Tag: forgiveness

Principles of Forgiveness

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Exploring Church Ministry BlogLeave a comment
 
 
Since the heart of God’s gospel of grace is the forgiveness of sins we possess through the person and work of Jesus Christ, the church really cannot talk too much about the need for forgiveness.  Christians are not meant to pray a sinner’s prayer, and then move on with their lives without thinking about forgiveness anymore.  Forgiveness is to be a constant dynamic of relationships because we live in a fallen world.  People sin against us.  We sin against others.  Relational pain is a reality this side of heaven.  But revenge and/or passive-aggressive behavior are not biblical ways of handling our hurt.  Let’s keep in mind some principles of what forgiveness is and is not:
 
Forgiveness is hard work. 
 
God did not promise forgiveness would be cheap or easy.  He knows exactly the kind of cost it brings.  Through the blood of Jesus there can be and is forgiveness.  “The blood of bulls and goats and the ashes of a heifer sprinkled on those who are ceremonially unclean sanctify them so that they are outwardly clean.  How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God!” (Hebrews 9:13-14).
 
Forgiveness is a process.
 
            It is a process of putting off and putting on.  It takes time, and cannot be quickly done.  Forgiveness must be deliberate with no shortcuts to it, otherwise it will not stick.  “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:31-32).
 
Forgiveness does not mean we condone bad behavior.
 
            Forgiveness is not blanket amnesty.  It does not simply give another person a “pass” on their sinful words or actions.  Forgiveness just means we do not hold the offense over the other person’s head.  Dr. Fred Luskin from Stanford University does research in the area of forgiveness, and says this about it:  “Forgiveness is giving up all hope of a better past.”  We cannot undo the past.  But we have control of the present, and can choose to forgive.  True forgiveness calls a spade a spade and names the specific offense in all its ugliness, and lets it go.
 
Forgiveness does not always result in reconciliation.
 
            It takes two to reconcile.  It only takes one to forgive.  I have often been told by individuals that it would do no good to forgive another because it would not change the other person.  That is not the point.  We forgive because it is our responsibility to work through our forgiveness issues and to do it.  We are not in control of whether another person will feel sorry for what they did, or not.  We are in control of our own decision to forgive, no matter what the other person does or does not do, or whether they feel the gravity of their sin, or not.
 
Forgiveness is primarily for our benefit.
 
            If you hold on to bitterness toward another for their offense, you are not hurting anybody but yourself.  Drinking the poison of bitterness will kill you, not the other person.  So, deal with forgiving that other person, and do not have the magical thinking that they are going to come to you all slobbery sorry for what they said or did.  That often does not happen.  When it does, it is a beautiful thing.  But we forgive everyone who sins against us just as God has forgiven us.
 

 

            Relational currency in the kingdom of God is forgiveness.  Without it, we can neither operate well together, nor can we enjoy a satisfying life.  But with forgiveness is a demonstration of the practical effects of Christ’s crucifixion in our lives, not to mention a witness to a watching world.  

How to Forgive

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Exploring Church Ministry BlogLeave a comment
Peter came up to the Lord and asked, “How many times should I forgive someone who does something wrong to me?  Is seven times enough?”  Jesus answered:  “Not just seven times, but seventy-seven times!”
 
 
 
If people want to be content in this life, they must obey Christ’s command to practice forgiveness.  But many people live with discontentment because they think to themselves:  “I will not forget what you did, and I will not forgive.”  Persistent thoughts of revenge only serve as a cancer which destroys the mind’s thoughts, erodes the soul, and hinders the heart’s ability to love.  But people who practice forgiveness are much less likely to be hateful, hostile, and belligerent toward others.  They are healthier and happier, and more at peace.
 
            I have had people tell me, “But you don’t know what I’ve been through.”  My typical response is:  “You don’t know what I have been through, either.  You may not even believe some of the things I have experienced, and some of the things that have happened to me and were said to me.  So, can I tell you what I have done to forgive those who have sinned against me?”
 
  1. When I am trying to forgive someone, I pray for them.
            It is hard to keep resenting someone and wish them ill will when you are praying for them on a regular basis.  In the book of Genesis, Joseph was the victim of his brothers’ abuse.  If there was ever a dysfunctional family to grow up in, it was Joseph’s.  Being sold into slavery by your own brothers and being the target of their derision would cause anyone to be upset.  But, many years later, Joseph chose to forgive his brothers.  He acted with their best interests at mind.  He prayed for them, and did not actively work against them.  What is more, he eventually came to see the hand of God in it all.  Joseph said to his brothers, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives” (Genesis 50:20).
 
  1. I write a letter of forgiveness (which I may or may not send).
            In the letter I detail how the person hurt me.  I leave nothing out.  And I express exactly how it made me feel, and how it affected my life.  Then, I express forgiveness and say that I will not hold the offense over their head.  Here is a five-step process for forgiving others using the acrostic REACH which helps shape how I write:
 
Recall.  That is, name the hurt.  Name it squarely.  Do not fudge on it by saying it is not that bad, or as bad as others might have experienced.  Call it what it is, whatever it is:  deceit; stealing; assault or abuse; adultery; or, verbal shaming; even, murder.  The Truth and Reconciliation Commission of South Africa after apartheid was based on providing full disclosure of all crimes.  Those that stepped forward to do so would be offered a full pardon.  Desmond Tutu, who led the commission, was most struck by how many people wanted to hear what had happened to their loved ones from the perpetrators themselves so that they could know whom to forgive.  Methinks we have much learn from our African brothers and sisters.
 
Empathize.  Try and see the offense from the other person’s perspective and attempt to put oneself in the other’s shoes.  This does not mean we paper over the offense; it just means we don’t demonize another as a monster.  That only feeds and fuels our own lack of forgiveness.  When we view others as non-human, then we feel no responsibility to forgive.
 
Altruistic.  Choose to do the right thing and treat the other person well, not because they deserve it, but because it is within your control to extend grace.  Again, this is what Joseph chose to do with his brothers:  “So then, don’t be afraid.  I will provide for you and your children.”  And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them (Genesis 50:21).
 
Commit.  Commit to practice forgiveness.  Make a decision to do it.  Do not wait too long for your feelings to catch up to you.  “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13).
 
Hold.  Hold on to your forgiveness.  Just because you make the decision to forgive does not mean you will never have to do it again.  Once you have forgiven, let it be a stake in the ground in which you can look back to it again and again.  “I forgave him/her, and I will not let the enemy of my soul keep trying to make me bitter about it all over again.”  One of the reasons we repeat the Lord’s Prayer Sunday after Sunday in my church is in order to forgive those who have sinned against us.
 
  1. I talk to a trusted friend, mentor, or counselor about my effort to forgive.
            Many people get stuck in discontentment and an inability to forgive because they do not seek a wise person to help them walk through the process of forgiving.  The easy path is to complain about the offense to someone we know will react with the same level of disgust and spirit of revenge that we ourselves have in our hearts.  But that only reinforces bitterness.  We need someone who can offer us what we need to hear, and not what we want to hear.
 

 

            Forgiveness is at the heart of the gospel, and, so, ought to be at the core of healthy church life.  Let forgiveness shape your life and ministry, and not a bitter unforgiving spirit so that Jesus is glorified in the power of the Holy Spirit.  Amen.

Practicing Forgiveness

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Exploring Church Ministry BlogLeave a comment
Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us (Luke 4:11, NIV).
 
 
 
            I once was an actor in a Passion play.  Through all of the rehearsals, I came to know the other actors quite well.  The lead actor who played the part of Jesus was an affable positive guy and did a wonderful job.  By his own admission, playing the part of Jesus changed his life.  A few of the events moved him deeply and caused him to feel great emotion.  Two events in particular caused him to see Jesus in a whole new light.  When we rehearsed Jesus being tried by Pontius Pilate in front of the crowd, all of us actors stood around him and shouted at the top of our lungs, “Crucify him! Crucify him!”  It is one thing to think about it happening to Jesus, and it is quite another thing to have it happen to you, even as an actor.  We actually had to take a long break after doing that scene because the man playing Jesus was reduced to tears.  He was so deeply disturbed that he could not keep going.
 
            The other event which brought great emotion to the man playing Jesus was being on the cross.  When we rehearsed this event, again we stood around and jeered at him.  With this scene, the actor told me afterward that it was all he could do to say the words:  “Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing.”  Instead, he really wanted to yell back at them in anger, to let them know that they were going to get in trouble with God after he resurrects from the dead!  Revenge is far more natural and easier than forgiveness.  Yet, Jesus taught us to forgive, and he modeled it for us.
 
            As a pastor, I am really in the forgiveness business.  I teach it, preach it, and try to live it because I am convinced that grace is at the heart of Christianity and is the best way to live.  I have seen first-hand the life-giving benefits of forgiveness; and, I have seen the tragic consequences of an unforgiving spirit and a bitter heart.  There was once an older woman in one of the church’s I served who had grown up in a difficult family situation.  When she married and had children of her own, her bitterness continually came out on her husband and kids to the point where, when the kids grew up, they left home, had families of their own, and really did not want much to do with their Mom.  She did not ever do anything terrible or horrible, like physically beating them.  She just was so unhappy and so unforgiving all of the time that she was hard and cranky.  The result was that no one wanted to be around her, not even her own kids and grandchildren.
 
            But then through becoming part of a congregation that was alive and full of grace, she discovered how awful she had been to be around all of her life.  This woman simply had no idea how miserable she made the people in her life.  So, she asked God to forgive her for her unkindness to others.  She asked each of her four children to forgive her.  She then forgave herself because the guilt over a lost life of bitterness washed over her.  And her life completely changed.  She became happy, sought to encourage others, and basked in the grace given her in Jesus.  She began to enjoy the contentment that came with forgiveness and the relational happiness it brought.
 
            If people want to be content in this life, they must obey Christ’s command to practice forgiveness.  But many people live with discontentment because they think to themselves:  “I will not forget what you did, and I will not forgive.”  Persistent thoughts of revenge only serve as a cancer which destroys the mind’s thoughts, erodes the soul, and hinders the heart’s ability to love.  But people who practice forgiveness are much less likely to be hateful, hostile, and belligerent toward others.  They are healthier and happier, and more at peace.
 

 

            If churches want to be places of health and happiness, of peace, love, and joy in the Holy Spirit, then the members within those churches must continually practice forgiveness.  Sometimes we can be completely oblivious to the reality that our own corporate unhappiness actually pushes people away.  But when we awaken to our own sin and misery and deal with it, then the grace that comes in has the ability to alter our relationships forever.  Whom do you need to forgive today?

Jeremiah 50:17-20

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year CLeave a comment
            Failure is not permanent.  The prophet Jeremiah had a message for Judah that excoriated their sin and wayward lives.  Most did not listen to Jeremiah.  As a result, the Babylonians came and destroyed Jerusalem’s wall and the temple, and took thousands into captivity.  But that was not the end of the story.  There would be a remnant of people who would survive.  The people in exile would return to the land.  When that time comes, “iniquity shall be sought in Israel, and there shall be none, and sin in Judah, and none shall be found, for I will pardon those who I leave as a remnant.”
 
            When God forgives, it is a clean slate.  The Lord does not hold people’s sins over their heads to use as leverage at some later point.  A pardon from God means that he takes his divine permanent marker and completely blots out the offense; it is gone.  The good news of the Holy Scriptures is that there is grace for the sinner. 
 
            One of the reasons we humans have such a difficult time forgiving others is because we do not really comprehend the forgiveness of God to us.  But when we discern and understand that God’s pardon means that he gives new life and a fresh start then we have confident hope for the future.  It causes us to forgive others as God has forgiven us.  This happens because we are in a place of spiritual stability and eternal security in Jesus Christ.  It is the secure, not the insecure, who know God’s grace and inherit the kingdom.
 

 

            Forgiving God, you extend your grace to me despite my past actions, attitudes, and words.  Thank you for this undeserved gift of new life.  Enable me to use this gift with great care so that Jesus is glorified.  Amen.