Tag: genesis 35

Accept Accountability (Genesis 35:22-29)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year ALeave a comment

So then, each one of us will be held accountable. (Romans 14:12)

While Israel lived in that land, Reuben went and lay with Bilhah his father’s concubine, and Israel heard of it.

Now the sons of Jacob were twelve. The sons of Leah: Reuben (Jacob’s firstborn), Simeon, Levi, Judah, Issachar, and Zebulun. The sons of Rachel: Joseph and Benjamin. The sons of Bilhah, Rachel’s maid: Dan and Naphtali. The sons of Zilpah, Leah’s maid: Gad and Asher. These were the sons of Jacob who were born to him in Paddan-aram.

Jacob came to his father Isaac at Mamre, or Kiriath-arba, that is, Hebron, where Abraham and Isaac had resided as aliens. Now the days of Isaac were one hundred eighty years. And Isaac breathed his last; he died and was gathered to his people, old and full of days, and his sons Esau and Jacob buried him. (New International Version Updated Edition)

For me, one of the great tragedies of the human experience is that we share so little of ourselves to and for one another. And that especially goes for those times when we fail, make a poor decision, or feel guilty for not being a better person.

It seems that in those times we gravitate toward covering up whatever misdeeds we have done. Why do we do that? There’s a myriad of answers to that question. There are many folks who simply do want to be held accountable for their wrongdoing – not to mention the shame and embarrassment the action may bring to them. They would like to keep some sort of manufactured pristine image to project for the world, instead of what’s really going on.

I like that the Bible is mostly straightforward about issues concerning accountability (both at the personal, and especially at the corporate level). It’s hard to live in a safe and enjoyable society whenever there is a lack of accountability within the community.

In today’s Old Testament lesson, we get this seemingly isolated verse thrown into the mix of a Scripture story. But it’s an important insertion. It has consequences to its actions, with the sort of ramifications that reverberate throughout time.

Reuben was the firstborn son of Jacob – which carried with it a whole set of responsibilities, as well as privileges. Yet, Reuben did something that left him accountable before both his earthly and heavenly fathers. He “lay with” his father’s concubine (that is, a lesser wife) who was not his own mother.

We aren’t told why Reuben did it. But I think we are meant to read between the lines enough to know why.

What eventually happens is that Reuben loses his family status. At the end of Jacob’s life – as he was doling out blessings to each son – he had this to say about Reuben:

Assemble and hear, O sons of Jacob;
    listen to Israel your father.

Reuben, you are my firstborn,
    my might and the first fruits of my vigor,
    excelling in rank and excelling in power.
Unstable as water, you shall no longer excel
    because you went up onto your father’s bed;
    then you defiled it—you went up onto my couch! (Genesis 49:2-4, NRSVUE)

Unfortunately, this fails to sound like the sort of blessing one would want to hear at the end of his father’s life. But that’s what accountability does; it makes sure that the offense is put squarely on the perpetrator, and not the victim.

For me, one of the maddening things about today’s political climate is that personal wrongdoers, along with the institutional evils surrounding them, have no thought or appetite for being accountable to the very people to whom they are supposed to be serving. It’s as if public service and the value of the nation’s common good isn’t even in the current presidential cabinet vocabulary.

However, accountability will have its day. And it’s not only in government. Business corporations, healthcare organizations, financial systems, educational institutions, and much more are rife with all sorts of clever ways to get around being accountable to others for their unjust activity.

I have personally experienced it myself, multiple times. And right now, today, there are millions of people whom no one knows is going through hell at their job because of this very issue of the powerful using their position at the expense of the powerless.

“Accountability breeds responsibility.” Stephen Covey

Please hear me when I say this, even though it can be a very scary and intimidating thing: Not naming the person or persons or institutions which perpetrate injustice protects those perpetrators from the accountability they need. Investigations into unethical and/or illegal activity cannot happen unless it is identified and named.

Not everyone is a deliberate knucklehead who goes around hurting people. Sometimes they just need a whistleblower to call them on their injustice. And once that happens, behavior and attitudes change. That’s how it’s supposed to work. Yet, we all know that it doesn’t always work like that – which is why it is important to have plenty of support through your own unwanted and fiery experience.

Taking a lesson in accountability from Jacob toward Reuben, he didn’t attack his son, but stuck to the issue which brought his downfall from firstborn status. In other words, it’s always best to attack problems, not people. If not, we ourselves end up becoming the very sort of perpetrators we try to expose.

And, by the way, if you are observing or seeing a pattern of illicit behavior, keep a journal of it; write it down; document what actually happened and what kind of impact it had on you. In today’s society, failing to have appropriate documentation usually means the perpetration is going to go unaccounted for.

One of the reasons there is not a full-fledged soap opera account of Reuben’s act with Bilhah is the nature of Holy Scripture itself. The Bible leaves lots of details out with open stories in order for us as readers to understand with our imaginations what’s going on; and to envision the potential outcomes of particular actions.

What “really happened” is much less important than the lessons we are meant to learn from any biblical story. We may consider large gaps in stories as an annoyance, yet I believe those gaps are quite intentional.

Holy Scripture is meant to not only be an individual reading experience, but is a valuable opportunity for robust moral and theological discussion about contemporary realities as they relate to ancient wisdom traditions.

As readers and interpreters, we must fully engage the story, paying attention to what’s there, and what’s not there. Then, figure out together how we might (or ought) to fill in those gaps of what’s missing.

And for me, I see all sorts of ways in which all of us must be surrounded by and surrendered to accountability. Being accountable to others means that we accept responsibility when it is ours to accept, thus strengthening the bonds of community.

What’s more, accountability fosters courage and humility, as well as stopping the blame game in its tracks.

When it comes to the Church, we have a collective responsibility because of our baptismal covenant to strive for justice, peace, and the common good of all heavenly citizens. That means we will continually work toward observing the dignity and worth of every human we encounter – even the ones we don’t much like.

Blessed God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, help me to be honest with myself and release the excuses that hold me back.

Give me the strength to take responsibility for my actions and the courage to choose growth over comfort.

Renew my mindset so I see challenges as opportunities, not reasons to delay.

Align my thoughts and actions with purpose, discipline, and truth.

Teach me to be consistent in the small things,

and to follow through on what I start, even when it feels difficult.

Help me to trust my ability to grow,

and to move forward with confidence instead of doubt.

Guide me to move forward with clarity, ownership, and intention,

becoming the person I am meant to be, in the power of your Holy Spirit.

Amen.

Communicate with Clarity and Care (Genesis 35:1-4)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year ALeave a comment
Jacob burying the false gods under the oak by Shechem, by Sébastien Bourdon (1616-1671)

Then God said to Jacob, “Go to Bethel and live there. Make an altar there. I am the God who appeared to you when you were fleeing from your brother Esau.”

So Jacob said to his family and those who were with him, “Get rid of the foreign gods which you have, wash yourselves until you are ritually clean, and change your clothes. Then let’s go to Bethel. I will make an altar there to God, who answered me when I was troubled and who has been with me wherever I’ve gone.” So they gave Jacob all the foreign gods that they had in their possession as well as the earrings that they had on. Jacob buried these things under the oak tree near Shechem. (God’s Word Translation)

Christianity has existed for 2,000 years; Judaism for 4,000 years or more. That’s a long time. On the one hand, this is a tremendous legacy of faith, grounded in several millennia of solid religious tradition. And on the other hand, something existing for so long is bound to accumulate some barnacles that get encrusted on the faith.

And if those barnacles are there for too long, it becomes assumed that they’re just part of the ship of faith. But they’re not; they need to be removed so we can see the real thing and move through life unencumbered and not dragged by extraneous stuff.

The familiar, over time, is taken for granted. And when that happens, we lose sight of what is most important, of what is most needed.

God helped Jacob – the son of Isaac, the son of Abraham – to reconnect with a seminal experience from earlier in his life. That experience was a vison of God, and an assurance that God was with Jacob. He was not alone.

But, years later, after accumulating two wives, twelve sons, and many flocks of sheep and other animals, it was time to move and make a home and an altar elsewhere. Instead of taking the Lord for granted, and forgetting the difficulties of the past, God intervened and called the whole crew to go and live in another place.

The communication from God brought Jacob to a spiritual place of realizing what had happened over the years; slowly and perhaps imperceptibly, the barnacles of idolatry had become encrusted amongst his family. And they were obstacles which needed to be jettisoned before they could move on.

Jacob needed to hear from God. Jacob’s family needed to hear from him. And that communication had to be a helpful way of scraping the barnacles off from decades of misplaced living.

Our world today is marked by unfeeling meanness to strangers, a profound lack of empathy, respect, and basic human kindness toward one another. Individuals, groups, communities, and entire nations don’t know how to talk to each other in a way that is helpful and life-giving.

We need a process which helps us have a way of being with others that is compassionate. It is imperative that we have communication that guides us in both expressing ourselves and listening to others. And that process must focus on what we are observing, feeling, and needing.

It is essential that humanity creates deeper personal relationships and maintains them. If not, we will be overcome by the barnacles of suspicion, hate, distrust of others, as well as distance from God.

Unless we are with each other in helpful ways, we will devolve into judgmental and critical speech directed toward others or even ourselves. Violent words are the main obstacle to having compassion on others.

Comparisons and classifications of people, denial of responsibility for words and behaviors, and making demands, leads to estranged relationships. Instead, we can do better. We can be with one another and talk to each other by communicating observations, feelings, needs, and requests.

Observation

  • Observe, rather than evaluate. Whenever we observe something, and then quickly evaluate it, the other person will tend to hear criticism and resist what we are saying.
  • Be specific, not general. It’s helpful to make a specific observation instead of a general one. For example, God was specific about what Jacob was to do. And Jacob was quite specific about the situation of idolatry and what to do about it before the family could move to Bethel.

Feeling

  • Acknowledge and express your emotion. Clearly and specifically identify and name your emotions because this is the way we connect more easily with others. Jacob told his family of feeling troubled in the past and that God helped him deal with it.
  • Be vulnerable. Expressing our feelings can help resolve conflicts. The old adage is true: People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.

Need

  • What do you need? Take responsibility for your feelings. Connect your feeling with your need. Jacob was devoted to God because his emotions were tethered with how God had met his needs throughout his life.
  • Others do not cause our feelings, and they are not responsible for our emotions. Jacob’s family did exactly what Jacob told them to do – and did not buck him or resist him – mainly because he let them know how he was feeling, and why he was telling them to rid themselves of idols and move on with him to Bethel.
  • Listen to yourself. Judgments of others are projections of our own unmet needs; and conversely, being kind to ourselves, listening to our thoughts, and paying attention to how we carry stress in our bodies, allows us to be helpful to others and present to them in whatever they are going through.
  • We are not responsible for other people’s feelings. We can never meet our own needs by trying to make others feel guilt or shame.

Request

  • Ask for what you need and want. We honor ourselves by making requests in clear, positive, and concrete language of what we really need. The clearer we are about what we want, the more likely it is that we’ll get it.
  • The message we send is not always the message which is received by another. Be clear about the response you want so that there is no confusion about what we truly need.

The objective of communication is not to change people and their behavior in order to get our way. Rather, it is to establish relationships based on honesty and empathy that will eventually fulfill everyone’s needs.

There is a need to express honestly and clearly our observations, feelings, needs, and requests, as well as receive another’s communication with focused attention and empathy.

So then, how we talk to and about God, and how we talk to ourselves, becomes a template for how we talk to others. A lack of clear communication is a surefire way of allowing the barnacles of displeasure and disappointment to attach to our souls.

However, clear communication is life-giving and even lifesaving. It’s worth putting significant effort into it.

Blessed Lord, in your infinite wisdom, you created us with the gift of communication. May we use this gift to foster love, understanding, and unity amongst ourselves and with you.

Guide our hearts to speak words of kindness and encouragement. May our tongues be instruments of love, grace and compassion to those around us.

Open our ears, so that we may truly listen and understand the needs and desires of our fellow humanity. Grant us the patience to hear their stories and the wisdom to respond with love and empathy.

Enlighten our minds to be clear and thoughtful in our affect and speech. As we share our thoughts and ideas, may we be ever mindful of your presence, seeking your holy and good will in all we say and do.

Fill our conversations with honesty and vulnerability. May we find the strength and courage to speak our truth while always remaining respectful and considerate of the feelings of others.

Bind us together in unity and love through our shared communication. May our words build bridges and forge bonds that reflect your divine love and mercy. Amen.