of a broken marriage. We can assign value to people who are divorced, and stop trying to hide the relational damage. Through intentional efforts on healing, the scars left behind can truly become a source of beauty – instead of permanent ugliness.

Ikigai

Another Japanese concept which can be relevant for us is “ikigai.” It refers to having a reason for living, a sense of purpose and meaning to life. The idea behind ikigai is to help people find what is truly important to them, and then to live a life full of joy and purpose. Notice the concept is based on that which is internal – fulfillment, satisfaction, joy, and meaning – instead of external factors such as money, fame, power, or position.

Jesus joyfully lived his life on this earth to serve others. He came not to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many (Mark 10:45). If marriage was the ideal for everyone in this world, I’m quite sure Jesus would have modeled that for us by getting married. But he didn’t.

Neither marriage, nor singleness, is what really counts. Faith, expressing itself through love, is what actually counts. (Galatians 5:6)

And when Jesus was broken, the result became the salvation of the world. By his wounds, we are healed. (Isaiah 53:5)

All of this demonstrates for us where and what we are to assign meaning. And just because things don’t work out like we want, and leaves us in a state of brokenness, our lives can be transformed into a beauty beyond what we could have imagined.

This is the strength and ability of Christianity. Methinks we ought to let it have its way in our lives.

Almighty and everlasting God, the One who makes us whole in our brokenness, calls us to deeper faith, and delivers us from all things that hinder our devotion to you: Hear our prayer, Lord, and break open all we hold back from you, so that we may see a vision of your helping and healing presence in our lives and in our world, through Jesus Christ, in the power of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Questions About Sex (1 Corinthians 7:1-9)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year BLeave a comment

Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations. But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.

The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.

Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another.

So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust. (New Living Translation)

After getting into several issues of interpersonal relations within the church, the Apostle Paul turned his attention to matters the Corinthian congregation had questions about. Primary among them were issues of sex and marriage.

Within an ancient port city that was rife with all sorts of sexual practices and immorality, it was inevitable that the Corinthian Christians would wonder about the nature of sex and the marital relationship. Is it okay to have sex? Is sex good? What’s sex supposed to be like in marriage? How am I to treat my spouse when it comes to sex?

It seems every culture in every era has plenty of questions about sex and marriage.

The Apostle’s answer to the Corinthian believers is that sex is a good thing, that is, within a proper context. Sex is similar to fire. They’re both good, but they both have an incredible potential for destruction if there are not some solid boundaries and limits to them.

And that’s where marriage comes in and has a significant role for us as sexual beings. Marriage is also a good thing; it’s good to have a marital partner to share life with and to consummate a loving relationship with the intimacy of sex.

Our sexual drives are strong. After all, we were created with both the desire and the bodily equipment for sex. And marriage is a sacred institution which is strong enough to provide those boundaries and limits that we need to enjoy sex without harming others and ourselves.

In a world full of all manner of sexual deviancy and disorder that destroys many people, the marriage relationship is, ideally, a safe place for sexual expression and enjoyment.

For that good to happen, it is most necessary for the marriage bed to be a place of mutual love, of equal acceptance and sharing. Sex always turns bad when it is forced or coerced. It must be an agreed upon activity, or it moves into the place of covetousness, greed, and selfishness.

Again, ideally, marital relations are an opportunity for the marriage partners to think about and satisfy one another. In other words, the best sex happens when each partner considers what is best for the other.

The marriage bed is not the place to insist on your way. Rather, marriage, at its heart, is a deliberate and volitional decision to serve the other person – whether in bed, or out of bed.

It’s not uncommon for individuals who come to Christ out of a culture awash in unhealthy sexual practices to question if sex is good, or not; and whether one ought to abstain from sex, even if already married.

The Apostle Paul’s counsel is that abstinence from sex between two married partners is good – but only for an agreed upon period of time, and only for the purpose of prayer and fasting. In other words, if and when a couple agrees to forego sex for a time, spiritual practices must replace sexual practice. Without a clear plan, married couples can cause one another more harm than good.

Always know when to come back together again. That’s because our old adversary, Satan, is far too crafty in arranging temptations to derail us from the good gift of sex, and the good institution of marriage.

Paul made it clear that he was not pronouncing some ex cathedra instruction concerning abstinence for couples; he was only answering a question and providing some helpful counsel in order to maintain legitimate relations with each other. Nobody is under obligation to abstain, let alone be celibate.

However, the Apostle, an unmarried and celibate person himself, wanted to point out that there are advantages to the celibate life. I must say, I cannot disagree with Paul’s observation that life is whole lot simpler being single than married!

Yet, Paul also understood that the celibate single life is not for everyone. He gave the sage teaching that both marriage and celibacy are gifts from God. One is not necessarily better than the other.

Unmarried persons are not in a lesser class of people simply because they are single. And if they have the ability to manage their desires and emotions when it comes to sex and relationships, then Paul would say, more power to them. There is no need to be married, just to be married.

Conversely, however, there is certainly no need to be single and celibate, as if this were some superior spiritual situation. Believing that singleness is necessary for spiritual commitment, or mandating that an entire group of people must be single and celibate in order to serve Christ, is completely foreign to the Apostle Paul’s line of thinking.

Any single person who discovers they are swimming in sea of sexual desire ought to marry, rather than be frustrated and struggle with self-control. Imposing unnecessary suffering on oneself is not at all spiritual or preferable – it’s masochistic, and helps no one.

The reality of married and non-married relationships is that they both have their advantages and their disadvantages. Both marriage and singleness are good. Both sex and celibacy are gifts to receive with gladness and joy.

So, make sure to unpack your gift well.

Holy God, in the midst of our sexualized world of insanity and disordered loves, I ask for your mercy and grace to be pure and holy, just as You are holy. Enable us all to live into healthy forms of sexual relations, without succumbing to the sexual immorality all around us.

Almighty God, I thank you for the gift of sex and marriage, as well as the gift of singleness and celibacy. May Your healing love meet us in our sexual brokenness, and Your compassion overflow to the sexually oppressed.

Blessed God, I am grateful for Your blessing upon us, for never shaming nor humiliating us, but making us pure and holy in Jesus Christ our Lord, through the enablement of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

What Is It You Are Trying To Do? (Mark 10:2-16)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year BLeave a comment
Jesus blesses the children

Some, testing him, asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of dismissal and to divorce her.” But Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote this commandment for you. But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

Then in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”

People were bringing children to him in order that he might touch them, and the disciples spoke sternly to them. But when Jesus saw this, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not stop them, for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs. Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it.” And he took them up in his arms, laid his hands on them, and blessed them. (New Revised Standard Version)

Trying To Parse the Law?

The topic of divorce has always been a hot button issue throughout human history. And there have continually been diverse views and opinions about it. This is also true of Holy Scripture. A variety of interpretations are offered by many about the Bible’s view of divorce, and Christ’s words concerning it.

Much like today, divorce in the first century was accepted as part of what happens in society, even among Jews, although it was more proliferate in other cultures. Most of the discussions about divorce centered in legal details, with some speaking against it as bad for society.

Among the Jewish religious leaders and experts in the law, it was generally recognized that divorce occurs, with Mosaic legislation proscribing how to carry out divorce (Deuteronomy 24:1-4). Yet, other scripture texts frame the existence of divorce as questionable for God’s people. (e.g. Genesis 2:24; Malachi 2:13-16)

Trying to Test Jesus?

Anyone who doesn’t like another, will often confront them on a hot button issue that has plenty of diverse opinion to it. This is why the Pharisees sought to get Christ’s take on the topic of divorce.

Essentially, Jesus reframed divorce so that it was no longer simply a legal topic, but involves real people. Christ talked about divorce in a way that upheld the dignity of persons, especially women; and lifted up the true sanctity of marriage.

In turning the discussion from a legalities to God’s design for humanity and marriage, Jesus cut to the heart of the matter, to God’s intent, and to human frailty. He focused on relationships, because they were inherent from the beginning.

Yes, divorce is a reality, and it is has its place in society. But no, it’s not supposed to be this way. The very word “divorce” means there is a separation, a breech, a disconnection of relationship. This is why Christ went to another topic: adultery.

Trying To Divorce Women?

Jesus said that a person initiating a divorce in order to marry another person commits adultery. In saying this, he was not offering a legal conversation of details. Rather, Christ was focusing on people; he was concerned for wives and women.

The conversation between Jesus and the Pharisees was a discussion between men, and presupposed a man’s point of view on divorce. Women did not have the ability to initiate divorce in the ancient society.

And Christ seems to have had no stomach for being drawn into abstract legal debates between a bunch of men. Instead, he cared about the people involved in an actual divorce, especially the women.

For all intents and purposes, women (and their sexuality) were the property of men – the father, and then later, the husband. In this social milieu, whenever a husband initiated a break in the relationship, it was important for a woman to have a certified document of divorce. Without that certification, a woman divorcee would be landlocked, unable to do much of anything, as well as be the brunt of societal gossip, slander, or worse.

Since Jesus was talking to the men, the Pharisees, he pointedly looked at them and let them know that, although they might initiate a divorce, it in no way justified their sneaking and creeping around. It didn’t cover their adulterous relationship(s) nor their adulterous hearts.

All this is to say that Christ very much opposed divorce on the grounds of putting a wife away out of a desire for a different spouse. He intended on empowering women. In a divorce situation, because a man was in control of the process, it was then the man who commits adultery against the woman.

Both logically and legally, a woman could never commit adultery because of divorce – only the man. What’s more, adultery is not primarily a violation of the law, but of the woman. Jesus believed it was high time for some accountability with the men.

Even though contemporary Western society is much different than the ancient social structure, Christ’s teaching is still relevant. The need to uphold not just the law, but the rights of women is a must for today, as well.

Unless we can observe Christ’s concern for women’s justice and rights, there will be men who continue to leverage their own gender over and against females and wives. And there will continue to be both husbands and wives who initiate divorce for their own adulterous motives, thus putting their spouse in moral, legal, emotional, and spiritual jeopardy.

Trying To Keep Children Away?

The overarching ethics of Jesus, and the law of God, is to provide justice and righteousness for the most vulnerable among us. And this is why the teaching about divorce is coupled with instruction about children.

In our contemporary society, children have rights and are accorded significant status. That was not true in the ancient world. Children were mostly viewed as potential adults. Until then, kids were to stay quiet unless spoken to, and to obey their parents with absolutely no talk-back.

Christ’s disciples did what any student following their teacher would do; they kept the kids at bay so that Jesus could do his important ministry work. But what the disciples discovered is that the kids were actually part of that important ministry work. As children, they were vulnerable, at the low end of the social scale, and had no personal rights other than being part of a family.

To become like a little child in order to enter the kingdom of God did not mean becoming innocent; it meant becoming humble and dependent, and embracing meekness, gentleness, and lowliness. It meant to become the last and the least among us. Because the last will be first, and the least will become great.

Trying To Get It Right?

It’s important for us to uphold the sanctity of human life, and the spirit of the law. The law is intended to preserve and protect life – and is not to be used to find loopholes or ways to get what you want.

Meeting the needs of all people – whether they be men, women, children, and whether they be rich or poor – is to be everyone’s concern. Why? Because justice and righteousness are at the heart of God’s concern for humanity.

Merciful God, who discerns each heart: We confess our family is most often like strangers to us. So, give to all parents and children the grace to see one another as they truly are, and as you have called them to be. In the name of Jesus Christ, our mediator and advocate, we pray. Amen.

Final Exhortations on the Christian Life (Hebrews 13:1-16)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year ALeave a comment
Forever Hebrews, by Anthony Falbo

Keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters. Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it. Continue to remember those in prison as if you were together with them in prison, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering.

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,

“Never will I leave you;
    never will I forsake you.”

So we say with confidence,

“The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.
    What can mere mortals do to me?”

Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

Do not be carried away by all kinds of strange teachings. It is good for our hearts to be strengthened by grace, not by eating ceremonial foods, which is of no benefit to those who do so. We have an altar from which those who minister at the tabernacle have no right to eat.

The high priest carries the blood of animals into the Most Holy Place as a sin offering, but the bodies are burned outside the camp. And so Jesus also suffered outside the city gate to make the people holy through his own blood. Let us, then, go to him outside the camp, bearing the disgrace he bore. For here we do not have an enduring city, but we are looking for the city that is to come.

Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise—the fruit of lips that openly profess his name. And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased. (New International Version)

Whenever I read this final chapter in the New Testament book of Hebrews, it gives me the feel of a parent blurting out a bunch of loving exhortations before the kids leave.

Throughout this incredible letter to a group of struggling Jewish Christians, the author of Hebrews offered a mix of pastoral encouragement along with pointed spiritual warnings. Now, after doing his best to demonstrate that Jesus is worth holding on to, the author exhorts the people with several practical instructions to help focus them for a life of guidance and direction in the ways of Christianity.

Keep on Loving Each Other

Love is the distinguishing characteristic of a Christian. A group of people can only persevere if they encourage one another daily with a combination of cheerleading and rebuke. The big idea is that everyone must hold each other accountable for living the Christian life.

Show Hospitality to Strangers

The word for hospitality literally means “love of stranger.” It’s the opposite of xenophobia (fear of the other). Hospitality is an expression of love for Christ in meeting the needs of people we don’t even know. Why do it? One good reason is that they just might be angels.

Remember Prisoners and Mistreated Persons

In the ancient world, there was no state-supported prison system. Incarcerated persons were completely dependent upon the mercy of their family and friends for food and relational connection. In the case of those who were truly alone, the church extended needed benevolence to them. Otherwise, prisoners would languish and eventually die.

Furthermore, we are to be observant of those who endure suffering from mistreatment. Why? Because the believers were in that position, too. Instead of “looking out for number one,” the church was to engage the community and not be isolated from its needs.

Honor the Institution of Marriage

God cares about how we honor our commitments. Ideally, couples are to keep their relationship pure without adulterating themselves with others. They submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. And they keep their promises to each other, no matter what circumstances they find themselves in.

In God’s economy, there’s no such thing as “free love” in the sense that we can have multiple partners without any sort of consequence or fallout. Friends with benefits is a misnomer. Random sex is oxymoronic. And casual lovers are in huge denial. There is a high cost to it all.

Don’t Love Money

This, of course, is a tricky one. We need money. Everyone must use money. But the love of money sets us on a dark path from which few are able to return. The best way (and really the only way) of avoiding the money pit is to be content with what you have.

Gratitude and thanksgiving has the power to grant us a happy life, even though it may be a very simple one. The only permanent things in the universe are relationships – everything else will burn.

Remember Your Leaders

Recall those persons who were good examples in both their speech and action. And imitate their faith. I wonder how many of us could say that to another person – to mimic our own life. If you’re like me, one of the things which stick out to you about respected leaders in your life, is their passion and desire in living for Christ. And, like Jesus, they were never fickle, but were always consistent and unwavering in their commitments.

Don’t Be Carried Away by Different Teachings

The basic message of the gospel has not changed: There is still good news of great joy for all who believe, because Jesus has taken care of the sin issue once for all through his singular sacrifice. And Jesus will sustain us by means of the Holy Spirit graciously given us. There’s no need to look elsewhere for our needs to be met.

Bear Christ’s Disgrace

Go to Jesus outside the camp – or in other words – live a holy life. Live into the words and ways of Christ. In doing so, we will actually end up being ridiculed, even abused. In concluding the Beatitudes in the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus promised that living a holy life of humility, righteousness, mercy, purity and peacemaking will result in persecution. (Matthew 5:10-12)

So, why live this way? Because it is the path to our eternal inheritance. The broad road leads to destruction, but the narrow way of holiness brings us to eternal life.

Continually Offer to God a Sacrifice of Praise

Praise comes from a heart full of gratitude for deliverance from sin, death, and hell – for salvation from all the guilt and shame of things done and things left undone. Praise is our sacrifice, not animals. In a world where many people want followers of Jesus to keep their mouths shut, those devoted to Christ find themselves incessantly chattering about Jesus because of their union with him.

Be Benevolent

Part of offering a sacrifice of praise is using our time and resources for the benefit of blessing the church and the world. We aren’t simply consumers who receive salvation and blessing from God; we are also producers who thoughtfully and compassionately give of our gifts, talents, time, and money for those in need of grace and love.

Conclusion

Why are we to obey these various exhortations from the author of Hebrews? Because we were purchased at a price – the precious blood of Jesus Christ. And as a result of receiving such a grace from God, the believer willingly gives themselves to becoming holy, serving faithfully, and offering compassionate spiritual care in the name of Christ.

For love is always the true litmus test of every genuine follower of Jesus, and the thing which gives motivation and shape to each exhortation.

Amen. May it be so, to the glory of God.