Tag: boundaries

Jesus Stills the Storm (Mark 4:35-41)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year BLeave a comment
Calming the Storm #1, by Tigran Ghulyan

On that day, when evening had come, he said to them, “Let us go across to the other side.” And leaving the crowd behind, they took him with them in the boat, just as he was. Other boats were with him. 

A great windstorm arose, and the waves beat into the boat, so that the boat was already being swamped. But he was in the stern, asleep on the cushion, and they woke him up and said to him, “Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?” 

And waking up, he rebuked the wind and said to the sea, “Be silent! Be still!” Then the wind ceased, and there was a dead calm. He said to them, “Why are you afraid? Have you still no faith?” And they were filled with great fear and said to one another, “Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?” (New Revised Standard Version)

Jesus taught the people all day beside the sea. So many of them crowded around that he ended up getting into a boat and speaking from the water to the folks on land. It was an eventful day of telling memorable parables.

Then, evening came. Jesus told his disciples they were crossing over to the other side of the Sea of Galilee. In doing this, they were also crossing boundaries from Jewish to Gentile territory.

Christ’s disciples had not yet gotten used to Jesus crossing over to places they’ve never been to before. For them, it might as well be an ancient version of Star Trek, going boldly where no Jew had gone before. Following Jesus was like a science fiction trip into the unknown in which they had already seen things beyond their imagination.

Although Jesus respected people’s personal boundaries, he continually crossed both social and spiritual boundaries galore. Christ ate with the wrong kind of people; broke Sabbath laws and healed people at the wrong time; and was leading his motley band of disciples to the wrong sort of place.

Jesus kept going to where the religious establishment had firm boundaries not to cross. Hanging out with Christ meant taking risks at unpredictable times in unknown places.

The disciples were not quite ready for crossing a weather boundary, and they were understandably scared. Although they evidenced a certain lack of faith, conversely, it took some faith to even listen to Jesus and do what he told them to do and get in a boat to cross the sea.

There’s really nothing safe about being a follower of Jesus Christ, at least from a human existential perspective. Jesus put his disciples in all sorts of different situations that were downright dangerous. So, I’m not sure why any Christian would be surprised whenever they face trouble and danger in their lives; it’s part of following Jesus.

Christ Asleep During the Tempest, by Eugene Delacroix, 1853

A big windstorm popped up as the ship crossed the sea at night. A lot of people I know get scared and anxious when a thunderstorm hits; and they’re in a safe place within their own house. So, to be in a wooden ship with old school sails and oars at night, and a storm strikes, we can see that panic quickly set into the disciples. They, of course, cried out in their fear and distress.

But where is Jesus? Lo and behold, it turns out he was asleep, down in the hold of the ship, without a worry in the world. That struck the disciples the wrong way (much like talking to the wrong people and going to the wrong places and doing the wrong things). They interpreted this event of a peaceful sleeping Christ as calloused and insensitive to their collective plight.

How many times have we thought the same thing, and uttered along with the disciples, “Don’t you care that we are perishing!?” O you of little hermeneutic.

The truth is, those who wish to save their life will lose it – it will perish, be destroyed. But those who lose their life and let it perish for Christ’s sake, and for the sake of the gospel, will save it.

Yes, the dangers of death and destruction are very real; but taking up our cross and following Jesus turns out to be the safest option we have. It’s the deliberate choice of walking by faith, not sight.

Jesus, awakened by his disciples, proceeded to rebuke the wind and told the sea to settle down. That’s the same sort of language Jesus used when doing an exorcism.

Just as crowds marveled that the demonic realm obeyed Jesus when he healed persons of bad spirits, so Christ’s disciples were amazed at the authority which calmed a wild storm. Yet, no matter the situation or the reality, Jesus can and does bring orderly calm from disruptive chaos.

The eerie resemblance to exorcism in calming the storm let’s us know that Christ has power and authority over all evil in this world. Therefore, the teaching and ministry of Jesus is authoritative. Christ rules with a great power of benevolence and mercy over everything.

This understanding of Christ’s power and authority is the believer’s basis for faith and not fear. The lack of courage points to the lack of faith. To be both a coward and a Christian is incompatible and nonsensical.

We all become afraid, at times, because of various things. And some of that fear is warranted; it’s part of being human. Cowardice, however, is a different thing. Both the courageous and cowardly are fearful – the difference is that the former acts despite the fear, and the latter does not act because of the fear.

What matters is what the person of faith does in the face of a fearful situation, and not because they are afraid. There is no sin in the actual emotion of fear; it’s what we do with being afraid that makes the difference.

Following Jesus is no guarantee of a fear-free or a storm-free life. We may, especially in times of high stress, find ourselves blurting out to Jesus to wake up and help us because we feel he isn’t paying attention or doesn’t care.

The reality is that the power and authority of Jesus is needed most in fearful places. So, the Christian (and especially Christ’s Church) better get used to having courageous encounters and conversations with others.

Wherever there is pain, suffering, and neediness, that’s where the words and touch of Jesus are found. So then, if we are looking for Jesus, we ought to know where to find him.

Christianity is a religion which will send us where we’ve never been before – both externally and internally – into the violent storms. Entering the fray takes faith. And feeling afraid is expected. But this is where real needs are met, as well as the place of genuine spiritual development.

No matter what or who we face, we have the confidence that Jesus is with us. And even if he is sleeping during a storm, we are in a good place of peace.

Almighty and everlasting God, preserve us from faithless fears and worldly anxieties, and grant that no clouds of this mortal life may hide from us the light of that love which is immortal, and which you have manifested to us in your Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

The Sheep Need Boundaries (Jeremiah 23:1-8)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Exploring Church Ministry Blog, Year ALeave a comment

“What sorrow awaits the leaders of my people—the shepherds of my sheep—for they have destroyed and scattered the very ones they were expected to care for,” says the Lord.

Therefore, this is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says to these shepherds: “Instead of caring for my flock and leading them to safety, you have deserted them and driven them to destruction. Now I will pour out judgment on you for the evil you have done to them. But I will gather together the remnant of my flock from the countries where I have driven them. I will bring them back to their own sheepfold, and they will be fruitful and increase in number. Then I will appoint responsible shepherds who will care for them, and they will never be afraid again. Not a single one will be lost or missing. I, the Lord, have spoken!

“For the time is coming,”
    says the Lord,
“when I will raise up a righteous descendant
    from King David’s line.
He will be a King who rules with wisdom.
    He will do what is just and right throughout the land.
And this will be his name:
    ‘The Lord Is Our Righteousness.’
In that day Judah will be saved,
    and Israel will live in safety.

“In that day,” says the Lord, “when people are taking an oath, they will no longer say, ‘As surely as the Lord lives, who rescued the people of Israel from the land of Egypt.’ Instead, they will say, ‘As surely as the Lord lives, who brought the people of Israel back to their own land from the land of the north and from all the countries to which he had exiled them.’ Then they will live in their own land.” (New Living Translation)

All of the Old Testament prophets have something to say on the subject of caring for the flock, that is, on the religious leaders of the people and their sacred responsibility to spiritually meet the needs of others.

God cares for each and every sheep (person) and will do whatever it takes to ensure the flock has everything they need for life and godliness.

So, the Lord’s ire is raised whenever shepherd-leaders don’t do their proper job and fail to live into their vocation of responsibly caring for the flock by watching over it and providing for them.

One of the modern forms this takes is expecting worshipers to serve the institution, rather than the institution existing to serve the worshiper. The telltale signs of institutional centrality in the Church (instead of Christo-centric religion) is continually pursuing the priorities of attendance, money, and the church building.

To put it more crassly, some churches seem to only care about buildings, budgets, and butts in the pew. This makes the people the burden-bearers of supporting the system, rather than the system of leaders supporting the people.

“You get what you tolerate.”

Henry Cloud

Admittedly, I just painted a picture with a broad stroke; furthermore, there is nothing inherently wrong with institutional religion (after all, I’m part of the established religion scene). It’s just that shepherds need to be continually vigilant about focusing their pastoral goals and efforts in ways which spiritually care for the common good of all the flock.

A major reason why there is so much fear and anxiety amongst believers is twofold:

  1. Spiritual leaders have too much power and responsibility over too many things, and so, less time and effort is put into pastoral care and compassionately ministering to the flock of God
  2. Churches give spiritual leaders too much power and responsibility, having unreasonable expectations for pastors
  3. Believers aplenty have given up on church

You might conclude (wrongly) that institutional forms of religion, such as churches, just need to be avoided. However, none of us can completely avoid systemic sin because it resides everywhere. Instead, we need to clarify what we will tolerate and not tolerate.

Abusive situations occur when there are no fences to keep everyone safe, secure, and well-fed. It’s important to have boundaries in place for the life and health of everyone.

What are “boundaries?”

Boundaries define who we are. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to take and not take responsibility for gives me freedom.

“No is a complete sentence.”

Anne Lamott

Why is it important to set boundaries?

  • Boundaries help us keep the good in and the bad out. Setting boundaries involves taking responsibility for your choices. You are the one who makes them, and the one who must live with their consequences.
  • Boundaries help protect us from “gaslighting.” Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse in which one person manipulates another into doubting their thoughts, feelings, judgments, perceptions, and/or memories. Gaslighting convinces someone to accept the gaslighter’s version of reality at the expense of their own.
  • Boundaries hold people accountable for their words and actions. Without boundaries, we can easily feel used and mistreated.

What are some ways to set healthy boundaries?

  1. Clarify your values. Is this about preserving personal space? Do you want to make sure your emotions are not dismissed or invalidated? Are you trying to take back control of your time, energy, or resources?
  2. Decide where the fence will go. Where is your boundary line? What behaviors can you tolerate?  At what point does someone cross the line with you?
  3. Identify specific, problematic behaviors. What specific behaviors constitute unwanted trespassing on your life?
  4. Identify how a boundary violation is handled. Will you remove yourself from the situation, or step away from an unfinished argument?
  5. Follow through on the consequences. This is essential. If you’ve stated clearly what your boundaries are and they are crossed, make sure to do what you said you will do.

God makes and keeps boundaries and puts up reasonable fences in order that God’s people will be safe and cared for. The Lord also enforces those boundaries and has clear consequences when they are crossed.

The sooner we respect those divine fences, the better off we will be.

Almighty and everlasting God, breathe your Holy Spirit into our hearts and inspire us with love for goodness and truth. May we respect and honor you, and have no fear to hinder us from doing your will. Help us to be compassionate leaders and followers, knowing your compassion, being mindful of your love, and serving you faithfully, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Matthew 5:27-36 – Lusting, Liquidating, and Lying

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year BLeave a comment
Sermon on the Mount by Argentine artist Jorge Cocco Santángelo

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

“It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce. ’But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

“Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but fulfill to the Lord the vows you have made.’ But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. (New International Version)

Adultery. Divorce. Oaths. Jesus chose these topics from the Ten Commandments (7, 9, and 10) to uphold the ethical law of God.

In Christ’s Sermon on the Mount, Jesus gets to the heart of immorality and unethical behavior. The physical act of adultery arises from mental adultery. Divorce results from hardness of heart. Breaking oaths as a form of lying.

Adultery

Pornography is a 60 billion dollar a year industry, worldwide. It is the church’s problem, as well:

  • 53% of Christian men consume pornography.
  • 51% of pastors say porn is a temptation.
  • 69% of pastors started looking at porn out of curiosity.
  • 37% of pastors say it’s currently a struggle.
  • 35% of men have used pornography in the past month.
  • 4 in 10 of pastors looked at porn today.
  • There are 100,000 websites that offer illegal child pornography.
  • 90% of 8-16 year old’s have viewed porn online (most while doing homework).
  • 20% of men, and 13% of women, admit to viewing pornography at work.
  • 70 percent of all internet porn traffic occurs during the 9-to-5 workday.

Adultery initially occurs when someone feeds on mental sexual activity with another person. As with most of Christ’s solutions, he lays out a radical means of overcoming it.

Jesus is not condemning normal gender attraction, nor sex itself (which is a gift of God). Rather, Jesus condemns the leering upon another with sexual fantasy. All adulterous relationships and inappropriate sexual relations start with the “look.”

“Lust” is to intensely desire and burn for something, to seek mastery over another. The reason people stare, and lust, is not because of the other person’s manner or dress; it’s because they already have an adulterous heart. 

Whenever we are caught in physical or mental adultery, decisive and drastic action is needed. Jesus used hyperbole to drive his point home about the need of dealing with adultery. The approach is not applying a band aid; it is amputation.

The reason many men and women are snared by adultery, and seem unable to stop, is that they deal with it on their own. The radical action needed is accountability; confession must be offered.

Trying to manage lust on our own is like one individual attempting to contain a nuclear meltdown.

Jesus leaves no room to think it is okay to lust in the heart because I am not hurting anybody. Pornography enslaves its users and degrades women.

As powerful and addictive lust is, God’s grace is bigger and more powerful. There’s no need to be burdened with shame and guilt when the cross of Christ has already taken care of it.

There would not be a multi-billion dollar industry if there were not places in our hearts that are black. Now is the time for forgiveness, grace, and healing.

Sermon on the Mount by American artist Bill Bell

Divorce

Today in America more than one-third of all adults have experienced divorce.

Unfortunately, many divorced persons feel their faith community provided rejection rather than support and healing. There is a lot of room for improvement when to help families, and those having experienced divorce.

Please know Jesus condemns the cavalier divorce, and not all divorce. Anybody who doesn’t like their spouse doesn’t have ground for divorce. They entertain the thought of having a better spouse, even though there is no marital unfaithfulness. 

This is yet another form of mental adultery (and idolatry) which believes someone else can better meet my needs. 

Jesus clearly makes provision for divorce to occur in certain circumstances. Yet, he will not bend to liquidating a marriage over unhappiness with what God has joined together.

The intent of Old Testament legislation on divorce is to avoid a casual stance toward marriage (Deuteronomy 24:1-4). Over the centuries, people found creative ways of getting around the law. Although a divorce may be legal, it might not be ethical. Jesus wanted divorce practiced with concern for the woman, so that her rights and needs were considered.

Many took a loose view of divorce and focused solely on “indecency” as grounds for divorce. They did not interpret the term solely as sexual infidelity, as Jesus did, but had a broad understanding of indecency.

For example, if a husband did not like his wife, or, in the words of one rabbi, she continually burns the supper, he may “put her away” (divorce her). Jesus, however, insisted divorce must not happen because of a hard time getting along; or don’t love your spouse anymore; or that your spouse keeps irritating you. 

Being frustrated or unhappy are not biblical grounds for divorce. The answer to most marital problems does not lie in a new spouse, but in the hard work of identifying the idols of our hearts, overthrowing them, and re-connecting. Sin is crouching at the door, but you and I must master it.

Jesus said the ground for divorce is marital unfaithfulness, that is, any sexual activity outside the bounds of the marriage relationship. And, even in this case, divorce need not be an option, if the two people can reconcile.

Christ sought to defend women who are genuine victims. In biblical times, if a wife was given a certificate of divorce, she had four options: 1) Return to her family of origin; 2) Become a beggar; or 3) Become a prostitute to make ends meet; or, 4) Marry again, thus committing adultery if she was divorced because her husband didn’t like her. 

Jesus doesn’t take sides between spouses. Instead, he lifts the original intent of marriage: oneness. Divorce was never meant to be. Separating two people is damaging. However, it obviously occurs. (Matthew 19:1-12)

Divorce exists because of the heart’s hardness in one or both of the marriage partners. Divorce, really, is a legal testimony verifying that a separation has already occurred. It’s a recognition that disunity and non-oneness is already present. Legal divorce affirms that a terrible break already happened, damaging the people involved.

Just as God is one, two marital partners are to be one. Oneness is the primary goal of any marriage relationship. God did not institute marriage for people to live as roommates, but to be a new entity operating as one.

If God found it necessary to divorce his own covenant people, then it is inevitable divorce will occur among people (Jeremiah 3:1-8).  Therefore, let’s be discerning in how we handle each individual situation of marital difficulty.

Sermon on the Mount by Janice Elizabeth Steward

Oaths

“I swear on a stack of Bibles I won’t…” “I will, if I get around to it….” These are a few of the caveats we give when making a promise or oath. Oaths communicate our level or ability of getting it done, or not.

That’s fine. What isn’t fine is making excuses or false promises with no intention of doing what you say you will do. So, Jesus wants all the extraneous language out. Say “yes” or “no” and then follow through. And if you don’t, you’re a liar.

We often lie because we don’t want to do something to begin with. “Yes” and “no” are clear boundary words. Boundaries are needed so there is no oath-breaking.

Boundaries define where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to take and not take responsibility for gives me freedom.

  • Boundaries keep the good in and the bad out. Setting boundaries involves taking responsibility for your choice of “yes” and “no” and living with the consequences.
  • Boundaries protect us from “gaslighting.” Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse. The abuser manipulates another into doubting their thoughts, feelings, judgments, perceptions, and/or memories.
  • Boundaries hold people accountable for their words and actions. Without boundaries, we can easily feel used and mistreated.

Jesus wants us to clarify our values and live them out; make wise decisions; identify what we will accept and reject; and follow through on what we say we will do.

Conclusion

Adultery, divorce, and oaths are related. Boundaries – making and keeping promises – deals with outside forces trying to compromise our values. Accountability in naming our struggles mitigates covetousness.

Dissolved marriages and broken promises still happen. Yet, Jesus is there offering grace, not judgment. We may become emotionally damaged, however, there is healing available through the mercy of Christ. Amen.

Matthew 18:6-9 – Say “No” to Temptation

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year BLeave a comment

“If you cause one of these little ones who trusts in me to fall into sin, it would be better for you to have a large millstone tied around your neck and be drowned in the depths of the sea.

What sorrow awaits the world because it tempts people to sin. Temptations are inevitable, but what sorrow awaits the person who does the tempting. So, if your hand or foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It’s better to enter eternal life with only one hand or one foot than to be thrown into eternal fire with both of your hands and feet. And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It’s better to enter eternal life with only one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell.” (New Living Translation)

It’s probably a good idea not to get on the wrong side of Jesus.

Throughout the Gospels, Jesus utilized a variety of teaching methods to communicate his message. In today’s Gospel lesson, Christ used the language of hyperbole to arrest attention and get his point across.

A universal truism of this world is that sin exists. In Holy Scripture, sin is anything people do or say – or fail to do and say – which damages or destroys another’s or one self’s physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual wellbeing.

Greed, envy, gluttony, sloth, anger, lust, and pride abound no matter where one goes on this planet. Sin is downright awful. It causes people to stumble, and, when unchecked, leads to personal and corporate chaos, unrest, and destruction. 

Whenever sin is viewed merely as a character flaw, or simply part of the fabric of organizations and institutions, then hellfire is not far off. Hell exists because of sin. 

We get the flavor that Jesus took sin quite serious. Christ considers sin so terrible and heinous that he deliberately used the height of hyperbole to communicate that radical, drastic, and decisive action must unequivocally be taken to get rid of it. 

The Lord Jesus wanted there to be no mistake in his communication: Sin is not something to dabble in or take a shallow approach; rather, sin must be eradicated, at all costs. The language is severe: If your hand, foot, or eye causes you to sin, cut it off. It’s better to enter life crippled or blind rather than be thrown into a suffering hell.

Temptations will inevitably come. Yet, how we handle those temptations and what we do with them is of eternal significance. 

We must get to the root of the sin – which happens through succumbing to temptation – and re-arrange our lives, alter our schedules, and change our lives in a radical way to remove putting ourselves in a position to sin. 

Solid daily spiritual habits of Scripture reading and prayer; time for sleep and rest; attention to Sabbath; and a regular exercise regimen are all ways to help ensure that temptation will not win the day.

And God forbid that we cause another to sin because we are hangry, tired, and out of shape because we’ve neglected ourselves for far too long. Self-care isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity. Other people get hurt when we hurt ourselves.

Your self-care is always a valid excuse to say “no.”

If we take the words of Jesus to heart, perhaps we will gain awareness of the ways we need to metaphorically cut off a hand or gouge out an eye. For many people, this means learning to say “no.”

There doesn’t always need to be an explanation for assertively and courteously saying the word “no.” If an explanation is warranted, it should be brief. The word “no” doesn’t mean we are selfish pricks trying to wriggle out of responsibility. “No” simply realizes we are finite creatures with limited time, energy, and resources. Unlike God, we cannot do it all.

Setting personal boundaries is both wise and necessary. Without them, we let others chain us in bondage to their agendas. A lack of personal boundaries also typically means that the boundary-less person continually violates others’ boundaries. Since there are no fences in their own lives, they feel they can hop anybody else’s fence in front of them.

Violating someone’s space through mental or emotional manipulation, spiritual abuse, or bodily harm is sin. Jesus wants radical action to deal with such offense of others.

For the Christian, priority must be given to saying “yes” to Jesus, which then allows a “no” to come when there are competing priorities. A person unclear on their values and priorities will chronically violate others. If you have a specific plan of doing the will of God before being confronted with another person’s request, you’re more likely to stick to your original plan.

Jesus continually said “yes” to the Father. This framed and formed his earthly life so that he crossed social boundaries to speak to a Samaritan woman, a tax collector, and a leper – while maintaining the respect of another’s personal boundary by asking if they want to be helped and healed.

Sin is horrible – which is why Jesus went to the ultimate length to deal with it. He sacrificed himself and suffered an ignominious death so that sin’s power would be crushed, so that you and I could say “no” to temptation.

Holy God, you sent your Son to this earth to deal decisively with the world’s sin.  I choose today to walk in the forgiveness you offer through Jesus, and to avail myself of the Spirit’s power to forsake temptation in all its forms.  Amen.