Tag: forgiveness

How to Forgive

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Exploring Church Ministry BlogLeave a comment
Peter came up to the Lord and asked, “How many times should I forgive someone who does something wrong to me?  Is seven times enough?”  Jesus answered:  “Not just seven times, but seventy-seven times!”
 
 
 
If people want to be content in this life, they must obey Christ’s command to practice forgiveness.  But many people live with discontentment because they think to themselves:  “I will not forget what you did, and I will not forgive.”  Persistent thoughts of revenge only serve as a cancer which destroys the mind’s thoughts, erodes the soul, and hinders the heart’s ability to love.  But people who practice forgiveness are much less likely to be hateful, hostile, and belligerent toward others.  They are healthier and happier, and more at peace.
 
            I have had people tell me, “But you don’t know what I’ve been through.”  My typical response is:  “You don’t know what I have been through, either.  You may not even believe some of the things I have experienced, and some of the things that have happened to me and were said to me.  So, can I tell you what I have done to forgive those who have sinned against me?”
 
  1. When I am trying to forgive someone, I pray for them.
            It is hard to keep resenting someone and wish them ill will when you are praying for them on a regular basis.  In the book of Genesis, Joseph was the victim of his brothers’ abuse.  If there was ever a dysfunctional family to grow up in, it was Joseph’s.  Being sold into slavery by your own brothers and being the target of their derision would cause anyone to be upset.  But, many years later, Joseph chose to forgive his brothers.  He acted with their best interests at mind.  He prayed for them, and did not actively work against them.  What is more, he eventually came to see the hand of God in it all.  Joseph said to his brothers, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives” (Genesis 50:20).
 
  1. I write a letter of forgiveness (which I may or may not send).
            In the letter I detail how the person hurt me.  I leave nothing out.  And I express exactly how it made me feel, and how it affected my life.  Then, I express forgiveness and say that I will not hold the offense over their head.  Here is a five-step process for forgiving others using the acrostic REACH which helps shape how I write:
 
Recall.  That is, name the hurt.  Name it squarely.  Do not fudge on it by saying it is not that bad, or as bad as others might have experienced.  Call it what it is, whatever it is:  deceit; stealing; assault or abuse; adultery; or, verbal shaming; even, murder.  The Truth and Reconciliation Commission of South Africa after apartheid was based on providing full disclosure of all crimes.  Those that stepped forward to do so would be offered a full pardon.  Desmond Tutu, who led the commission, was most struck by how many people wanted to hear what had happened to their loved ones from the perpetrators themselves so that they could know whom to forgive.  Methinks we have much learn from our African brothers and sisters.
 
Empathize.  Try and see the offense from the other person’s perspective and attempt to put oneself in the other’s shoes.  This does not mean we paper over the offense; it just means we don’t demonize another as a monster.  That only feeds and fuels our own lack of forgiveness.  When we view others as non-human, then we feel no responsibility to forgive.
 
Altruistic.  Choose to do the right thing and treat the other person well, not because they deserve it, but because it is within your control to extend grace.  Again, this is what Joseph chose to do with his brothers:  “So then, don’t be afraid.  I will provide for you and your children.”  And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them (Genesis 50:21).
 
Commit.  Commit to practice forgiveness.  Make a decision to do it.  Do not wait too long for your feelings to catch up to you.  “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13).
 
Hold.  Hold on to your forgiveness.  Just because you make the decision to forgive does not mean you will never have to do it again.  Once you have forgiven, let it be a stake in the ground in which you can look back to it again and again.  “I forgave him/her, and I will not let the enemy of my soul keep trying to make me bitter about it all over again.”  One of the reasons we repeat the Lord’s Prayer Sunday after Sunday in my church is in order to forgive those who have sinned against us.
 
  1. I talk to a trusted friend, mentor, or counselor about my effort to forgive.
            Many people get stuck in discontentment and an inability to forgive because they do not seek a wise person to help them walk through the process of forgiving.  The easy path is to complain about the offense to someone we know will react with the same level of disgust and spirit of revenge that we ourselves have in our hearts.  But that only reinforces bitterness.  We need someone who can offer us what we need to hear, and not what we want to hear.
 

 

            Forgiveness is at the heart of the gospel, and, so, ought to be at the core of healthy church life.  Let forgiveness shape your life and ministry, and not a bitter unforgiving spirit so that Jesus is glorified in the power of the Holy Spirit.  Amen.

Practicing Forgiveness

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Exploring Church Ministry BlogLeave a comment
Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us (Luke 4:11, NIV).
 
 
 
            I once was an actor in a Passion play.  Through all of the rehearsals, I came to know the other actors quite well.  The lead actor who played the part of Jesus was an affable positive guy and did a wonderful job.  By his own admission, playing the part of Jesus changed his life.  A few of the events moved him deeply and caused him to feel great emotion.  Two events in particular caused him to see Jesus in a whole new light.  When we rehearsed Jesus being tried by Pontius Pilate in front of the crowd, all of us actors stood around him and shouted at the top of our lungs, “Crucify him! Crucify him!”  It is one thing to think about it happening to Jesus, and it is quite another thing to have it happen to you, even as an actor.  We actually had to take a long break after doing that scene because the man playing Jesus was reduced to tears.  He was so deeply disturbed that he could not keep going.
 
            The other event which brought great emotion to the man playing Jesus was being on the cross.  When we rehearsed this event, again we stood around and jeered at him.  With this scene, the actor told me afterward that it was all he could do to say the words:  “Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing.”  Instead, he really wanted to yell back at them in anger, to let them know that they were going to get in trouble with God after he resurrects from the dead!  Revenge is far more natural and easier than forgiveness.  Yet, Jesus taught us to forgive, and he modeled it for us.
 
            As a pastor, I am really in the forgiveness business.  I teach it, preach it, and try to live it because I am convinced that grace is at the heart of Christianity and is the best way to live.  I have seen first-hand the life-giving benefits of forgiveness; and, I have seen the tragic consequences of an unforgiving spirit and a bitter heart.  There was once an older woman in one of the church’s I served who had grown up in a difficult family situation.  When she married and had children of her own, her bitterness continually came out on her husband and kids to the point where, when the kids grew up, they left home, had families of their own, and really did not want much to do with their Mom.  She did not ever do anything terrible or horrible, like physically beating them.  She just was so unhappy and so unforgiving all of the time that she was hard and cranky.  The result was that no one wanted to be around her, not even her own kids and grandchildren.
 
            But then through becoming part of a congregation that was alive and full of grace, she discovered how awful she had been to be around all of her life.  This woman simply had no idea how miserable she made the people in her life.  So, she asked God to forgive her for her unkindness to others.  She asked each of her four children to forgive her.  She then forgave herself because the guilt over a lost life of bitterness washed over her.  And her life completely changed.  She became happy, sought to encourage others, and basked in the grace given her in Jesus.  She began to enjoy the contentment that came with forgiveness and the relational happiness it brought.
 
            If people want to be content in this life, they must obey Christ’s command to practice forgiveness.  But many people live with discontentment because they think to themselves:  “I will not forget what you did, and I will not forgive.”  Persistent thoughts of revenge only serve as a cancer which destroys the mind’s thoughts, erodes the soul, and hinders the heart’s ability to love.  But people who practice forgiveness are much less likely to be hateful, hostile, and belligerent toward others.  They are healthier and happier, and more at peace.
 

 

            If churches want to be places of health and happiness, of peace, love, and joy in the Holy Spirit, then the members within those churches must continually practice forgiveness.  Sometimes we can be completely oblivious to the reality that our own corporate unhappiness actually pushes people away.  But when we awaken to our own sin and misery and deal with it, then the grace that comes in has the ability to alter our relationships forever.  Whom do you need to forgive today?

Jeremiah 50:17-20

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year CLeave a comment
            Failure is not permanent.  The prophet Jeremiah had a message for Judah that excoriated their sin and wayward lives.  Most did not listen to Jeremiah.  As a result, the Babylonians came and destroyed Jerusalem’s wall and the temple, and took thousands into captivity.  But that was not the end of the story.  There would be a remnant of people who would survive.  The people in exile would return to the land.  When that time comes, “iniquity shall be sought in Israel, and there shall be none, and sin in Judah, and none shall be found, for I will pardon those who I leave as a remnant.”
 
            When God forgives, it is a clean slate.  The Lord does not hold people’s sins over their heads to use as leverage at some later point.  A pardon from God means that he takes his divine permanent marker and completely blots out the offense; it is gone.  The good news of the Holy Scriptures is that there is grace for the sinner. 
 
            One of the reasons we humans have such a difficult time forgiving others is because we do not really comprehend the forgiveness of God to us.  But when we discern and understand that God’s pardon means that he gives new life and a fresh start then we have confident hope for the future.  It causes us to forgive others as God has forgiven us.  This happens because we are in a place of spiritual stability and eternal security in Jesus Christ.  It is the secure, not the insecure, who know God’s grace and inherit the kingdom.
 

 

            Forgiving God, you extend your grace to me despite my past actions, attitudes, and words.  Thank you for this undeserved gift of new life.  Enable me to use this gift with great care so that Jesus is glorified.  Amen.

Forgiveness Is Real

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Exploring Church Ministry BlogLeave a comment
 
 
When my girls were small and growing up in West Michigan, they always enjoyed going to Meijer, which is a something like a Super Wal-Mart and a Super-Target combined.  At Meijer they have a row of mechanical horses that only cost a penny to ride.  Riding the horses was always the highlight of shopping for them.  On one occasion their aunt came for a visit and brought a coffee can full of pennies and took them to Meijer just to ride the horses for an afternoon.  All three of my girls are now grown adult women.  They do not ride mechanical horses anymore.  They now ride real live horses.  As excited as they were to ride mechanical horses, my daughters now have no desire to do so because those horses were only a simulation of the real thing.
 
            As Christians, since Christ has come as the true and real sacrifice for sin, we are no longer to be content with simulations and copies of the real deal.  And we are to know the difference between them.  Our forgiveness is not a simulation, not a copy or a shadow, but is real because Christ is the real thing (Hebrews 9:24-28). 
 
            When my wife and I were raising those three very active and precocious girls, we had a certain process we would go through with them when they did something wrong toward one another.  We would talk about the offense, and then they would need to say the words, “I am sorry.”  But the matter was never over until they hugged each other and told each other they loved the other.  If they could do that, it was the real deal.  You see, they could mouth the words to get us off their backs, but to hug and express love was the reality.
 
            Jesus did not just mouth words to us of forgiveness.  He secured it through his death on a cross.  It is not a cheap forgiveness.  It is real.  Christ died a very violent death.  This whole emphasis in Scripture on blood and sacrifice can be upsetting for many people.  But we need to understand that our sin and disobedience is really terrible.  Christ’s death reflects the horrible sin of humanity.  Since Jesus has secured forgiveness for us at such a steep price, we are to receive it with much humility and a great deal of joy that God would love us so much.
 
            Jesus Christ came to deal with the sin issue once for all through his blood.  He came to do away with sin, not just veneer over it.  The old sacrificial system was like whitewashing a barn – it took care of the issue for a while, but it would need to be done over and over again.  Jesus is no temporary arrangement.  The forgiveness he offers is permanent.  There is no need to keep offering sacrifices over and over because Christ is the sacrifice to end all sacrifices.  The forgiveness we possess is not like paying an annual fee and getting a forgiveness sticker for the year.  In Jesus Christ, we are forgiven!  And this forgiveness was purchased with Christ’s own blood.
 
I truly believe that what this old world needs more than anything else is forgiveness – not a cheap sentimental forgiving, but a real forgiveness that is so costly that it lasts forever and ever.  A lot of religious energy can be spent trying to figure out how to make ourselves acceptable to God.  But in Christ we do not need to fear the future.  We have been made right with God through the death of Jesus.  Through Christ’s sacrifice the doors to heaven and earth get flung wide open.  The way has been secured, the trail has been blazed, and the road has been made smooth in order to come to God.
 

 

Jesus did not die on the cross and rise from the dead so that we could live ho-hum Christian lives.  He has granted us forgiveness so that we will eagerly eat the Word of God and sit right up front to hear the preacher serve the meal.  Jesus sacrificed himself so that we would enjoy laboring together in the gospel, looking forward to how the Spirit will transform lives through his forgiveness.  The price has been paid for a real forgiveness which opens our minds and our energies to live for Jesus, the pioneer of our faith.