Questions About Sex (1 Corinthians 7:1-9)

Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations. But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.

The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.

Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another.

So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust. (New Living Translation)

After getting into several issues of interpersonal relations within the church, the Apostle Paul turned his attention to matters the Corinthian congregation had questions about. Primary among them were issues of sex and marriage.

Within an ancient port city that was rife with all sorts of sexual practices and immorality, it was inevitable that the Corinthian Christians would wonder about the nature of sex and the marital relationship. Is it okay to have sex? Is sex good? What’s sex supposed to be like in marriage? How am I to treat my spouse when it comes to sex?

It seems every culture in every era has plenty of questions about sex and marriage.

The Apostle’s answer to the Corinthian believers is that sex is a good thing, that is, within a proper context. Sex is similar to fire. They’re both good, but they both have an incredible potential for destruction if there are not some solid boundaries and limits to them.

And that’s where marriage comes in and has a significant role for us as sexual beings. Marriage is also a good thing; it’s good to have a marital partner to share life with and to consummate a loving relationship with the intimacy of sex.

Our sexual drives are strong. After all, we were created with both the desire and the bodily equipment for sex. And marriage is a sacred institution which is strong enough to provide those boundaries and limits that we need to enjoy sex without harming others and ourselves.

In a world full of all manner of sexual deviancy and disorder that destroys many people, the marriage relationship is, ideally, a safe place for sexual expression and enjoyment.

For that good to happen, it is most necessary for the marriage bed to be a place of mutual love, of equal acceptance and sharing. Sex always turns bad when it is forced or coerced. It must be an agreed upon activity, or it moves into the place of covetousness, greed, and selfishness.

Again, ideally, marital relations are an opportunity for the marriage partners to think about and satisfy one another. In other words, the best sex happens when each partner considers what is best for the other.

The marriage bed is not the place to insist on your way. Rather, marriage, at its heart, is a deliberate and volitional decision to serve the other person – whether in bed, or out of bed.

It’s not uncommon for individuals who come to Christ out of a culture awash in unhealthy sexual practices to question if sex is good, or not; and whether one ought to abstain from sex, even if already married.

The Apostle Paul’s counsel is that abstinence from sex between two married partners is good – but only for an agreed upon period of time, and only for the purpose of prayer and fasting. In other words, if and when a couple agrees to forego sex for a time, spiritual practices must replace sexual practice. Without a clear plan, married couples can cause one another more harm than good.

Always know when to come back together again. That’s because our old adversary, Satan, is far too crafty in arranging temptations to derail us from the good gift of sex, and the good institution of marriage.

Paul made it clear that he was not pronouncing some ex cathedra instruction concerning abstinence for couples; he was only answering a question and providing some helpful counsel in order to maintain legitimate relations with each other. Nobody is under obligation to abstain, let alone be celibate.

However, the Apostle, an unmarried and celibate person himself, wanted to point out that there are advantages to the celibate life. I must say, I cannot disagree with Paul’s observation that life is whole lot simpler being single than married!

Yet, Paul also understood that the celibate single life is not for everyone. He gave the sage teaching that both marriage and celibacy are gifts from God. One is not necessarily better than the other.

Unmarried persons are not in a lesser class of people simply because they are single. And if they have the ability to manage their desires and emotions when it comes to sex and relationships, then Paul would say, more power to them. There is no need to be married, just to be married.

Conversely, however, there is certainly no need to be single and celibate, as if this were some superior spiritual situation. Believing that singleness is necessary for spiritual commitment, or mandating that an entire group of people must be single and celibate in order to serve Christ, is completely foreign to the Apostle Paul’s line of thinking.

Any single person who discovers they are swimming in sea of sexual desire ought to marry, rather than be frustrated and struggle with self-control. Imposing unnecessary suffering on oneself is not at all spiritual or preferable – it’s masochistic, and helps no one.

The reality of married and non-married relationships is that they both have their advantages and their disadvantages. Both marriage and singleness are good. Both sex and celibacy are gifts to receive with gladness and joy.

So, make sure to unpack your gift well.

Holy God, in the midst of our sexualized world of insanity and disordered loves, I ask for your mercy and grace to be pure and holy, just as You are holy. Enable us all to live into healthy forms of sexual relations, without succumbing to the sexual immorality all around us.

Almighty God, I thank you for the gift of sex and marriage, as well as the gift of singleness and celibacy. May Your healing love meet us in our sexual brokenness, and Your compassion overflow to the sexually oppressed.

Blessed God, I am grateful for Your blessing upon us, for never shaming nor humiliating us, but making us pure and holy in Jesus Christ our Lord, through the enablement of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

The Effects of Bad Decisions (2 Samuel 12:15-25)

David and Nathan, by Angelika Kauffman (1741-1807)

After Nathan had gone home, the Lord struck the child that Uriah’s wife had borne to David, and he became ill. David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and spent the nights lying in sackcloth on the ground. The elders of his household stood beside him to get him up from the ground, but he refused, and he would not eat any food with them.

On the seventh day the child died. David’s attendants were afraid to tell him that the child was dead, for they thought, “While the child was still living, he wouldn’t listen to us when we spoke to him. How can we now tell him the child is dead? He may do something desperate.”

David noticed that his attendants were whispering among themselves, and he realized the child was dead. “Is the child dead?” he asked.

“Yes,” they replied, “he is dead.”

Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate.

His attendants asked him, “Why are you acting this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!”

He answered, “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, ‘Who knows? The Lord may be gracious to me and let the child live.’ But now that he is dead, why should I go on fasting? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.”

Then David comforted his wife Bathsheba, and he went to her and made love to her. She gave birth to a son, and they named him Solomon. The Lord loved him; and because the Lord loved him, he sent word through Nathan the prophet to name him Jedidiah. (New International Version)

The backstory to today’s Old Testament lesson is that King David not only screwed up, but he also jumped off the diving board into a big nasty pool of immoral excrement.

He saw a woman, Bathsheba, and had to have her. Thinking of only his desire, and not her needs, or that she was a married woman, he used his royal authority to get her. And he slept with her. What’s more, she became pregnant by the king.

At that point, David went to the dark side by covering up his immorality and shame. He eventually went so far as to ensure that Bathsheba’s husband, Uriah (who was both an upright man and an innocent victim) was killed in battle. The king again used his authority to arrange a murder to look like a death in military battle.

With Uriah dead, David brought Bathsheba to his palace as another one of his wives. And no one was the wiser… Except God, who was very displeased with the entire affair. So, the Lord sent Nathan the prophet to David. Through the savvy use of parable, Nathan was successful in helping the king to see his own terrible guilt.

To King David’s credit, he came to the point of recognizing his great faults, and repented of his awful doings. And to God’s credit, David was forgiven.

However, despite the reality of repentance and forgiveness, there are still consequences to our actions. And what is heartbreaking, is that the effects of our bad decisions and bad actions can and do affect others.

As a result of one man’s sin, a woman was violated, a man was murdered, and a baby was conceived, born, and soon died.

Bathsheba attends to her child as David fasts and prays, by W.A. Foster, 1897

King David came to the point of understanding this reality. True repentance, forgiveness, and faith, leads us to a real life which exudes genuineness and authenticity. It won’t undo the past; yet, it will affect the present, and can change the future – that is, if we let mercy and grace have its way.

David’s genuine fatherly love came from his restored place, and was shown by his authentic grieving and mourning. He did not want Bathsheba’s baby son to die. Yet, the child did die. Unfortunately, innocent people often become collateral damage because of another’s unthinking actions.

The king’s behavior, after the child died, shows his pained acceptance of the situation. And his consoling of Bathsheba is the first real evidence we have of David thinking of her instead of himself.

The story reassures us that God loves the next child born from Bathsheba and David. This baby (the future King Solomon) will not pay for his father’s crimes; nor will any other child that David fathers.

The typical trajectory of David’s life was to learn from God’s law and from the experiences God gave him. Yet, in the case of Bathsheba and Uriah, King David ended up learning the hard way that he could not rest on his laurels once he was in a secure and successful place in his life.

Maybe because David spent so much of his adult life facing life-and-death situations, that once he could relax a bit and not have to worry about his life, he let his spiritual and emotional guard down and fell into sin.

After committing adultery, David found himself in a spiritual and emotional place he had never been in before. Yet, instead of confessing his crime to God and making things right with Bathsheba and Uriah, he worked to cover up everything.

Specifically, shame is the place that David had never experienced before, at least to this degree. And when shame gets its poisonous talons into us, it is very hard to be open, real, genuine, and authentic.

In an effort to keep the secrets, the lies morph into more bad decisions, and more bad decisions become ever-increasing bad actions. It becomes a downward spiral of icky guilt which will never be assuaged apart from the divine tools of confession, repentance, faith, and reconciliation.

I trust and hope that it will not take a prophet like Nathan to show you and I how egregious some of our decisions and actions actually are.

Instead, we can make the daily decision to practice our spiritual disciplines, so that when we find ourselves in that good position of no longer having to fight for survival, we will be able to exercise wisdom from the largess of God’s grace which fills us.

Have mercy on me, O God,
    according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
    blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity
    and cleanse me from my sin. Amen. (Psalm 51:1-2, NIV)

Developing the Skill of Wisdom (Colossians 1:9-14)

Colossians 1:9-10, by Bible Art

For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. 

For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. (New International Version)

When I was younger, I played a lot of ping-pong. And I got good at it. In fact, during a several months stretch, back-in-the-day, I had a record of 156-2. Not bad.

That kind of record was only possible because of the two reasons that make any skill an accomplishment:

  1. Knowledge. I learned the game of ping-pong and eventually knew it inside and out.
  2. Experience. I practiced for hundreds, if not thousands, of hours in developing my technique.

The sort of knowledge that Paul was talking about was more than information and intellectual understanding; he used a specific word (in the Greek language – ἐπιγινώσκω, pronounced “EPee-gi-NOS-ko) which refers to knowledge gained by experience.

In English, we need to put two words together in order to communicate Paul’s concept: experiential knowledge – an understanding which is gained by continual repetition and practice until there is proficiency.

There are just some things that can only be learned and integrated into life through constant use and development over time. And this is precisely how a person becomes mature in life:

Growth + Time = Maturity.

And with maturity comes the wisdom to live life as it meant to be lived. This means that wisdom doesn’t come overnight or quickly; to be wise requires a great deal of learning, effort, experience, and time.

The wisdom and understanding Paul refers to is not some sort of secret information which has to be accessed through careful initiation into a group of people who have the inside knowledge. No, this is wisdom which can be gained by anyone who embraces a life of faith and spiritual discipline.

The highest form of knowledge for the Apostle Paul is knowing God in Christ.

This sort of knowledge is an understanding of salvation, and experiencing deliverance from guilt, shame, and the false self. Such knowledge is evidenced by the fruit of the Spirit in living a life of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. (Galatians 5:22-23)

Colossians 1:11, by Bible Art

From the outside of Christianity looking in, it may appear that this is all a grand achievement of the human will. But it isn’t. On the inside, the Christian life is thoroughly a work of God’s glorious power, bringing new life, and effecting spiritual growth and maturity into a wise and good way of life.

We did not deliver ourselves. God did. The Lord transferred our membership from the realm of darkness to the empire of light. Christians are simply people who have been redeemed by God in Christ. Our liberation is because of God’s gracious forgiveness of sins.

Forgiveness, however, is not the end game. Forgiveness frees us to pursue the spiritual life without guilt and shame hindering us and weighing us down all the time. Forgiveness opens us to the possibilities of positive and life-giving relational connections with God and other people.

In our relationship with God, prayer becomes the conduit of divine/human conversation. That connection, in the past, had blockage because of our unhealthy lifestyles. But it is now unobstructed because of God’s gracious intervention by Jesus, in the Spirit.

So, when it comes to our interactions in prayer, there’s no need to invent a new game; we just need to learn the one we’ve got, and put in the hours of work necessary to become accomplished at it. 

Today’s New Testament lesson is a prayer from the Apostle Paul to the Colossian Church. His prayer for them was singular: To have wise minds and spirits, that is, to have knowledge of God – an understanding of who God is and how God operates.

To learn divine ways is to acquire the skill of wisdom.

Paul prayed for a reason: so that we might live our lives in a way which pleases God and enables us to sustain a lifetime of spiritual growth. 

As people created in God’s image and likeness, we are hard-wired with a spirit which needs strengthening and exercise. That happens as we put in the constant repetitions of connecting with the divine and putting in the time on our knees – praying daily for ourselves and others to mature in faith so that we might all together act wisely and justly in this world, for the life of the world.

A good place to start is to use Paul’s prayer as our own. Never has there been such a need than now for us to know how to apply wisdom in the places and in the circumstances we’ve never been in before. 

For wisdom to happen, we must grow in our knowledge by putting in the hours of prayer.

The skill of wisdom doesn’t magically happen. Wisdom is the culmination of acquired understanding; a lot of practice exercising love in the places where love is not; and engaging in a lifetime project of becoming knowledgeable through constant learning, struggling, and growing.

Direct me, O Lord, in all my doings with your most gracious will and wisdom. Further in me your continual help – that in all my work and in all I do and say, I may glorify your holy name; and, by your mercy, obtain the life that is truly life; through Jesus Christ, my Lord.  Amen.

Who Do You Look To When Things Are Tough? (1 Samuel 9:1-14)

There was a Benjamite, a man of standing, whose name was Kish son of Abiel, the son of Zeror, the son of Bekorath, the son of Aphiah of Benjamin. Kish had a son named Saul, as handsome a young man as could be found anywhere in Israel, and he was a head taller than anyone else.

Now the donkeys belonging to Saul’s father Kish were lost, and Kish said to his son Saul, “Take one of the servants with you and go and look for the donkeys.” So he passed through the hill country of Ephraim and through the area around Shalisha, but they did not find them. They went on into the district of Shaalim, but the donkeys were not there. Then he passed through the territory of Benjamin, but they did not find them.

When they reached the district of Zuph, Saul said to the servant who was with him, “Come, let’s go back, or my father will stop thinking about the donkeys and start worrying about us.”

But the servant replied, “Look, in this town there is a man of God; he is highly respected, and everything he says comes true. Let’s go there now. Perhaps he will tell us what way to take.”

Saul said to his servant, “If we go, what can we give the man? The food in our sacks is gone. We have no gift to take to the man of God. What do we have?”

The servant answered him again. “Look,” he said, “I have a quarter of a shekel of silver. I will give it to the man of God so that he will tell us what way to take.” (Formerly in Israel, if someone went to inquire of God, they would say, “Come, let us go to the seer,” because the prophet of today used to be called a seer.)

“Good,” Saul said to his servant. “Come, let’s go.” So they set out for the town where the man of God was.

As they were going up the hill to the town, they met some young women coming out to draw water, and they asked them, “Is the seer here?”

“He is,” they answered. “He’s ahead of you. Hurry now; he has just come to our town today, for the people have a sacrifice at the high place. As soon as you enter the town, you will find him before he goes up to the high place to eat. The people will not begin eating until he comes, because he must bless the sacrifice; afterward, those who are invited will eat. Go up now; you should find him about this time.”

They went up to the town, and as they were entering it, there was Samuel, coming toward them on his way up to the high place. (New International Version)

“He who seeking asses, found a kingdom.”

John Milton, Paradise Regained

We are introduced to Saul, who eventually became the infamous first king of Israel. And he is described in almost a kingly sort of tone; his stature and pedigree are impressive. Saul looks the part of someone who could be important, do things, and go places.

Samuel and Saul, by Dutch painter Claes Moeyaert (1592-1655)

In today’s story, we find Saul to be an obedient and responsible son, going out to find some lost donkeys. By all appearances, Saul was an upright, law-abiding, faithful Jew from the tribe of Benjamin. However, appearances can be rather deceitful. The outward presentation of someone is not always congruent with what is on the inside; and vice versa.

These were the days when Samuel the priest would make a circuit through the country. He made regular rounds as Israel’s judge. Saul and Samuel would encounter each other in a divine appointment. The contrast between the two of them would become ever more pronounced and obvious. But to the point at hand, Saul was simply out looking for some lost animals.

At that time, Israel was facing yet another Philistine military threat. The Philistines were not indigenous to Palestine. The Egyptians referred to them as “sea people;” they originally came from somewhere around the Aegean Sea area and settled in Canaan along the coastal plain between Gaza and Jaffa.

The Philistines expanded their territory, which continually put them at odds with Israel their neighbor. Militarily, the Israelites looked like bumpkins compared to the Philistines – who were skilled warriors with state of the art weapons.

Israel had no king. Instead, they were led by a series of judges who gave rulings throughout the land. Samuel was the last of them because the Israelite tribes determined and demanded that they must have a king in order to face the Philistine threat. (1 Samuel 8:1-21)

Samuel wisely perceived that asking for a king was not going to go well for the people. And he had warned them appropriately. Yet, Israel persisted in wanting to be like all the other nations in having a king to lead an army and fight Israel’s battles.

Although the people loved and appreciated the priest and prophet Samuel, his leadership was regarded as insufficient for the constant anxiety of dealing with the Philistines. It seems the people did not realize or consider what they were asking for, because they got it, and it wasn’t always victory and celebration.

If Israel wanted a king – and someone who looked the part – then that is exactly what they would receive. Saul was tall, strong, and seemed qualified to wage war on the pesky Philistines. Frankly, Saul was a putz who lacked the internal character needed to govern God’s people and ensure God’s will would be done in Israel.

But, again, I get ahead of myself. Reading the account of Saul for the first time, it’s easy for one to not see the signs of a coming personal implosion of the soul.

Sometimes whenever circumstances have been challenging for so long, and difficulty just keeps showing up, we begin to lose our good judgment and start wanting easy solutions for complex problems. And that is what I believe happened to Israel.

The Israelites got tired of the constant Philistine threat – to the point of believing that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. They thought they needed a king and that everything would be better. And initially it was. But, over the long haul, it proved to be fatal.

For us today, it is good to remember that sound self-discipline through proven spiritual practices, and development of the soul by means of humility, patience, and wisdom, accomplish what is most needed in life.

Becoming weary and tired, we may slowly lose faith. Yet, the ability to persevere, stay the course, and listen well to wise people, can begin to erode and decay through the discouragement of constant adversity.

There is, however, a way to keep going when things are hard. Encourage one another daily. Avoid a critical spirit which drains the energy from others. Be careful who you listen to and take advice from. Become ever more familiar with Holy Scripture and that which is right, just, and good. Rely upon the Lord.

Living a faithful and devoted life to the divine covenant, instead succumbing to human culture, may not be easy; but it will serve us well in the long run.

Father of mercy, alone we have no power in ourselves to help ourselves. When we are discouraged by our weakness, strengthen us to follow Christ, our pattern and our hope; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. Amen.