Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.
Give proper recognition to those widows who are really in need. But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God.
The widow who is really in need and left all alone puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help. But the widow who lives for pleasure is dead even while she lives. Give the people these instructions, so that no one may be open to blame. Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. (New International Version)
Timothy was the young Pastor of the Church in Ephesus, having been appointed by his mentor, the Apostle Paul. Paul wrote to his protégé in order to clarify and remind Timothy of how to go about his ministerial duties amongst the congregation.
In dealing with older persons, Paul instructed that they must not be dealt with harshly. There needs to be gentleness and moderation in correcting any faults with elders. Old folks already take quite enough medicine they don’t like. No one, especially some whipper-snapper, ought to come along and add some bitter medicine to their regimen.
Instead, provide exhortation which is tolerable, and evidences genuine concern and humility. Make it good medicine.
Timothy was not to allow the older folks to get away with being stinkers. And the way to handle this is by being respectful, considerate, and gentle.
Since the Body of Christ is a family, older men need to be treated as fathers, and older women as mothers. The younger women, too, must be corrected, when necessary. Although it is a delicate task, it needs to be engaged with the same care as the older men.
If Timothy thought about his ministry with people as dealing with his own mother, then he would do it with a great deal of love, humility, grace, and wisdom. Not only is the message to be conveyed; the spirit behind the message is just as important.
Younger women are to be treated as sisters; and young men as brothers. The way everyone is handled is significant. All persons, without exception, need love and attention.
The Apostle pointed out that there are certain groups of people which require special attention. Therefore, distressed widows need to be honored and treated with high regard.
A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,
is God in his holy dwelling. (Psalm 68:5, NIV)
Widows are identified in Scripture as those who are under the special care of God. So, how we treat them, is how we are treating God.
Any widow in the church who had no little to no support were to be provided for by the church. In the earliest church, this was important enough to warrant the creating of a new church ministry of deacons. (Acts 6:1-6)
Those widows who have children and/or grandchildren are to be first and foremost cared for by their family. Paul was unequivocable on this point. He insisted that a family with needy members, such as widows, are to put their religion into practice by ensuring that their mother or grandmother or aunt or any widow in the family is given what they need to live.
The Apostle’s directive to Timothy is that the church must not be unnecessarily burdened. Paul’s larger concern, however, was that adult children should honor their parents. That is their first religious duty as Christians. They ought to make a real and substantial effort toward mom and dad by providing for them in their old age, when they need it.
“It is easier for one poor father to bring up ten children, than it is for ten rich children to provide for one poor father.”
Dutch proverb
The provision for needy parents is to be done with a spirit of gratitude, love, and appreciation. I understand that this admonition gets rather dicey when it comes to adult children who were raised by a mother or father who was, at best, a stinker, and at worst, downright mean or abusive.
Yet, the wise Christian will learn to find ways toward returning a curse with a blessing, and so, honors both the parent and God. This in no way requires ignoring one’s own needs; it just means that we will strive to discover how to honor and provide for an aged mom or dad.
Having said that, there is a wide difference between the widow who puts her trust in God, and the widow who lives frivolously with no concern for God or others. The pious widow with no family must be cared for by the church. And the dissolute widow is not to be treated the same. The church, as well as the family, will need to be creative in how to approach such widows.
Each case within both the church and the family needs to be considered on its own merits. There is not necessarily a one-size-fits-all approach in every situation with a needy person. The following verses are helpful for us, as we consider how to assist:
Jesus said to his disciples,
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” (John 13:34, NIV)
“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.” (John 15:12, NIV)
And the Apostle Paul said to the Church in Galatia,
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2, NIV)
Whatever we do, or not do, we are not to neglect needy persons in our family or faith community. To reject or deny such persons is tantamount to rejecting one’s Christian faith.
Let us strive for both duty and delight in caring for the needy amongst us. Both are important. Sheer duty without delight is mere drudgery; it cannot be sustained. And only delight without any duty is irresponsible; it is also unsustainable.
May God’s provision and blessing be with you, as you strive to honor both your biological family, and your spiritual family. Amen.
Rev. Tim Ehrhardt 