Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Better a poor but wise youth than an old but foolish king who no longer knows how to heed a warning. The youth may have come from prison to the kingship, or he may have been born in poverty within his kingdom. I saw that all who lived and walked under the sun followed the youth, the king’s successor. There was no end to all the people who were before them. But those who came later were not pleased with the successor. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind. (New International Version)
Our very brains and bodies were created and hard-wired for relational connection and support. To have a friend is more than a nice thing; it is vital for our survival and wellness.
If disconnected and absent from friends for too long, we become like Tom Hanks in the movie “Castaway.” We end up talking to volleyballs and personifying them as our best friend.
The neurophysiological mechanisms of the human body are designed for human social interaction. For example, the parasympathetic system of the vagus nerve connects the brain’s emotional and cognitive areas to intestinal functions. This is why whenever we are lonely or have relational problems, we may feel sick to our stomach, or have trouble eating anything, or overeat to deal with the emotions.
First and foremost, friends are people who offer each other complete permission to be themselves; they are permission givers. When we are socially and relationally well, our body’s endocrine system can relax and do it’s necessary job of regulation. That’s because we are able to relax completely in the presence of another person who we know will accept us as we are.
Real friendship always requires a deep surrender to the mixing of souls that a friendship brings into being. To have such a friend is a blessing and a rare gift.
Because of friendship’s special and sacred nature, it is necessary to unite with someone who shares your basic values. This means that we need not turn someone away because they don’t match our perfect picture of what a beloved friend is, nor must we settle for a lesser relationship than we deserve.
In order to live and survive, we humans have three necessary requirements in life: food, shelter, and someone else to love and be loved by. If we have these, then there is nothing else we really need; everything else is just filler. Yet, there’s no need for filler whenever you are already full of friendship.
There is yet another friendship which is important for humans to thrive. We are creatures, created by a relational God. Even though humanity may be estranged from divinity – whether we realize it, or not – we are all on a journey back home to a relationship with God.
We need companions through this journey of our earthly life. And the Teacher of Ecclesiastes tells us that in these friendships we find some security against thieves, accidents, and the chill of the night. Indeed, a friend and companion makes life more safe, satisfying, and comfortable.
Which is why, again, our choice of friends and companions along life’s way are important. It is of vital significance whether those closest to us are wise or foolish.
A wise companion helps us stay on task, and encourages us to persevere in doing right. Such a friend assists us in living a good life full of justice and attention to the common good of all persons.
But a foolish companion drags us down into laziness and gossip; they only help us toward selfish interests that help no one. Might as well eat and drink all you want today, for tomorrow we die, they say.
That sort of counsel will not be found on any successful life plan.
We need solid friends who give us sound advice and counsel. And we also need a friend who is willing to accept our own sage insights.
Those who refuse to take advice, and those who listen to foolish counsel, are headed for disaster.
A fickle crowd who is easily swayed, and equally difficult to please, is a group of people who may know each other, but nobody is a friend. That’s because it takes true companions to get things done and work effectively together toward worthy goals.
Businesses everywhere could use some time reflecting on such relational realities as that.
And a crowd who chases after the latest fad which comes along is a group of people who have not yet understood how much they need the acknowledgement and leading of their Creator.
Apart from the pursuit of both divine and human friendship, people feel as if they need those fillers in their life. So, they end up having absurd strivings to accumulate wealth, money, stuff, prestige, position, and power. They buy into the notion that they can be radically independent, and use others to get what they want.
Good relationships, however, which seek the betterment of the other and give themselves to something higher and greater than themselves, will find all the riches in life they need.
Neither poverty nor riches has anything to do with life’s ultimate satisfaction and fulfillment. Whether one realizes the “American dream” or not, makes no difference whatsoever.
Accomplishing personal goals means very little, if you have no one to share it with, and no one who says “thank you” for what you’ve done (because you didn’t do anything for them, but for yourself).
In the end, all is meaningless, because everything is temporary… that is, except relationships.
Friendships and true companions are permanent. Relationships are the only thing we take with us. The wise person knows that the world truly spins on the axis of Love.
Loving Creator, God and Father of all, You are the provider of all good things. I pray You to bring good friendships into the life of all your people. Open my eyes to see people who need me to be a friend for them. Help me to be the friend I desire and long to have; and to serve my fellow humanity. Give us all a friend who will exhort us when needed, be gracious in our weakness, forgive our offenses, and bear our burdens. Amen.
Rev. Tim Ehrhardt 