Directives For the Married and Divorced (1 Corinthians 7:10-16)

To the married I give this command—not I but the Lord—that the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does separate, let her remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband) and that the husband should not divorce his wife.

To the rest I say—I and not the Lord—that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. And if any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce the husband. 

For the unbelieving husband is made holy through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy through the brother. Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so; in such a case the brother or sister is not bound. It is to peace that God has called us. Wife, for all you know, you might save your husband. Husband, for all you know, you might save your wife. (New Revised Standard Version)

Having specifically addressed questions about sex; and having directly talked to the Christians in Corinth who were single; the Apostle Paul then turned to the married persons in the church. He gave directions about their concerns of divorce and how to handle a spouse who does not share the believing spouse’s Christian beliefs.

Divorce

Divorce is one of those things that no one plans on happening when they are married; and yet, it happens. The Apostle was realistic about the situation. He upheld the sanctity of marriage, while recognizing that the ideal of two people remaining together and blessing one another doesn’t always happen.

I find it interesting, as well as gracious and understanding, that Paul neither condemns nor denounces the divorced person. He assumes that both spouses have responsibility, and both can take initiative as partners in a marriage.

A Christian married to an unbelieving partner, according to Paul, ought to remain married. As long as the non-believing spouse is willing to remain in such a marriage, then it should continue.

The Apostle’s rationale is that peace, not divorce, needs to be the controlling characteristic of both the marriage and of the Christian life.

“Mixed” Marriage

Furthermore, Paul believed that Christians are not defiled by pagan spouses. This is important when it comes to the children of a Christian and non-Christian marriage. The relationship is sanctified by the presence of both the believing spouse and the Holy Spirit.

In addition, the Apostle saw that the Christian spouse is in a special position for God to work through them to the unbelieving spouse. On this point, Paul is sanguine and optimistic. Instead of worrying about impurity for the Christian, he foresaw an opportunity for purity in the non-Christian.

The Apostle Paul’s realism reminds us that if we are looking for ultimate satisfaction through marriage (or singleness and celibacy) it will never be found.

That’s because, as Christians, contentment and peace comes through giving our lives to serve the Lord Jesus in love. To love another, and offer the gift of self-sacrificial service to them, is the ultimate path to the way of Christ.

In losing our lives, we find them; in being last, we are promoted to first.

Marriage is beautiful. Divorce is ugly. Sometimes, despite a believer’s greatest efforts at being peaceful and loving, a divorce occurs. It takes two to have a marriage. There are times when the believing person must let their spouse go, that is, if that spouse wants to go.

Although divorce can be ugly and sad, full of broken dreams, and littered with missed expectations, it doesn’t need to stay that way. The divorced person, becoming single, now has the opportunity to bring something beautiful out of the brokenness.

Kintsugi

“Kintsugi” is a Japanese term for the art of repairing broken objects. The word literally means to “join with gold.” This art form uses a particular lacquer to reattach broken pieces. Then the newly attached joints are decorated with gold (or silver) powder.

The working idea behind the art of kintsugi is to embrace the flaws and the imperfections. By doing so, the artist can create a beautiful piece of art, stronger than the original.

Applying this to relationships, people no longer have to simply live with the shame of a broken marriage. We can assign value to people who are divorced, and stop trying to hide the relational damage. Through intentional efforts on healing, the scars left behind can truly become a source of beauty – instead of permanent ugliness.

Ikigai

Another Japanese concept which can be relevant for us is “ikigai.” It refers to having a reason for living, a sense of purpose and meaning to life. The idea behind ikigai is to help people find what is truly important to them, and then to live a life full of joy and purpose. Notice the concept is based on that which is internal – fulfillment, satisfaction, joy, and meaning – instead of external factors such as money, fame, power, or position.

Jesus joyfully lived his life on this earth to serve others. He came not to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many (Mark 10:45). If marriage was the ideal for everyone in this world, I’m quite sure Jesus would have modeled that for us by getting married. But he didn’t.

Neither marriage, nor singleness, is what really counts. Faith, expressing itself through love, is what actually counts. (Galatians 5:6)

And when Jesus was broken, the result became the salvation of the world. By his wounds, we are healed. (Isaiah 53:5)

All of this demonstrates for us where and what we are to assign meaning. And just because things don’t work out like we want, and leaves us in a state of brokenness, our lives can be transformed into a beauty beyond what we could have imagined.

This is the strength and ability of Christianity. Methinks we ought to let it have its way in our lives.

Almighty and everlasting God, the One who makes us whole in our brokenness, calls us to deeper faith, and delivers us from all things that hinder our devotion to you: Hear our prayer, Lord, and break open all we hold back from you, so that we may see a vision of your helping and healing presence in our lives and in our world, through Jesus Christ, in the power of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

What Is It You Are Trying To Do? (Mark 10:2-16)

Jesus blesses the children

Some, testing him, asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of dismissal and to divorce her.” But Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote this commandment for you. But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

Then in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”

People were bringing children to him in order that he might touch them, and the disciples spoke sternly to them. But when Jesus saw this, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not stop them, for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs. Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it.” And he took them up in his arms, laid his hands on them, and blessed them. (New Revised Standard Version)

Trying To Parse the Law?

The topic of divorce has always been a hot button issue throughout human history. And there have continually been diverse views and opinions about it. This is also true of Holy Scripture. A variety of interpretations are offered by many about the Bible’s view of divorce, and Christ’s words concerning it.

Much like today, divorce in the first century was accepted as part of what happens in society, even among Jews, although it was more proliferate in other cultures. Most of the discussions about divorce centered in legal details, with some speaking against it as bad for society.

Among the Jewish religious leaders and experts in the law, it was generally recognized that divorce occurs, with Mosaic legislation proscribing how to carry out divorce (Deuteronomy 24:1-4). Yet, other scripture texts frame the existence of divorce as questionable for God’s people. (e.g. Genesis 2:24; Malachi 2:13-16)

Trying to Test Jesus?

Anyone who doesn’t like another, will often confront them on a hot button issue that has plenty of diverse opinion to it. This is why the Pharisees sought to get Christ’s take on the topic of divorce.

Essentially, Jesus reframed divorce so that it was no longer simply a legal topic, but involves real people. Christ talked about divorce in a way that upheld the dignity of persons, especially women; and lifted up the true sanctity of marriage.

In turning the discussion from a legalities to God’s design for humanity and marriage, Jesus cut to the heart of the matter, to God’s intent, and to human frailty. He focused on relationships, because they were inherent from the beginning.

Yes, divorce is a reality, and it is has its place in society. But no, it’s not supposed to be this way. The very word “divorce” means there is a separation, a breech, a disconnection of relationship. This is why Christ went to another topic: adultery.

Trying To Divorce Women?

Jesus said that a person initiating a divorce in order to marry another person commits adultery. In saying this, he was not offering a legal conversation of details. Rather, Christ was focusing on people; he was concerned for wives and women.

The conversation between Jesus and the Pharisees was a discussion between men, and presupposed a man’s point of view on divorce. Women did not have the ability to initiate divorce in the ancient society.

And Christ seems to have had no stomach for being drawn into abstract legal debates between a bunch of men. Instead, he cared about the people involved in an actual divorce, especially the women.

For all intents and purposes, women (and their sexuality) were the property of men – the father, and then later, the husband. In this social milieu, whenever a husband initiated a break in the relationship, it was important for a woman to have a certified document of divorce. Without that certification, a woman divorcee would be landlocked, unable to do much of anything, as well as be the brunt of societal gossip, slander, or worse.

Since Jesus was talking to the men, the Pharisees, he pointedly looked at them and let them know that, although they might initiate a divorce, it in no way justified their sneaking and creeping around. It didn’t cover their adulterous relationship(s) nor their adulterous hearts.

All this is to say that Christ very much opposed divorce on the grounds of putting a wife away out of a desire for a different spouse. He intended on empowering women. In a divorce situation, because a man was in control of the process, it was then the man who commits adultery against the woman.

Both logically and legally, a woman could never commit adultery because of divorce – only the man. What’s more, adultery is not primarily a violation of the law, but of the woman. Jesus believed it was high time for some accountability with the men.

Even though contemporary Western society is much different than the ancient social structure, Christ’s teaching is still relevant. The need to uphold not just the law, but the rights of women is a must for today, as well.

Unless we can observe Christ’s concern for women’s justice and rights, there will be men who continue to leverage their own gender over and against females and wives. And there will continue to be both husbands and wives who initiate divorce for their own adulterous motives, thus putting their spouse in moral, legal, emotional, and spiritual jeopardy.

Trying To Keep Children Away?

The overarching ethics of Jesus, and the law of God, is to provide justice and righteousness for the most vulnerable among us. And this is why the teaching about divorce is coupled with instruction about children.

In our contemporary society, children have rights and are accorded significant status. That was not true in the ancient world. Children were mostly viewed as potential adults. Until then, kids were to stay quiet unless spoken to, and to obey their parents with absolutely no talk-back.

Christ’s disciples did what any student following their teacher would do; they kept the kids at bay so that Jesus could do his important ministry work. But what the disciples discovered is that the kids were actually part of that important ministry work. As children, they were vulnerable, at the low end of the social scale, and had no personal rights other than being part of a family.

To become like a little child in order to enter the kingdom of God did not mean becoming innocent; it meant becoming humble and dependent, and embracing meekness, gentleness, and lowliness. It meant to become the last and the least among us. Because the last will be first, and the least will become great.

Trying To Get It Right?

It’s important for us to uphold the sanctity of human life, and the spirit of the law. The law is intended to preserve and protect life – and is not to be used to find loopholes or ways to get what you want.

Meeting the needs of all people – whether they be men, women, children, and whether they be rich or poor – is to be everyone’s concern. Why? Because justice and righteousness are at the heart of God’s concern for humanity.

Merciful God, who discerns each heart: We confess our family is most often like strangers to us. So, give to all parents and children the grace to see one another as they truly are, and as you have called them to be. In the name of Jesus Christ, our mediator and advocate, we pray. Amen.

You Live For Whatever You Love (Luke 16:14-18)

The Pharisees, who loved money, heard all this and were sneering at Jesus. He said to them, “You are the ones who justify yourselves in the eyes of others, but God knows your hearts. What people value highly is detestable in God’s sight.

“The Law and the Prophets were proclaimed until John. Since that time, the good news of the kingdom of God is being preached, and everyone is forcing their way into it. It is easier for heaven and earth to disappear than for the least stroke of a pen to drop out of the Law.

“Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. (New International Version)

No one can serve two masters. Everyone is committed to something, based upon who or what they are truly serving. Everybody has a master which informs them of ultimate values in life.

In other words, we live for what or whom we love.

Money

The Gospel writer Luke flatly and unequivocally mentioned the Pharisees as loving money. They lived for it. Money was their ultimate value.

With money as master, God is not.

If one’s thoughts, desires, and motives are fueled by Master Money, then that person can say they love and serve God, but they would be lying through their teeth.

If one’s activities are dominated by investments, buying and selling, and conversations with financial planners, then it isn’t God to whom they are praying; Mammon is their God.

The servants of Master Money may attempt to justify themselves, and rationalize their service to Mammon. They might talk about how much they give to charitable organizations, support their local church with monetary gifts, and underwrite a community building project. Yet, the real muster of benevolence is to whom all the money is truly being directed.

Money itself is not the problem; it’s the love of money that’s the issue (1 Timothy 6:10). Such a love of money had taken root into the Pharisee’s heart. They were offended by the words of Jesus, who exposed their true master.

Kingdom

The religious leaders claimed to be all about the Mosaic Law – which is why Jesus addressed this. In Christ’s view, the law and the prophets were until John the Baptist. John’s ministry caused a kerfuffle, because he was the forerunner of Messiah. He pointed to Jesus as the hoped for Savior.

The kingdom of God was at hand. But the religious establishment was too rooted in money as their ultimate deliverer.

Jesus is the Son over God’s house, and the Ruler of God’s empire. Christ is the kingdom. Since the time of John, the kingdom of God has been proclaimed, and everyone is pressing into it.

Multitudes of people flocked and followed Jesus in his earthly ministry. They listened to him talk of God’s kingdom being near. They seized hold of it, striving and pressing to get in.

There were folks who dropped everything, gave up everything, and forsook everything, just to pursue the kingdom of God. Their press toward the kingdom was a reflection of their values. And money had nothing to do with it.

Those who are Christians, in name only, may know something of Jesus and might talk a good line of theology, but they are far from the kingdom of God. They talk, but they don’t press. Someone who presses cries out with the psalmist:

How lovely is your dwelling place,
    Lord Almighty!
My soul yearns, even faints,
    for the courts of the Lord;
my heart and my flesh cry out
    for the living God. (Psalm 84:1-2, NIV)

Someone who presses is ready and willing to do some heavy spiritual lifting. They’ll put in the time and the effort toward the kingdom of God. It’s Jesus they think about, not money.

Law

Believers and followers of Jesus are concerned for what God cares about. And Jesus was concerned about Holy Scripture. He intended on keeping every jot and tittle of the Torah, the Law.

Although we have many differing interpretations of varying passages in the Bible, Jesus is still concerned for the fulfillment of all God’s good promises. Our own angst about upholding the Bible isn’t shared by Christ. Our arguments and divisions don’t sway Jesus into our anxiety.

Christ knows that every word of God shall not fail. It would be easier for the world to spontaneously blow up than for any one word of God to fall away unfulfilled. Money and stuff will pass away, but not God’s Word.

The basic moral and ethical will and law of God hasn’t gone anywhere. Just because the Ten Commandments are not posted publicly anywhere, doesn’t mean they have disappeared.

God’s holy law is like a mirror in front of us, showing us how we are to judge ourselves. The Apostle Paul likened the law to a schoolmaster that drives us to Christ (Galatians 3:24-27).

Furthermore, the law acts as a restraint to evil in the world. It has the value of revealing to us what is not pleasing to God. And if I am pressing into the kingdom of God, I want to know what God loves and hates.

The Pharisees were supposedly the experts in God’s law. Some folks are quite hard on the Pharisees. Yet, rather than bashing on them as a group of people, we need to let the law be our own mirror; we must be concerned with our own righteousness, or lack thereof.

It’s easy for us, along with the old Pharisees, to be legalists – adding principles and traditions to the law that are not the law itself. Holding to these traditions can become as important, or more, as the actual law. They can end up becoming the standard we judge everything by, instead of the actual law, as it is.

Divorce

The morass of traditions surrounding the law is what Jesus was referring to in speaking about divorce. Christ had no use for a husband who could divorce his wife for various incidents, including not being pretty anymore, breaking a dish, or burning the toast.

All of that rigmarole was why Jesus came back to affirming the sanctity of marriage. He pointed out that divorce under conditions of tradition, not law, were tantamount to adultery. Christ was thinking of women’s rights.

In a society in which women were dependent upon men for having their needs met, Jesus did not want women to experience injustice from men. In God’s economy, men are neither free to do whatever they want with women, nor with marriage. Their money needs to be used for wife and family, and not in cleverly contrived ways to get around the law.

We live for what we love. If someone loves money, it will not end well for them. If someone loves God and doing God’s will, then there is life and peace.

Let’s just make sure that we are truly doing God’s will, and not our own secret or unconscious intentions. Because no one can serve two masters.

Blessed God, help me to do Your revealed will fully, gladly, and immediately; and to love You with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. Enable us all to love our neighbors as ourselves; and to seek the good of people from everywhere. Save us from being unhappy Christians. Deliver us from the sinful habit of complaint. May we rejoice in You, be constant in prayer, and give thanks in all circumstances; through Jesus Christ our Lord, in the strength of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

On Divorce (Matthew 19:1-12)

When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan. Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.

Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”

“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

“Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”

Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”

Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.” (New International Version)

It’s interesting that the compilers of the Revised Common Lectionary chose this Gospel lesson the day after Valentine’s Day. Not sure I would do that, but here we are, so let’s deal with it….

I grew up in an era in which not many couples divorced. Frankly, that probably was a bad thing, because there was plenty of hanky-panky going on, and far too much domestic violence that didn’t get dealt with. Women, mostly, tended to put up with an awful lot from abusive men.

Today, of course, divorce is common. And that’s probably a bad thing, too. A whole lot of couples aren’t working through their communication issues – and that’s because many individual persons have done precious little in addressing their own background experiences of trauma and/or abuse.

In short, divorce is not the ideal – but it’s necessary. And Jesus understood this more than most people of his day. It isn’t supposed to be this way, all this interpersonal crud, heartache, and pain. Yet here we are, having to navigate broken relationships, busted marriages, and bewildered children.

No married couple, on their wedding day, anticipates a divorce in their future. Nobody anticipates having a debilitating illness or to be locked into poverty. Instead, we are optimistic, believing that we’ll fall more on the side of better than worse, richer than poorer, healthier than sick, and cherishing the other more than irked by them.

As of this writing, my dear wife and I have been married nearly 38 years. A lot of blood, sweat, and tears have gone into being together for all that time. We have weathered many experiences with one another. Yet, I’m under no illusions; there’s nothing particularly special about me or my spouse. There are plenty of couples who have put in as much work as we have, and their marriages still dissolved in an ocean of disappointment.

I’d like to think I am not speaking as one above others, but as a fellow guy just trying to do his best with what he currently knows – and grateful that I have a partner and friend who sticks with me and lives life alongside me.

The last thing any divorced folks need is a bunch of condescending gobbledygook from a pious simpleton who likely doesn’t have a clue about what’s going on.

God heals the brokenhearted
    and bandages their wounds.

Psalm 147:3, CEB

The truth is that we all need to continually come back to what Jesus encouraged us to do: Avoid hardness of heart, embrace humility, and seek oneness and unity above all else. A marriage that has two people living under the same roof like roommates, isn’t really a marriage, at all; they may have the legal document to prove it, but they don’t have the relational practices to back it up.

Divorce is a major change of life. Put that together with the reality that life is always progressing and never stays the same, we all undergo many new beginnings throughout the course of our lives. 

Thankfully, there is another reality that will forever stay the same: You were created in the image of God, both male and female, and that divine likeness can never be taken from you. Wherever you go, whatever you do, God is with us. One is never outside the Lord’s reach.

The self-righteous person who belittles any and all divorcees is unaware that even God has experienced divorce and knows precisely what it feels like:

I [God] gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce and sent her away because of all her adulteries. Yet I saw that her unfaithful sister Judah had no fear; she also went out and committed adultery. Because Israel’s immorality mattered so little to her, she defiled the land and committed adultery with stone and wood. (Jeremiah 3:8-9, NIV)

Perhaps your frame of mind right now is that you can barely see beyond today and cannot even imagine what will happen tomorrow. No matter the circumstance, regardless of who you are, where you have been, or where you are going, there is a God who exists on heaven and earth who completely knows and understands your situation. 

And the Lord stands ready to help you begin again and start something new.

Where hearts are broken, grant your healing.
Where trust is eroded, restore good faith.
Where bitterness has taken root, plant seeds of forgiveness.
Do not let anger destroy us, O God,
but teach us to love as Christ loved us. Amen.