Tag: emotional support

Spiritual Support (Ezekiel 29:3-7)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year ALeave a comment

Speak and say, The Lord God proclaims:

I’m against you, Pharaoh, Egypt’s king,
    great crocodile lurking
    in the Nile’s canals,
        who says, “The Nile is all mine;
        I made it for myself!”
I will set hooks in your jaws;
    I will make the fish from the Nile’s canals cling to your scales.
I will drag you out of the Nile’s canals,
    and also all the fish from the Nile’s canals
    clinging to your scales.
        I will fling you out into the desert,
        and also all the fish from the Nile’s canals.
You will fall on the open ground,
    and won’t be gathered or retrieved.

I’ve given you to the beasts of the earth
        and the birds in the sky for food.
Everyone living in Egypt will know that I am the Lord.

Because they were a flimsy crutch for the house of Israel—when they took you in hand, you would splinter and make their shoulders sore; when they leaned on you, you would break, bringing them to their knees. (Common English Bible)

“Relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing yet had been done.”

C.S. Lewis

From where, and to whom, do we look to for support?

The Pharaoh of Egypt could open his mouth as wide as a crocodile, but he had no real strength – only talk and no bite – and talk is cheap, especially in the face of a sovereign God.

The Lord had little tolerance for Pharaoh’s bombast, so God decided to don the divine crocodile hunter hat and pull the old creature out of the Nile River.

The reeds that grow along the Nile in Egypt look something like bamboo. They appear as if they might make a decent staff or crutch, but the reeds are not good for that, and if used so, would shatter and put some significant splinters into your hand.

God was warning the Israelites against sizing up Egypt as a significant means of support, and then putting weight on them for help. The leadership of Jerusalem was trusting in Pharaoh and his Egyptian troops to rescue them from the Babylonian army.

But, as we know from history, the Babylonians soundly defeated the Egyptian soldiers. Pharaoh was no support, at all, and became a shattered crutch to Judah, just as God had warned.

We need to be careful about choosing our sources of support. There are a lot of unreliable means of help out there, that people turn to in life.

When going through tough times, we may believe that popularity and power, or alcohol and drugs, or wealth and position will help support us and get us through the hard situation. Yet, they all prove too weak and inadequate in the end.

God is able to carry a person through a crisis, so that we do not just survive it, but grow and thrive through it. We must continually be vigilant and wise to resist the temptation toward the shiny things in life which may draw us to depend upon unreliable things and people. We need God working through God’s people to help support us in a time of need.

Our help is in the name of the Lord,
    who made heaven and earth. (Psalm 124:8, NRSV)

One of the great Christian theologians of the twentieth century, the Protestant Swiss professor Karl Barth, believed that we are not fully human and fully supporting one another apart from:

  • mutual seeing and being seen
  • reciprocal speaking and listening
  • granting one another mutual assistance
  • doing everything with gratitude and gratefulness

Barth used the German term Mitmenschlichkeit (co-humanity) to communicate that we are human and supported with a trusted other person alongside us. In other words, human flourishing requires mutual giving and receiving. Only in relation to each other, including those in need, do we thrive as people.

Christianity is a dependence upon God and an inter-dependence on one another; it’s not an isolated independent venture. Adversity, hardship, and difficulty can become a symbiotic relationship between the care-seeker and the caregiver, within the foundation of Trinitarian love, expressed with grace and hope given by Jesus in the power of the Holy Spirit.

So, when we talk about spiritual support of another, it includes the following alliterated points:

  • Struggle. Enter another’s spiritual and emotional wrestling along with them, without succumbing to the impetus to change or fix, but to empathize, affirm, and validate emotions and experiences.
  • Share. Seek to be emotionally available and aware – to be present in another’s pain and wonderment, understanding that a person cannot go any deeper with me than I have gone with myself.
  • Story. Listen to the story that a person weaves about their own situation, background, family, support, religious milieu, as well as their personal spiritual and emotional world.
  • Salvation. Allow and give permission to the person to name and resolve their own struggle; because I am neither the Savior nor in the saving business, as if deliverance and freedom depended upon me.

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me.”

Jesus to his disciples (John 14:1, NRSV)

Trust of another must be given carefully and wisely, not flippantly or thoughtlessly. And becoming a trusting person involves not only a willingness to do so, but also the presence to listen, the place to care, and the passion and commitment to do what is helpful, not hurtful.

Blessed God of support and strength, you have given me the shield of your salvation, and your right hand has supported me. Your divine help has gotten me through, and given me a wide place for my steps under me, so that my fee do not slip.

Gracious God, you have given me an example through the Lord Jesus that we must support the weak, remembering his words, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” May it be so, in the strength given by the Holy Spirit, to your glory and honor. Amen.

Faith, Hope, and Love (Acts 27:13-38)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year ALeave a comment

When a gentle south wind began to blow, they saw their opportunity; so they weighed anchor and sailed along the shore of Crete. Before very long, a wind of hurricane force, called the Northeaster, swept down from the island. The ship was caught by the storm and could not head into the wind; so we gave way to it and were driven along. 

As we passed to the lee of a small island called Cauda, we were hardly able to make the lifeboat secure, so the men hoisted it aboard. Then they passed ropes under the ship itself to hold it together. Because they were afraid they would run aground on the sandbars of Syrtis, they lowered the sea anchor and let the ship be driven along. 

We took such a violent battering from the storm that the next day they began to throw the cargo overboard. On the third day, they threw the ship’s tackle overboard with their own hands. When neither sun nor stars appeared for many days and the storm continued raging, we finally gave up all hope of being saved.

After they had gone a long time without food, Paul stood up before them and said: “Men, you should have taken my advice not to sail from Crete; then you would have spared yourselves this damage and loss. But now I urge you to keep up your courage, because not one of you will be lost; only the ship will be destroyed. Last night an angel of the God to whom I belong and whom I serve stood beside me and said, ‘Do not be afraid, Paul. You must stand trial before Caesar; and God has graciously given you the lives of all who sail with you.’ So keep up your courage, men, for I have faith in God that it will happen just as he told me. Nevertheless, we must run aground on some island.”

On the fourteenth night we were still being driven across the Adriatic Sea, when about midnight the sailors sensed they were approaching land. They took soundings and found that the water was a hundred and twenty feet deep. A short time later they took soundings again and found it was ninety feet deep. 

Fearing that we would be dashed against the rocks, they dropped four anchors from the stern and prayed for daylight. In an attempt to escape from the ship, the sailors let the lifeboat down into the sea, pretending they were going to lower some anchors from the bow. Then Paul said to the centurion and the soldiers, “Unless these men stay with the ship, you cannot be saved.” So the soldiers cut the ropes that held the lifeboat and let it drift away.

Just before dawn Paul urged them all to eat. “For the last fourteen days,” he said, “you have been in constant suspense and have gone without food—you haven’t eaten anything. Now I urge you to take some food. You need it to survive. Not one of you will lose a single hair from his head.” After he said this, he took some bread and gave thanks to God in front of them all. Then he broke it and began to eat. They were all encouraged and ate some food themselves. Altogether there were 276 of us on board. When they had eaten as much as they wanted, they lightened the ship by throwing the grain into the sea. (New International Version)

An engraving of the Roman prison ship, by Henry Adlard (1799-1893)

Keeping your courage in the face of an intense stressor is more than challenging. Yet, the Apostle Paul did it. Not only that, but he also had the wherewithal to help keep up the spirits of the people around him – even though he was on a prison ship in the middle of storm.

How did Paul do it? How did he remain encouraged himself, while also encouraging others? What’s the answer? Three words which are essential to the Christian life: faith, hope, and love.

Every believer knows from experience how difficult it is to practice these in daily life, especially the crucible of multiple stressors. One reason it’s so doggone hard, even when we want to please the Lord, is due to the confusion between our inner feelings and our outer actions. Yet once we understand the incongruence, and how to evaluate our inner experience, then it’s a whole lot easier to make daily decisions of faith, hope, and love.

In the beginning God created humans in the divine image. Humanity’s relationship to God was central to daily life (Genesis 1:26; 2:16-25). And God created people with the capacity to interact with the divine through our ability to think and reason. (Ephesians 4:24; Colossians 3:10)

Before there were broken relationships between Creator and creature, our original ancestors had complete self-control, along with unity and harmony between one another and God. (Genesis 1:31; 2:7, 16-25). 

It’s vital for us to recognize the distinction between human being and human doing; there’s a difference in who we are and what we do. (Romans 1:21-32; 6:16-22; 1 Corinthians 9:27; Ephesians 4:21-32)

And if we fail to grasp this distinction, we’re going to have some big stress in living as Christians.

In Adam and Eve’s disobedience toward God, humanity took on its own authority, and started making decisions independent of God. In other words, the source of authority switched, and we began relying upon ourselves.

The problem with this is that our brokenness has left us in disparate parts, badly in need of integration. The fall of humanity compromised our integrity, and so, we have a messed up sense of what to do, how to feel, and how and what to think.

This is why rational people do irrational things, and why fear, stress, and anxiety rule so much of our lives. Many a church pastor, not understanding this dynamic, is forever frustrated and flabbergasted that parishioners do not simply take what has been taught them, and go do it. (If it were that simple there would be no place for the Holy Spirit!)

There’s more. In our fallen state, we lost control of our capacity to function well – and are now vulnerable to manipulation from others, and from Satan. (Ephesians 2:2-3; Galatians 5:16-21)

As a result, our inner conscience has become confused. We are not always certain of right and wrong, or what needs to happen whenever we’re distressed. We end up misunderstanding what life is really supposed to be about. We’re disconnected from our original source of faith, hope, and love.

However, the good news of Christianity is that through the redeeming work of Jesus, and a new birth, the bondage of shame and disconnection is reinstated. God once again becomes central to daily life. The Lord’s gracious authority is restored.

In this renewed relationship, we can again receive truth through the Holy Spirit and the Holy Scriptures. Our daily practical experience of this relationship brings freedom, joy, assurance, peace, and self-control. Yet, even though one is redeemed by Jesus Christ and believes in him, it is still possible to regress into conflict, doubt, fear, anxiety, frustration, disappointment, and confusion. (Romans 7:14-25; 1 Corinthians 3:1-4)

We must, therefore, make daily decisions of faith, hope, and love based in our identity as God’s image-bearers:

  • Recognize you have the ability to function in faith, hope, and love as God’s beloved child.(2 Corinthians 7:1; Romans 8:14-17)
  • Understand the difference between your being and doing. Evil thoughts and emotions do not make you evil. What you do with your feelings and thoughts is what’s vital. (See how Jesus handled this in Matthew 4:1-11).
  • Know that you can take charge of your thoughts, feelings, and actions. (Galatians 5:22-23)
  • Know also that you can reject whatever is harmful and out of sync with your basic identity. (Ephesians 4:22; Colossians 3:5-9; Titus 2:11-12)
  • Respond to God and God’s Word by daily obedience. Learn to think and act on the basis of truth. (Acts 27:25)
  • Discern that practicing the truth will result in freedom, and a re-patterning of thinking and functioning. (John 8:32; Titus 2:11-14; Philippians 2:12-16)

Supportive communities help one another live into shared values and commitments. Faith, hope, and love exists and grows in the context of community.

Paul had faith by believing what he heard; hope by looking ahead to the end of God’s promise; and love by reaching out to his fellow prisoners and the ship’s crew. Whereas stress moved to distress for most on the ship, Paul found strength, within that same stress, by practicing faith, hope, and love.

Almighty God, give us true faith, and make that faith grow in us day by day. Also give us hope and love, so that we may serve our neighbors according to your will; through your Son, Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. Amen.

Crisis and Care (1 Kings 19:1-8)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year A1 Comment
Prophet Elijah by Mykhailo Boychuk, 1913

Now Ahab told Jezebel everything Elijah had done and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword. So Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah to say, “May the gods deal with me, be it ever so severely, if by this time tomorrow I do not make your life like that of one of them.”

Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep.

All at once an angel touched him and said, “Get up and eat.” He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.

The angel of the Lord came back a second time and touched him and said, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.” So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God. (New International Version)

In a typical week, I see a variety of people. Here are just a few persons I’ve encountered recently:

  • A man who went for a routine doctor’s visit and was examined, then rushed to the hospital where he had his left leg amputated.
  • A woman who witnessed her son attempt to kill his wife by stabbing her multiple times.
  • A pastor’s spouse who is overwhelmed with the depth of human need and emotional trauma she sees every Sunday in her urban congregation.
  • A man who is bitter, refusing any sort of spiritual care or assistance at the end of his life.
  • A family who watches on, while their beloved mother and grandmother is slowly slipping into eternity.
  • A pregnant mother who is on total bed rest, downright frightened by not knowing what will happen, and if her baby will live or die.

We live in a fundamentally broken world. Everything is askew and awry, with people feeling the brunt of the things which are neither right, nor fair. The examples I highlighted are all, like the prophet Elijah of old, good people who have found themselves in the crosshairs of circumstances beyond their control. 

Their situations left them feeling a range of emotions: abject horror, terrible sorrow and sadness, shocking denial, sheer panic, and crippling shame. The sense of confusion, fragility, and powerlessness are palpable.

So, what in God’s name do we do when we are faced with trauma, either in ourselves or in people we care about? How do we keep going when it seems as if it takes far too much energy just to be myself and do the things I need to do?

A crisis or trauma turns our world upside-down. Things will never be the same again. Yet, it’s a unique opportunity for healing and growth. Whether you care for someone, or need care yourself, there are three questions that have arisen for me as I have gone through my own crises and talk with folks facing traumatic experiences.

Who are you?

It’s only human to question who we are whenever a crisis situation hits. Who is a man if he doesn’t have a literal leg to stand on? Who is a mother when her son commits an atrocity? Who is the pastor’s wife when she seems unable to meet needs? Who is the bitter man when his expectations are not met? Who is the family when their matriarch is gone? Who is a woman if she doesn’t have a child?

It’s not a simple question. And it can’t be quickly answered. Trauma throws doubt on who we thought we were before the crisis. It can expose the shadowy parts of our lives we didn’t know were there, or bring light to the reality that our lives were built on things which don’t last.

Suppose you are a caregiver, trying to offer help. If your goal is to make the person feel better, you’ll quickly find out that you are not God. You cannot fix people’s pain. Who are you if you can’t repair broken people and solve their problems? 

What do I do?

If you’re a caregiver, you take action – not by changing feelings – but through attending to the basic needs of the one in trauma. A crisis situation isn’t the time to explore emotions; it’s the time to feel them. 

While a person is experiencing grief on a monumental scale, offering thoughtful assistance with decision-making, organizing the mundane things of life, and handling necessary details, can be a loving way of bringing care and concern.

In our Old Testament lesson for today, God, the ultimate caregiver, was attentive to Elijah’s immediate needs by ensuring that he was able to rest and be well-fed.

For those facing a crisis or dealing with trauma, your task is to grieve. Allow compassionate people to do things for you. There’s no need of offering an apologetic for your emotions, tears, and troubles. If you’re the kind of person that’s been there for others, let them now be there for you.

How can I move on?

We move on through hope. We continue the journey of life with the confident expectation that it can be good again, even though it might not look like it now.

“Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth; for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying,

“See, the home of God is among mortals.
He will dwell with them;
they will be his peoples,
and God himself will be with them;
he will wipe every tear from their eyes.
Death will be no more;
mourning and crying and pain will be no more,
for the first things have passed away.”

And the one who was seated on the throne said, “See, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this, for these words are trustworthy and true.” Then he said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give water as a gift from the spring of the water of life. Those who conquer will inherit these things, and I will be their God and they will be my children. (Revelation 21:1-7, NRSV)

Hope comes from a place of genuine care and not from the posture of trying to hurry yourself or another person along in their emotions because we are unsettled with such grinding grief.

Some people are uncomfortable with seeing their loved one or friend in a state of vulnerability. So they withdraw, or try and get them to short-circuit their grief and get over it sooner than they should. 

There is strength in weakness, and power in vulnerability. True love is a mystery. There are times when we must give up our analysis of events and people, and simply appreciate what is right in front of us. Letting go of control can open to us a whole new world of possibility, creativity, and hope.

Faith is the ability to look ahead and see hope on the horizon. When a community of people strengthen faith in one another through the spiritual means of listening, prayer, active compassion, thoughtful words, and healing presence, then that group of persons has discovered what it means to share the human condition and be a caring presence.