Tag: marriage

Matthew 5:27-36 – Lusting, Liquidating, and Lying

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year BLeave a comment
Sermon on the Mount by Argentine artist Jorge Cocco Santángelo

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

“It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce. ’But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

“Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but fulfill to the Lord the vows you have made.’ But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. (New International Version)

Adultery. Divorce. Oaths. Jesus chose these topics from the Ten Commandments (7, 9, and 10) to uphold the ethical law of God.

In Christ’s Sermon on the Mount, Jesus gets to the heart of immorality and unethical behavior. The physical act of adultery arises from mental adultery. Divorce results from hardness of heart. Breaking oaths as a form of lying.

Adultery

Pornography is a 60 billion dollar a year industry, worldwide. It is the church’s problem, as well:

  • 53% of Christian men consume pornography.
  • 51% of pastors say porn is a temptation.
  • 69% of pastors started looking at porn out of curiosity.
  • 37% of pastors say it’s currently a struggle.
  • 35% of men have used pornography in the past month.
  • 4 in 10 of pastors looked at porn today.
  • There are 100,000 websites that offer illegal child pornography.
  • 90% of 8-16 year old’s have viewed porn online (most while doing homework).
  • 20% of men, and 13% of women, admit to viewing pornography at work.
  • 70 percent of all internet porn traffic occurs during the 9-to-5 workday.

Adultery initially occurs when someone feeds on mental sexual activity with another person. As with most of Christ’s solutions, he lays out a radical means of overcoming it.

Jesus is not condemning normal gender attraction, nor sex itself (which is a gift of God). Rather, Jesus condemns the leering upon another with sexual fantasy. All adulterous relationships and inappropriate sexual relations start with the “look.”

“Lust” is to intensely desire and burn for something, to seek mastery over another. The reason people stare, and lust, is not because of the other person’s manner or dress; it’s because they already have an adulterous heart. 

Whenever we are caught in physical or mental adultery, decisive and drastic action is needed. Jesus used hyperbole to drive his point home about the need of dealing with adultery. The approach is not applying a band aid; it is amputation.

The reason many men and women are snared by adultery, and seem unable to stop, is that they deal with it on their own. The radical action needed is accountability; confession must be offered.

Trying to manage lust on our own is like one individual attempting to contain a nuclear meltdown.

Jesus leaves no room to think it is okay to lust in the heart because I am not hurting anybody. Pornography enslaves its users and degrades women.

As powerful and addictive lust is, God’s grace is bigger and more powerful. There’s no need to be burdened with shame and guilt when the cross of Christ has already taken care of it.

There would not be a multi-billion dollar industry if there were not places in our hearts that are black. Now is the time for forgiveness, grace, and healing.

Sermon on the Mount by American artist Bill Bell

Divorce

Today in America more than one-third of all adults have experienced divorce.

Unfortunately, many divorced persons feel their faith community provided rejection rather than support and healing. There is a lot of room for improvement when to help families, and those having experienced divorce.

Please know Jesus condemns the cavalier divorce, and not all divorce. Anybody who doesn’t like their spouse doesn’t have ground for divorce. They entertain the thought of having a better spouse, even though there is no marital unfaithfulness. 

This is yet another form of mental adultery (and idolatry) which believes someone else can better meet my needs. 

Jesus clearly makes provision for divorce to occur in certain circumstances. Yet, he will not bend to liquidating a marriage over unhappiness with what God has joined together.

The intent of Old Testament legislation on divorce is to avoid a casual stance toward marriage (Deuteronomy 24:1-4). Over the centuries, people found creative ways of getting around the law. Although a divorce may be legal, it might not be ethical. Jesus wanted divorce practiced with concern for the woman, so that her rights and needs were considered.

Many took a loose view of divorce and focused solely on “indecency” as grounds for divorce. They did not interpret the term solely as sexual infidelity, as Jesus did, but had a broad understanding of indecency.

For example, if a husband did not like his wife, or, in the words of one rabbi, she continually burns the supper, he may “put her away” (divorce her). Jesus, however, insisted divorce must not happen because of a hard time getting along; or don’t love your spouse anymore; or that your spouse keeps irritating you. 

Being frustrated or unhappy are not biblical grounds for divorce. The answer to most marital problems does not lie in a new spouse, but in the hard work of identifying the idols of our hearts, overthrowing them, and re-connecting. Sin is crouching at the door, but you and I must master it.

Jesus said the ground for divorce is marital unfaithfulness, that is, any sexual activity outside the bounds of the marriage relationship. And, even in this case, divorce need not be an option, if the two people can reconcile.

Christ sought to defend women who are genuine victims. In biblical times, if a wife was given a certificate of divorce, she had four options: 1) Return to her family of origin; 2) Become a beggar; or 3) Become a prostitute to make ends meet; or, 4) Marry again, thus committing adultery if she was divorced because her husband didn’t like her. 

Jesus doesn’t take sides between spouses. Instead, he lifts the original intent of marriage: oneness. Divorce was never meant to be. Separating two people is damaging. However, it obviously occurs. (Matthew 19:1-12)

Divorce exists because of the heart’s hardness in one or both of the marriage partners. Divorce, really, is a legal testimony verifying that a separation has already occurred. It’s a recognition that disunity and non-oneness is already present. Legal divorce affirms that a terrible break already happened, damaging the people involved.

Just as God is one, two marital partners are to be one. Oneness is the primary goal of any marriage relationship. God did not institute marriage for people to live as roommates, but to be a new entity operating as one.

If God found it necessary to divorce his own covenant people, then it is inevitable divorce will occur among people (Jeremiah 3:1-8).  Therefore, let’s be discerning in how we handle each individual situation of marital difficulty.

Sermon on the Mount by Janice Elizabeth Steward

Oaths

“I swear on a stack of Bibles I won’t…” “I will, if I get around to it….” These are a few of the caveats we give when making a promise or oath. Oaths communicate our level or ability of getting it done, or not.

That’s fine. What isn’t fine is making excuses or false promises with no intention of doing what you say you will do. So, Jesus wants all the extraneous language out. Say “yes” or “no” and then follow through. And if you don’t, you’re a liar.

We often lie because we don’t want to do something to begin with. “Yes” and “no” are clear boundary words. Boundaries are needed so there is no oath-breaking.

Boundaries define where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to take and not take responsibility for gives me freedom.

  • Boundaries keep the good in and the bad out. Setting boundaries involves taking responsibility for your choice of “yes” and “no” and living with the consequences.
  • Boundaries protect us from “gaslighting.” Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse. The abuser manipulates another into doubting their thoughts, feelings, judgments, perceptions, and/or memories.
  • Boundaries hold people accountable for their words and actions. Without boundaries, we can easily feel used and mistreated.

Jesus wants us to clarify our values and live them out; make wise decisions; identify what we will accept and reject; and follow through on what we say we will do.

Conclusion

Adultery, divorce, and oaths are related. Boundaries – making and keeping promises – deals with outside forces trying to compromise our values. Accountability in naming our struggles mitigates covetousness.

Dissolved marriages and broken promises still happen. Yet, Jesus is there offering grace, not judgment. We may become emotionally damaged, however, there is healing available through the mercy of Christ. Amen.

1 Corinthians 7:32-40 – Relational Worries

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year BLeave a comment

 I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does better. A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is—and I think that I too have the Spirit of God. (NIV)

Everyone experiences worry and anxiety. It is part of our human condition in this broken world. You may have even woken up this morning with deep furrows of anxiety about the state of your life – and maybe God was lost somewhere in your worry. The Bible addresses worry many times, and the Apostle Paul brings it out here in our New Testament lesson for today.

Throughout the letter to the Corinthians, the Apostle Paul dealt with several issues effecting the life and health of the church. One of the topics of discussion was the prospect of marriage for unmarried persons (sounds like Paul spoke at a lot of college campuses). Paul went back and forth with the people as if he had a daisy in his hand giving a pre-marital counseling illustration of “she loves me, she loves me not” as he pulled petals off the flower.

“We must make the choices that enable us to fulfill the deepest capacities of our real selves.”

thomas merton

Paul vacillated between whether to get married or not because of his larger concern about individual and congregational anxiety. The Apostle wanted everyone in the church to be free from worry. This, then, becomes a sage grid from which to make an important life decision: Does being unmarried create worry and anxiety within you, to the point that you cannot think about pleasing God? 

If that is the case, then drop the long engagement and get married, or put yourself out there to connect in a relationship. If being unmarried does not cause one to worry, then Paul would say to stay in your current state and be unconcerned for pursuing a marriage relationship. Instead, use your station in life to serve God freely, liberated from the worry of caring for a spouse.

Pleasing and serving the Lord is Paul’s highest good. If we are in life circumstances which make it difficult for us to serve God, then we ought to work to change the situation so that we can focus better on Christ. This is one of the most simple and wise ways of making decisions for the Christian devoted to Jesus, and discerning God’s will.

Having said that, it is important not to overthink this – because it only adds to the anxiety and really goes nowhere in making sound decisions. When it comes to issues about marriage and relationships, some folks get paralyzed wanting to make the “right” decision, and so, get too scared to even talk about their worry with others. Throw into the mix a possible underlying anxiety about being rejected, and decision-making can get quickly stymied. If we are too nervous to voice our concerns, we will likely miss out on the opportunity to potentially get reassurance and help.

Whenever we experience decision-making anxiety, there are some ways to address it…

  • Breathe. Take some deep breaths and feel your feet on the ground. When you have an internal conflict, it creates inner drama, and we easily get stuck. Take a deep breath to take the edge off.
  • Be curious. When we are conflicted on the inside, be curious about what you want or need. Explore your true intentions without judgment. It is when our inner-critic chimes in with the harsh rhetoric of judgment that we often become anxious and worried. It is okay to identify and express what we really need and want.
  • Write it out. The act of writing not only helps clarify our thought process; it also calms our brains and our spirits – which allows us to calmly ask ourselves: “What is the best move at this point?”

May you blessed because you care. Although relational anxiety can vex our spirits, it is a sign that we want what is best for ourselves and others.

Gracious God, you in every way want me to be healthy and content. Help me not to be overcome by anxiety, and in all I do direct me to fulfilling of your purposes; through Jesus Christ, my Lord, along with you and the Holy Spirit.  Amen.

Malachi 2:10-3:1 – Remain Faithful

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year BLeave a comment
An Eastern Orthodox icon of the prophet Malachi

Don’t we all come from one Father? Aren’t we all created by the same God? So why can’t we get along? Why do we desecrate the covenant of our ancestors that binds us together?

Judah has cheated on God—a sickening violation of trust in Israel and Jerusalem: Judah has desecrated the holiness of God by falling in love and running off with foreign women, women who worship alien gods. God’s curse on those who do this! Drive them out of house and home! They’re no longer fit to be part of the community no matter how many offerings they bring to God-of-the-Angel-Armies.

And here’s a second offense: You fill the place of worship with your whining and sniveling because you don’t get what you want from God. Do you know why? Simple. Because God was there as a witness when you spoke your marriage vows to your young bride, and now you’ve broken those vows, broken the faith-bond with your vowed companion, your covenant wife. God, not you, made marriage. His Spirit inhabits even the smallest details of marriage. And what does he want from marriage? Children of God, that’s what. So, guard the spirit of marriage within you. Don’t cheat on your spouse.

“I hate divorce,” says the God of Israel. God-of-the-Angel-Armies says, “I hate the violent dismembering of the ‘one flesh’ of marriage.” So, watch yourselves. Don’t let your guard down. Don’t cheat.

You make God tired with all your talk.

“How do we tire him out?” you ask.

By saying, “God loves sinners and sin alike. God loves all.” And, by saying, “Judgment? God’s too nice to judge.”

“Look! I’m sending my messenger on ahead to clear the way for me. Suddenly, out of the blue, the Leader you’ve been looking for will enter his Temple—yes, the Messenger of the Covenant, the one you’ve been waiting for. Look! He’s on his way!” A Message from the mouth of God-of-the-Angel-Armies. (MSG)

Any reader of Holy Scripture must come to grips with sections of it which are difficult, harsh, and scathing. Since the Bible covers a complete range of the human condition, not all we find within it are bunnies and butterflies. The prophets of the Lord held back no punches when it came to delivering their message.

In today’s Old Testament lesson, the prophet Malachi squarely addressed the people’s issue of unfaithfulness. They were faithless to one another; faithless to their spouses; and, faithless to God.  God is described by the prophet as weary and exasperated with a lot of talk with no faithful presence and action. 

God hates divorce simply because it is so damaging for those involved. This is not a divine decree that divorce should never exist any more than God’s hatred for the people’s worship means that worship should never exist.

Both marriage and worship are to be meaningful experiences of devotion and dedication to the significant human and divine relationships in our lives.

God has no tolerance for half-hearted commitments which either opens another to violence or having verbal or physical violence perpetrated outright by the one who ought to be protecting and loving.

The solution to the two-faced problem of the people with their milquetoast obedience is that a messenger will be sent to prepare the way of the Lord.  He is coming, and it will be soon.

Keeping the end of our lives and of history in mind helps bring greater clarity and purpose to the present. The season of Advent reminds the faithful that since Jesus is coming soon, we must hold fast to our Christian allegiance. 

Faithfulness toward God also means having a faithful presence (albeit perhaps virtually) to the people close to us and near us.

Malachi exhorted the people to guard their spirits because a lack of personal awareness within causes a dearth of awareness without in simply seeing others but not really seeing them. Spousal abuse is not okay, and the God who sees all will rouse and act on behalf of the one stuck in a situation and pattern of neglect and/or exploitation.

It is necessary to monitor the condition of our souls and be in touch with the state of our spirits so that we remain faithful. We are to nurture our inner selves so that outward actions reflect faithful commitment without harming those closest to us.

Vulnerability with oneself and submission to basic accountability structures are important so that we are aware to strengthen the inner person.  Rather than embrace a rabid individualism, communal dedication is a primary way of pleasing God, serving others, and realizing divine blessing. It also is a necessary preventative to domestic abuse.

Everyone deserves healthy relationships.

If you or someone you know is the victim of spousal abuse, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or visit their website at https://www.thehotline.org/

Sovereign God, the One who sees and knows all, help me guard my spirit so that I will be faithful in all I do and in all my relationships with others, especially my own family and spouse.  Strengthen my soul to remain dedicated to seeing the coming of Jesus in all his glory.  Amen.