Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations. But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.
The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.
Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another.
So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust. (New Living Translation)
After getting into several issues of interpersonal relations within the church, the Apostle Paul turned his attention to matters the Corinthian congregation had questions about. Primary among them were issues of sex and marriage.
Within an ancient port city that was rife with all sorts of sexual practices and immorality, it was inevitable that the Corinthian Christians would wonder about the nature of sex and the marital relationship. Is it okay to have sex? Is sex good? What’s sex supposed to be like in marriage? How am I to treat my spouse when it comes to sex?
It seems every culture in every era has plenty of questions about sex and marriage.
The Apostle’s answer to the Corinthian believers is that sex is a good thing, that is, within a proper context. Sex is similar to fire. They’re both good, but they both have an incredible potential for destruction if there are not some solid boundaries and limits to them.
And that’s where marriage comes in and has a significant role for us as sexual beings. Marriage is also a good thing; it’s good to have a marital partner to share life with and to consummate a loving relationship with the intimacy of sex.
Our sexual drives are strong. After all, we were created with both the desire and the bodily equipment for sex. And marriage is a sacred institution which is strong enough to provide those boundaries and limits that we need to enjoy sex without harming others and ourselves.
In a world full of all manner of sexual deviancy and disorder that destroys many people, the marriage relationship is, ideally, a safe place for sexual expression and enjoyment.
For that good to happen, it is most necessary for the marriage bed to be a place of mutual love, of equal acceptance and sharing. Sex always turns bad when it is forced or coerced. It must be an agreed upon activity, or it moves into the place of covetousness, greed, and selfishness.
Again, ideally, marital relations are an opportunity for the marriage partners to think about and satisfy one another. In other words, the best sex happens when each partner considers what is best for the other.
The marriage bed is not the place to insist on your way. Rather, marriage, at its heart, is a deliberate and volitional decision to serve the other person – whether in bed, or out of bed.
It’s not uncommon for individuals who come to Christ out of a culture awash in unhealthy sexual practices to question if sex is good, or not; and whether one ought to abstain from sex, even if already married.
The Apostle Paul’s counsel is that abstinence from sex between two married partners is good – but only for an agreed upon period of time, and only for the purpose of prayer and fasting. In other words, if and when a couple agrees to forego sex for a time, spiritual practices must replace sexual practice. Without a clear plan, married couples can cause one another more harm than good.
Always know when to come back together again. That’s because our old adversary, Satan, is far too crafty in arranging temptations to derail us from the good gift of sex, and the good institution of marriage.
Paul made it clear that he was not pronouncing some ex cathedra instruction concerning abstinence for couples; he was only answering a question and providing some helpful counsel in order to maintain legitimate relations with each other. Nobody is under obligation to abstain, let alone be celibate.
However, the Apostle, an unmarried and celibate person himself, wanted to point out that there are advantages to the celibate life. I must say, I cannot disagree with Paul’s observation that life is whole lot simpler being single than married!
Yet, Paul also understood that the celibate single life is not for everyone. He gave the sage teaching that both marriage and celibacy are gifts from God. One is not necessarily better than the other.
Unmarried persons are not in a lesser class of people simply because they are single. And if they have the ability to manage their desires and emotions when it comes to sex and relationships, then Paul would say, more power to them. There is no need to be married, just to be married.
Conversely, however, there is certainly no need to be single and celibate, as if this were some superior spiritual situation. Believing that singleness is necessary for spiritual commitment, or mandating that an entire group of people must be single and celibate in order to serve Christ, is completely foreign to the Apostle Paul’s line of thinking.
Any single person who discovers they are swimming in sea of sexual desire ought to marry, rather than be frustrated and struggle with self-control. Imposing unnecessary suffering on oneself is not at all spiritual or preferable – it’s masochistic, and helps no one.
The reality of married and non-married relationships is that they both have their advantages and their disadvantages. Both marriage and singleness are good. Both sex and celibacy are gifts to receive with gladness and joy.
So, make sure to unpack your gift well.
Holy God, in the midst of our sexualized world of insanity and disordered loves, I ask for your mercy and grace to be pure and holy, just as You are holy. Enable us all to live into healthy forms of sexual relations, without succumbing to the sexual immorality all around us.
Almighty God, I thank you for the gift of sex and marriage, as well as the gift of singleness and celibacy. May Your healing love meet us in our sexual brokenness, and Your compassion overflow to the sexually oppressed.
Blessed God, I am grateful for Your blessing upon us, for never shaming nor humiliating us, but making us pure and holy in Jesus Christ our Lord, through the enablement of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
Rev. Tim Ehrhardt 