Then David said to Joab and all the people with him, “Tear your clothes and put on sackcloth and walk in mourning in front of Abner.” King David himself walked behind the bier. They buried Abner in Hebron, and the king wept aloud at Abner’s tomb. All the people wept also.
The king sang this lament for Abner:
“Should Abner have died as the lawless die?
Your hands were not bound,
your feet were not fettered.
You fell as one falls before the wicked.”
And all the people wept over him again.
Then they all came and urged David to eat something while it was still day; but David took an oath, saying, “May God deal with me, be it ever so severely, if I taste bread or anything else before the sun sets!”
All the people took note and were pleased; indeed, everything the king did pleased them. So on that day all the people there and all Israel knew that the king had no part in the murder of Abner son of Ner.
Then the king said to his men, “Do you not realize that a commander and a great man has fallen in Israel this day? (New International Version)
To put it succinctly, Abner was a rascal. He was smart and savvy, as well as self-centered and treacherous. Abner was the general of Israel’s armies. In his shrewdness, Abner knew that King David of Judah would eventually win out.
So, he set things up to sell-out his position with Ish-Bosheth, the king of Israel, and bring all of Israel and Judah together as one people. Then, he would be the general in a united kingdom under David.
However, Abner had burned some bridges in his day, and created some enemies. Joab was one of them, David’s general. What’s more, Joab was loyal to King David and did not have intentions like those of Abner. All of this (and more) stirred within Joab, as Abner and David talked through a transition plan.
Joab was a bitter man. He and his brother Abishai did not like their king consorting with Abner. Abner had killed their brother Asahel in the battle at Gibeon. Bitterness turned Joab into a myopic person who could only see his own perspective. So he and his brother murdered Abner without David’s knowledge. Abner was a stinker in a lot of ways. But he didn’t go around murdering people, and he himself didn’t deserve to be murdered.
When David found out, he chose not to channel his anger into another murder. Instead, he wisely focused on grieving the loss of Abner and demonstrating to all Israel and Judah what sort of king he really was.
“Many people suffer because of the false supposition on which they have based their lives. That supposition is that there should be no fear or loneliness, no confusion or doubt. But these sufferings can only be dealt with creatively when they are understood as wounds integral to our human condition.” Henri Nouwen
Far too many people allow their spiritual and emotional wounds to fester – eventually poisoning their own character. With the illness of bitterness, someone is always bound to get hurt.
We all have to contend with adverse situations and hard circumstances. Our doubts, wonderings, hurts, and suffering may be legitimate, yet if addressed in an illegitimate way, those things become emotional wounds that seek to wound others.
Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. (Hebrews 12:14-15, NIV)
David had no picnic for a life. Saul had tried to repeatedly kill him, hunting David down like an animal. After Saul was killed in battle, there were all sorts of shenanigans going on with people like Abner and Joab. This was no idyllic setting for David to set up a kingdom.
And yet, David made it work by not succumbing to the bitterness which was so easy for others. King David did something different. He seemed to understand that his own woundedness, sufferings, and doubt was the place for personal and spiritual growth – a way of connecting with God.
The hurts which David acquired in his life never became a source of shame to him. Instead, those things became a source of healing – which made him a wounded healer who was able to rule Israel and Judah with mercy, wisdom, and justice.
For us, the same thing can happen. All of the stuff we’ve been through, from people who intended harm for us, doesn’t have to end with being poisoned by bitterness. Our actual woundedness can become the place where we bless the world.
Indeed, ‘tis our weaknesses which give us our true strength.
Bitterness, on the other hand, may fuel some anger and give us a false sense of strength; but it’s only really a matter of time until we implode. And before that happens, the bitter person will likely take down others with the inevitable spit of poison which is vomited up from the pit of their serpentine belly.
We are, like David, to take a different path in dealing with the troubles brought upon us by others:
And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Ephesians 4:30-32, NIV)
The road to a better life is full of twists and turns, and fraught with severe potholes and downed trees. But the road to a bitter life is quite easy, straight and paved perfectly smooth with asphalt. The problem is that it is a one way highway to the cemetery.
The clock is ticking, and it’s no time for bitterness. Which road will you take?
Blessed God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, please don’t let our appropriate anger morph into destructive revenge. Don’t let our raw hurts become a festering and putrid abscess of the soul, which is bent on getting even—repaying harm for harm, evil for evil, and death for death.
Holy Spirit, our Companion and Counselor, don’t let our hearts become gardens for the roots of resentment, growing into bushes of bitterness. Give us, instead, the desire to forgive others. May redemption and restoration have their way in us, through Christ our Lord. Amen.
