Tag: authenticity

Ephesians 4:17-5:2 – Living in Truth

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year ALeave a comment

truth

So, I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed.

That, however, is not the way of life you learned when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Therefore, each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. “In your anger do not sin.” Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. (NIV)

Okay, a collective confession from the get-go: We know today’s New Testament lesson is the proper way to live. There’s no need to convince you that we must live and speak the truth in love, avoid angry tirades, keep a lid on our wagging tongues, keep bitterness out of our hearts, forgive others, and be compassionate to people. So, what is the real issue? Why, despite knowing better, do we as people have such a doggone hard time following God’s example of holy speech, pure words, and radical forgiveness?

If there was a simple answer/solution to the acerbic tongues of people, it would be easy to avoid using our words like a hot knife through butter and toast others with subtle digs and cranky words. Simply telling ourselves (or others) to stop their bellyaching is only a manifestation of our own belligerent spirit running amok. No, we need a solid practical approach to those nagging white lies we keep putting out there and the bending of truth to suit our own selfish purposes. Neither sheer willpower nor hackneyed homebrewed prescriptions will get the job done.

When we go to the doctor, we want them to be honest with us about our true condition and health.  If we have a clean bill of health, we are glad for that truth.  If, however, we have something wrong, we want to know what it is and how to deal with it. Doctors who avoid the truth so to not make us feel bad or hurt our feelings are performing malpractice, not healing. We need a solid diagnosis and prognosis framed in a caring way. Trying to grow spiritually without hearing the truth about ourselves from a spiritual doctor is like trying to do heart surgery on yourself.

The truth will set us free. Yet, before it will free us, it will make us uncomfortable. We all have a real need to hear the truth spoken in love and wrap our heads and hearts around it. Truth is: People are to be open, honest, and real with each other because we belong to one another. We are to stop being dishonest, and start being truthful.

truth cross

What is truth?

The Christian tradition teaches that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. Life together is to be shaped around the person and work of Christ.  Since Christians share a common confession of Jesus together, we are to share a common life together. That life is to revolve around the truth of Jesus. That means we will put off non-Christian ways of relating to each other and put on a Christian way of relating to each other.  We will speak truthfully because we belong to each other – we are responsible for one another.  Just as Jesus so closely identified with us in his life, death, and resurrection, so we are to so closely identify with each other that we take responsibility for each other.  My problems are your problems – your issues are my issues. This is a stance of connection, not division.

We are to put off lying and put on truth. Too often, we are in the habit of pretending and being plastic.  Pretending we are okay when we are not, or even acting like life is hard when it is not is an untruthful presentation – it is a lie. Secrecy and deception are tools of Satan, not God. Therefore, we must put off the bad habit of pretension, and put on the good habit of speaking truthfully to each other.

Why do we not speak truth?

Habits of lying come from the enemy of our souls who whispers in our ears that being truthful and transparent is too traumatic – we can’t do it. Buying into that snake oil thinking believes we cannot be open, honest, real, vulnerable, and genuine because it is not worth the risk. We become convinced that we will be rejected, lose face with others, or be a victim of gossip.  In other words, we let shame take the steering wheel instead of speaking truthfully to one another.  So, we avoid the truth and, so, end up avoiding others.

Why are we to speak truth?

We speak truth because we are responsible to one another. We are not meant to hide in the shadows but to step into the light and forsake all fakery and be truthful.  When Ananias and Sapphira lied to the Apostle Peter, they were judged severely because they betrayed the community (Acts 5:1-11). Lying undermines and erodes true community.

truth 2

How do we speak truth?

We speak truthfully by making and keeping promises to each other because that is what God does with us.  Faith communities which love truth will make a safe place for the awkwardness of confession, forgiveness, and healing.  There must be assurance that members will not abandon one another as they reveal their sins and weaknesses and fumble forward toward maturity and holiness.  Truthful communities are sacred spaces of encouragement and hospitality where we are safe to be real.  No one should ever have to suffer in silence, cry alone, or wonder whether they will be forsaken.  We must have a refreshing openness with each other since we belong to one another.  The late author and psychologist, Lewis Smedes, said in his book The Power of Promises:

“Yes, somewhere people still make and keep promises. They choose not to quit when the going gets rough because they promised once to see it through. They stick to lost causes. They hold on to a love grown cold. They stay with people who have become pains in the neck. They still dare to make promises and care enough to keep the promises they make. I want to say to you that if you have a ship you will not desert, if you have people you will not forsake, if you have causes you will not abandon, then you are like God.  What a marvelous thing a promise is! When a person makes a promise, she reaches out into an unpredictable future and makes one thing predictable: she will be there even when being there costs her more than she wants to pay. When a person makes a promise, he stretches himself out into circumstances that no one can control and controls at least one thing: he will be there no matter what the circumstances turn out to be. With one simple word of promise, a person creates an island of certainty in a sea of uncertainty.”

Where do we go from here with truth?

I harbor no delusions: Being transparent and real is scary. Yet, if we are to be the true humanity we are deigned to be by our Creator, we will speak truthfully and not put up a false front.  We will neither hide nor hurl.  We will neither pretend everything is okay when it is not, nor project our problems onto others using untruthful accusations. We will do the hard work of learning to communicate by speaking the truth in love.

There are two tendencies that may plague us going forward: complacency and mediocrity. When it comes to relationships, we are too easily satisfied with a minimum amount of effort, words, and commitment.  We need to make and keep promises to God and to each other; live into our baptisms; and, renew our covenant of care and commitment to each other.  This means we will allow God to invade our hearts; we will let our mouths say what needs to be said and be open enough to let others in.

Some folks have putrid spiritual abscesses from either hiding the truth or hurling truth without love.  Spiritual healing comes through spiritual surgery. God the Father sent God the Son to die on a cruel cross for all our unhealthy ways of relating to each other – and together sent God the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of Truth, to form a new community of believers around truth.

Putting off and putting on – that is the prescription for realizing truthful speech and life. It is not easy. It is hard as hell. And it takes us all as a human community to do it. Sometimes things are messy before there is order and peace. That is the price of authenticity and truth – and that is okay.

Lord God Almighty, the Creator of all that is good and true, help me so to put aside falsehood and put on truthful living and speaking that love and compassion shine in and through me to the glory of Jesus Christ, your Son, my Savior, who with you and the Holy Spirit live and reign forever together in a Holy Trinity of Truth. Amen.

The True Self and the False Self

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality BlogLeave a comment

“Be yourself, everyone else is taken.” – Oscar Wilde.

True Self False Self

People are complicated. They cannot be reduced to simple categories, as if an individual person can be neatly labeled as good or bad, nice or naughty, magnificent or mean, altruistic or selfish. No, people are wondrously intricate beings with a vast inner world of values and motivations. The reality of humanity is that we are a befuddling mix of virtue and vice with capabilities of much greater good than we realize along with an unfortunate capacity for heinous words and actions in the world. We are both blessed with the enduring mark of God’s image and cursed with not acknowledging our inherent worth through using cheap parlor tricks to prove we matter to others. As a result of these two often competing realities, we all tend to inhabit a sort of spiritual schizophrenia which vacillates between the true self and a false self.

What is the true self?

The true self is a person’s pursuit of realizing their own potential of gifts and abilities to be used for the common good of all. The true self embraces authenticity, vulnerability, and courage in their desire for growth and development of the inner person. The true self is open, being curious about self and others. Wanting to realize the full implications of God’s image within them, the true self is free to explore the vast potential of good which resides inside. The true self loves others from a place of invitation and patience. The true self is a master of one’s own inner wisdom and, so, has ability to rest and have peace.

What is the false self?

The false self is a person’s compulsion to achieve an idealized form of themselves. Such a self seeks the adulation of others since they lack awareness of their true self. The false self holds on to secrets, avoids emotions, and seeks perfection. The false self is closed, being afraid that others might reject them, if they knew the true self. Thus, the tragedy of the false self is that – in seeking self-protection – they do not find the self-realization and love they long for. Obsessively attempting to present an image to the world of having it all put together, the false self does not risk being brave. Instead, it fears others might see the bad within them, and so, judge and reject them. The false self uses love to manipulate others to love them back. The false self has no mastery of self because it attempts to become a master of a small world over others. The false self is never at rest and obsessively moves from one project to another.

Why does a person have a false self?

When someone has a great deal of inner stress, they might become estranged or alienated from their true self. For example, if someone has experienced trauma, they might direct their energy toward molding themselves into an idealized self. The hope of such a misadventure is to become impervious to any further trauma and pain. In short, the false self seeks power over others through doing everything the right way all the time so that they can feel a sense of security, superiority, and/or control in every situation.

How do I realize the true self?

The following is by no means an exhaustive list of connecting with our true selves. Indeed, you will likely come up with many more ways. After all, you have potentialities within you which I do not possess!

  1. Pay attention to your spiritual self. Just as our physical spine supports us and we need to take good care of it, so we have a spiritual spine which supports us when we need it – that is, if we pay attention to it and maintain good habits of self-care.
  2. Believe in the inherent good you possess – that it will eventually win and have the day. The image of God permanently resides within us; the curse of the fallen world does not. Have faith that goodness will prevail in your life.
  3. Focus primarily on exploring your true self through a positive plan; and, only secondarily focus on combating the false self. Compulsively trying to suppress the false self is, ironically, giving it power to call the shots in your life.
  4. Develop new habits and routines which are life-giving for you. Avoid implementing long lists of do’s and don’ts which are cumbersome and burden your soul with an unnecessary heavy load. A good rule of thumb here is that if your plan and routines are serving you well, then you are probably on a healthy path. If you find yourself constantly a slave to your routines, then you are serving the plan and are likely on an unhealthy road.
  5. Create a safe space for yourself in which your true self can arise. This means developing healthy rhythms of giving and receiving love; and, sharing your story and listening to others share their stories. And these occur when we have a safe space to inhabit. Safe spaces typically don’t fall into our laps. We need to take some initiative to find them.
  6. Take your emotions seriously. Many people have learned from their family of origin and/or their church or faith community that thoughts are more important than feelings; and, to not show emotions or even really acknowledge them. This, perhaps more than any other reason, pushes a person toward pursuing an idealized false self. In truth we are emotional creatures and our feelings are significant, valid, and vital. As we take those feelings seriously through talking about them and sharing them with trusted individuals, our true self begins to emerge.
  7. Seek support through finding groups who share your desire for self-realization and discovering persons who model what you are looking for. For example, for me, Jesus Christ is the ultimate model. When tempted with a devil’s pact for achieving salvation through self-idealization, Jesus did not take it. Instead, he chose the hard road of self-realization and was satisfied doing the will of God.

Some quotes on realizing the true self:

“If you don’t get lost, there’s a chance you may never be found.” – Anonymous

“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we’ll ever do.” — Brené Brown

“There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one’s self.” – Benjamin Franklin

“Always be a first-rate version of yourself and not a second-rate version of someone else.” – Judy Garland

“The path to great confidence is not in becoming invincible, flawless, and seemingly perfect. But rather, it is in embracing your humanity, in all its messy glory and tender vulnerability.” – Aziz Gazipura

“Embrace the glorious mess that you are.” – Elizabeth Gilbert

“Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness of other people.” – Carl Jung

“Live life as though nobody is watching and express yourself as though everyone is listening.” – Nelson Mandela

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” – Dr. Seuss

“The freedom to be yourself is a gift only you can give yourself. But once you do, no one can take it away.” – Doe Zantamata

Authentic, Not Hypocritical

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Exploring Church Ministry BlogLeave a comment
 
 
            “You can be certain that in the last days there will be some very hard times. 2 People will love only themselves and money. They will be proud, stuck-up, rude, and disobedient to their parents. They will also be ungrateful, godless, 3 heartless, and hateful. Their words will be cruel, and they will have no self-control or pity. These people will hate everything that is good. 4 They will be sneaky, reckless, and puffed up with pride. Instead of loving God, they will love pleasure. 5 Even though they will make a show of being religious, their religion won’t be real. Don’t have anything to do with such people” (2 Timothy 3:1-5, CEV).
 
The church is meant to be authentic, not hypocritical.
 
            Paul was talking to his young protégé Timothy.  He was not talking about unchurched people, but churched people.  If we miss that point, we miss the whole point of the book of 2 Timothy.  The bad stuff is all church crud.  This is why, when I was a teenager, I was so sour on the church.  My Dad was an elder and served in every capacity within our local congregation.  Even though he wisely did not talk about all the crud at the dinner table, occasionally someone would drop by and talk about the pastor to him, or about another member.  It was always negative.  No church member ever came to our home to encourage my Dad or my family, or to talk about how they might pray for the pastor.  They just belly-ached and made crazy accusations.  And all the while I knew what was going on in their lives (which was more messed-up than anything they were talking about to my Dad).
 
The church is meant to be a place where real people can share real hurts, real joys, real pain, real answers to prayer, real thoughts and feelings, so that they might find grace and healing for their lives. 
 
The church is meant to be authentic.  While Jesus was ministering on this earth, he was constantly chided for spending time with real people sharing real hurts because the religious folks did not want problem messy people around their religious establishment.
 
            If we keep hiding our emptiness and our pain, then pretense is always the result; this is just another way of saying “hypocrisy.”  Yes, when we pretend to be one thing on the outside but on the inside are another thing, then we are wearing a mask and playing the hypocrite.
 
            Let me be real with you:  I actually cry every day for the church.  I carry the weight of the souls of my own congregation on my shoulders.  I admit to you that Christ’s easy yoke doesn’t seem so light on many days for me.  I admit that there are times I grow tired and weary of the pretense, the negativity, and the lack of grace that so many believers today exhibit, especially on social media.  Today there needs to be repentance, revival, a commitment to biblical renewal, and loads of authenticity.  Today is the day to be real.
 
            People are messy, both physically and spiritually.  If there aren’t any cows in the barn, there’s no manure to shovel.  Dealing with messes means there is life happening.  Everything that is always nice and clean has no life happening.  Hospitality is messy.  Church ministry is messy.  When people share real feelings, it often is not pretty.  But the alternative is making a pretense and show of religion to appear we are upstanding Christian citizens.
 

 

            The church is the hope of the world when it is authentic, not hypocritical.  Growing up as a kid in my church I thought religious activity and right belief were the important things.  But I came to the point in my life at age seventeen recognizing that I did not have a real relationship with Jesus Christ.  I only attended church, and was not committed to knowing Jesus.  I was only a fan of Jesus, not a follower.  I wore a mask, and God had to unmask me.  I had to see that the Bible was relevant.  I had to repent and believe the gospel:  I needed to know that I was lost and that Jesus gives me forgiveness and new life.  That is the church’s message:  Forgiveness and new life in Jesus.  It comes through real genuine authenticity.  Hypocrites need not apply.