Tag: grief

Making Sense of Faith and Trouble? (Job 15:1-35)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year BLeave a comment
Job with his friends, by Gerard Seghers (1591-1651)

Then Eliphaz the Temanite replied:

“Would a wise person answer with empty notions
    or fill their belly with the hot east wind?
Would they argue with useless words,
    with speeches that have no value?
But you even undermine piety
    and hinder devotion to God.
Your sin prompts your mouth;
    you adopt the tongue of the crafty.
Your own mouth condemns you, not mine;
    your own lips testify against you.

“Are you the first man ever born?
    Were you brought forth before the hills?
Do you listen in on God’s council?
    Do you have a monopoly on wisdom?
What do you know that we do not know?
    What insights do you have that we do not have?
The gray-haired and the aged are on our side,
    men even older than your father.
Are God’s consolations not enough for you,
    words spoken gently to you?
Why has your heart carried you away,
    and why do your eyes flash,
so that you vent your rage against God
    and pour out such words from your mouth?

“What are mortals, that they could be pure,
    or those born of woman, that they could be righteous?
If God places no trust in his holy ones,
    if even the heavens are not pure in his eyes,
how much less mortals, who are vile and corrupt,
    who drink up evil like water!

“Listen to me and I will explain to you;
    let me tell you what I have seen,
what the wise have declared,
    hiding nothing received from their ancestors
(to whom alone the land was given
    when no foreigners moved among them):
All his days the wicked man suffers torment,
    the ruthless man through all the years stored up for him.
Terrifying sounds fill his ears;
    when all seems well, marauders attack him.
He despairs of escaping the realm of darkness;
    he is marked for the sword.
He wanders about for food like a vulture;
    he knows the day of darkness is at hand.
Distress and anguish fill him with terror;
    troubles overwhelm him, like a king poised to attack,
because he shakes his fist at God
    and vaunts himself against the Almighty,
defiantly charging against him
    with a thick, strong shield.

“Though his face is covered with fat
    and his waist bulges with flesh,
he will inhabit ruined towns
    and houses where no one lives,
    houses crumbling to rubble.
He will no longer be rich and his wealth will not endure,
    nor will his possessions spread over the land.
He will not escape the darkness;
    a flame will wither his shoots,
    and the breath of God’s mouth will carry him away.
Let him not deceive himself by trusting what is worthless,
    for he will get nothing in return.
Before his time he will wither,
    and his branches will not flourish.
He will be like a vine stripped of its unripe grapes,
    like an olive tree shedding its blossoms.
For the company of the godless will be barren,
    and fire will consume the tents of those who love bribes.
They conceive trouble and give birth to evil;
    their womb fashions deceit.” (New International Version)

The biblical character of Job had asked the friends to hear him out on his case against God. But they did not stay quiet and listen. Instead, they got irritated with Job and accused him of sin.

One of the three friends, Eliphaz, went from exhortation to an outright rebuke of Job. He took him to task on what he was saying, and gave Job a hellfire sermon designed to get him right with God.

Eliphaz had a problem with Job’s approach to God. Yet, we as readers know that none of this suffering was Job’s fault. In reality, it was Eliphaz who had the problem: He was stuck in a particular way of thinking to the point of not being able to entertain another’s point of view.

Each of the three friends did not distinguish between their assumptions and the truth. They had such engrained habits of thinking and living, that their minds were not open to the experience of Job being anything but sinful.

The major presupposition that Eliphaz held is that anyone who experiences such extreme hardship and suffering as Job is being punished by God. And that was a false presupposition.

There is a tragic irony with the story of Job and his friends. Eliphaz assessed Job’s situation and words as wicked. What’s more, Eliphaz believed that Job added to that sin by contending with God and insisting on his own personal innocence.

Yet, what Eliphaz said about Job was actually true about himself. Eliphaz was the one speaking out of ignorance and pride, as if he knew how the universe really works. In truth, Eliphaz was talking about himself, without knowing it.

Eliphaz presupposed, assumed, and believed that wicked persons are the ones who experience a life of pain, terror, illness, and deprivation. Thus, Job is wicked. And therefore, believed Eliphaz, Job’s future destiny was in jeopardy.

Is crying out in pain and giving a vulnerable yell toward God sin? Is it a sign of wickedness? Will it lead one to hell?

In the view of Eliphaz, yes. Because to challenge God is to rebel against God. To experience extreme suffering is a sign of personal wickedness against God.

By taking a good hard look at the entirety of the Book of Job, I can say with confidence that Eliphaz was, at best, ignorant; and, at worst, hurtful. He had no idea how off target he really was. The sinner in the room was not Job; it was Eliphaz.

The friends had too simple and easy of a theology of suffering. They equated Job’s suffering with God’s punishment. Reading the story of Job, however, challenges that simplistic theology.

Job insisted that his supposed punishment was undeserved. And he was right. Terrible misfortune is not necessarily a result of personal sin or wickedness.

The piety of Job was strong enough to accept the misfortune that fell upon him, without rebelling against God (Job 1:10). Yet, Job’s faithfulness to God could not make sense between his agonizing suffering, the loss of property and family, and God’s silence and purpose in it all.

And maybe that is, in part, the point of the Book of Job – that there are people all over the world who undergo hard circumstances and grinding loss, without knowing why they are going through it.

Hopefully, this awakening to the suffering of others will kindle within us a more compassionate spirit and empathetic presence with those feeling the nonsensical situations of their lives.

Almighty God, I bring to you all those who suffer in body, mind, spirit or with grief. May your loving kindness and divine presence sustain them in the midst of their pain. May those who are stretched beyond their capacity to cope and remain hopeful gain a sense of coherence, comfort and strength in the Lord. Amen.

Suffering That Is Beyond Understanding (Job 2:11-3:26)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year BLeave a comment

When Job’s three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. 

When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.

After this, Job opened his mouth and cursed the day of his birth. He said:

“May the day of my birth perish,
    and the night that said, ‘A boy is conceived!’
That day—may it turn to darkness;
    may God above not care about it;
    may no light shine on it.
May gloom and utter darkness claim it once more;
    may a cloud settle over it;
    may blackness overwhelm it.
That night—may thick darkness seize it;
    may it not be included among the days of the year
    nor be entered in any of the months.
May that night be barren;
    may no shout of joy be heard in it.
May those who curse days curse that day,
    those who are ready to rouse Leviathan.
May its morning stars become dark;
    may it wait for daylight in vain
    and not see the first rays of dawn,
for it did not shut the doors of the womb on me
    to hide trouble from my eyes.

“Why did I not perish at birth,
    and die as I came from the womb?
Why were there knees to receive me
    and breasts that I might be nursed?
For now I would be lying down in peace;
    I would be asleep and at rest
with kings and rulers of the earth,
    who built for themselves places now lying in ruins,
with princes who had gold,
    who filled their houses with silver.
Or why was I not hidden away in the ground like a stillborn child,
    like an infant who never saw the light of day?
There the wicked cease from turmoil,
    and there the weary are at rest.
Captives also enjoy their ease;
    they no longer hear the slave driver’s shout.
The small and the great are there,
    and the slaves are freed from their owners.

“Why is light given to those in misery,
    and life to the bitter of soul,
to those who long for death that does not come,
    who search for it more than for hidden treasure,
who are filled with gladness
    and rejoice when they reach the grave?
Why is life given to a man
    whose way is hidden,
    whom God has hedged in?
For sighing has become my daily food;
    my groans pour out like water.
What I feared has come upon me;
    what I dreaded has happened to me.
I have no peace, no quietness;
    I have no rest, but only turmoil.” (New International Version)

Job and His Friends, by Ilya Repin, 1869

By anyone’s definition of trouble, the biblical character of Job was in a world of it. Through a series of terrible calamities in which he lost all his children and his earthly possessions, Job was sitting in misery with painful sores on his body from head to toe.

We as readers of Job’s story, have been informed of the behind the scenes discussion between God and Satan. Out of that conversation, Satan was allowed to do anything to Job except outright kill him. (Job 1:1-12)

Job and his “friends,” however, were not privy to any of that insider information. All they knew was the bald reality concerning Job’s loss of family, property, and health. When the friends heard of the tragedies, they came to visit him. And upon seeing Job, they barely recognized him, devastated from the harsh circumstances of his experiences.

What would you do if you were Job? I’ve seen people give up on life altogether, having gone through a lot less than Job. What would you do if you were the friends? I’ve known people that didn’t even have their friends show up, at all, when they went through extreme difficulties.

Sometimes I feel as if I’m in the business of being a chaplain to the Job’s of this world. I consider myself a creative guy, but the experiences and stories from some of the patients I’ve seen, I don’t think I could ever have imagined. There are hardships some folks have lived through that have no words. “Trauma” is an understatement for them.

That was the spiritual and emotional territory for Job. Yet, he held fast to his commitment toward God. But that didn’t mean Job was going to keep quiet and be passive before God or anyone else.

Job was in such a holistic state of misery that he wished he were never born. Both body and soul were hurting beyond hurt.

It is laughable to me to consider that Job would have ever said anything like, “Well, there are others who have it worse than me!” “I could be more thankful for what I have!” “My wife is alive. I need to be strong for her.” And yet, people in awful situations tell themselves things like this every day.

Then, there are the friends. Within the biblical Book of Job, they are actually at their best in the beginning of the story. That is, they are quiet and don’t say a thing. Later, when they open their mouths, we get them saying shortsighted and ignorant things.

In our quest to make sense of unwanted and unasked for situations, we try to understand what is going on. But not everything is going to make sense. There is a chunk of life that will forever be nonsense to us. And it isn’t our task in this life to figure everything out – namely because there are some things that are well beyond our ever figuring out.

In saying that, it doesn’t mean that I am a nihilist. If you perhaps think that, then maybe you have an inordinate need to know all things and how they work.

Instead, I am pointing out something that may seem simple, in the midst of people’s lives that are incredibly complex with all sorts of strange permutations to them:

  1. If you have been through something life-changing, you need to tell your story to someone. To connect with another person who cares about what you are going through is vital. You cannot live without it.
  2. If your friend has been through something life-changing, you need to listen to their story, without immediate comment or thinking about how to respond. Your caring affect and demeanor is what just may save their life.

This is actually difficult work. Stories can be hard, because life can be hard. Listening is hard, because it hurts to hear another’s pain.

But it is more necessary than you could ever imagine.

As Jesus cried out on the cross, I cry out to you in pain, O God my Creator. Do not forsake me. Grant me relief from this suffering and preserve me in peace; through Jesus Christ my Savior, in the power of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Holding Both Victory and Defeat (2 Samuel 19:1-18)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year BLeave a comment
David mourns the death of Absalom, by Gustave Doré (1832-1883)

Joab was told, “The king is weeping and mourning for Absalom.” And for the whole army the victory that day was turned into mourning, because on that day the troops heard it said, “The king is grieving for his son.” The men stole into the city that day as men steal in who are ashamed when they flee from battle. The king covered his face and cried aloud, “O my son Absalom! O Absalom, my son, my son!”

Then Joab went into the house to the king and said, “Today you have humiliated all your men, who have just saved your life and the lives of your sons and daughters and the lives of your wives and concubines. You love those who hate you and hate those who love you. You have made it clear today that the commanders and their men mean nothing to you. I see that you would be pleased if Absalom were alive today and all of us were dead. Now go out and encourage your men. I swear by the Lord that if you don’t go out, not a man will be left with you by nightfall. This will be worse for you than all the calamities that have come on you from your youth till now.”

So the king got up and took his seat in the gateway. When the men were told, “The king is sitting in the gateway,” they all came before him.

Meanwhile, the Israelites had fled to their homes.

Throughout the tribes of Israel, all the people were arguing among themselves, saying, “The king delivered us from the hand of our enemies; he is the one who rescued us from the hand of the Philistines. But now he has fled the country to escape from Absalom; and Absalom, whom we anointed to rule over us, has died in battle. So why do you say nothing about bringing the king back?”

King David sent this message to Zadok and Abiathar, the priests: “Ask the elders of Judah, ‘Why should you be the last to bring the king back to his palace, since what is being said throughout Israel has reached the king at his quarters? You are my relatives, my own flesh and blood. So why should you be the last to bring back the king?’ And say to Amasa, ‘Are you not my own flesh and blood? May God deal with me, be it ever so severely, if you are not the commander of my army for life in place of Joab.’”

He won over the hearts of the men of Judah so that they were all of one mind. They sent word to the king, “Return, you and all your men.” Then the king returned and went as far as the Jordan.

Now the men of Judah had come to Gilgal to go out and meet the king and bring him across the Jordan. Shimei son of Gera, the Benjamite from Bahurim, hurried down with the men of Judah to meet King David. With him were a thousand Benjamites, along with Ziba, the steward of Saul’s household, and his fifteen sons and twenty servants. They rushed to the Jordan, where the king was. They crossed at the ford to take the king’s household over and to do whatever he wished. (New International Version)

King David learns of Absalom’s death, by Unknown artist, c.1590

King David’s son, Absalom had become a bitter and angry man, especially toward his father. He took his time to build a conspiracy against David, in order to replace him as king. Absalom succeeded in taking Jerusalem.

However, King David escaped with those loyal to him. Although Absalom had the upper hand and could have followed through with overtaking David, a monkey wrench in counsel led to David gaining a fighting chance. It all eventually led to the death of Absalom in battle.

And this is where King David showed yet again the sort of incongruence that, it seems, only a parent can do. His loyal men won the battle, yet Absalom was slain because of Joab, the commander. David’s grief over his son’s loss was palpable; he wept and lamented, despite the great victory that had been achieved against the odds.

Indeed, David experienced the dilemma of being both a father and a king – and it ripped his heart.

Throughout the narratives of David, Joab is presented as a no-nonsense business-like guy. He didn’t have much tolerance for the touchy-feely stuff, and let the king know it. Joab often had a right assessment of things, but conversely, he often spoke and acted in a wrong manner.

Joab essentially picked up a strange parental role of scolding David into facing his present circumstance. The troops needed assurance; and it could only come from the king, whom they were fighting for in the first place.

So, David acquiesced to Joab, and took his public seat, receiving the army as victors. Yet, King David had enough of Joab’s unfeeling shenanigans, and summarily replaced him as commander of the military.

With Absalom dead, and David acting more like a king again, it isn’t long before Israel and Judah receive him back as their king, and take him to Jerusalem to once again rule over the land. David had to discover, yet again, in a new situation what it means to hold both victory and defeat, joy and sorrow, together.

It’s typical for us as biblical readers to ask, “What’s the point of the story?” We tend to like our bottom lines and neat summaries of things. After all, we’re busy people with things to do and people to see. Just give it to me straight, and I’ll go on my merry way.

But Scripture reading doesn’t work like that. It’s not fast food. Scriptural narratives require us to slowly chew on them, to sit with them for a while, and to take the time for reflection, prayer, and listening.

In doing this, we will likely discover that we could read the same story at different times and at various seasons of our lives, and come away with a different “bottom line” in each fresh reading of the text.

This is why I am a committed Bible reader (and thinker!). In some cases, I’ve read the same story hundreds of times. Nearly always, I walk away from the encounter seeing something new or discovering an insight of the text (or myself!) that I had never seen before.

So, these daily Bible reflections are my thoughts of Scripture that I had at a particular time and place. Having said that, I wonder what stirs within you as you read and encounter the story of King David after the death of his son Absalom…

Feel free to share your thoughts.

O Lord, we call upon You in times of both sorrow and joy. Give us the strength and the will to bear our heavy burdens, as well as to wisely carry our manageable ones. In all things, help us feel the warmth and love of Your divine compassion. Amen.

A Sad Family Situation (2 Samuel 14:25-33)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year BLeave a comment
David and Absalom, by Marc Chagall, 1956

In all Israel there was not a man so highly praised for his handsome appearance as Absalom. From the top of his head to the sole of his foot there was no blemish in him. Whenever he cut the hair of his head—he used to cut his hair once a year because it became too heavy for him—he would weigh it, and its weight was two hundred shekels by the royal standard.

Three sons and a daughter were born to Absalom. His daughter’s name was Tamar, and she became a beautiful woman.

Absalom lived two years in Jerusalem without seeing the king’s face. Then Absalom sent for Joab in order to send him to the king, but Joab refused to come to him. So he sent a second time, but he refused to come. Then he said to his servants, “Look, Joab’s field is next to mine, and he has barley there. Go and set it on fire.” So Absalom’s servants set the field on fire.

Then Joab did go to Absalom’s house, and he said to him, “Why have your servants set my field on fire?”

Absalom said to Joab, “Look, I sent word to you and said, ‘Come here so I can send you to the king to ask, “Why have I come from Geshur? It would be better for me if I were still there!”’ Now then, I want to see the king’s face, and if I am guilty of anything, let him put me to death.”

So Joab went to the king and told him this. Then the king summoned Absalom, and he came in and bowed down with his face to the ground before the king. And the king kissed Absalom. (New International Version)

Parents are people, and so, they don’t always make sense. David was both a king and a parent. And those two roles often got mixed and complicated for him.

David’s son Abasalom had killed another son, Amnon, who had sexually assaulted a daughter, Tamar, Abasalom’s sister. Yes, it sounds a lot like a Bible soap opera.

Joab, David’s military general (and cousin) convinces the king to bring Absalom back to Jerusalem, having fled Jerusalem after killing Amnon. And David did so. Yet, he gave an order that Absalom was not to come into his presence, even though David longed for his son.

It was a case of the nonsensical – the parental approach of yearning for an adult child, while at the same time, shunning and shaming them. Indeed, these were incongruent actions on the part of David.

When Tamar was assaulted, David found out and was very angry; yet he neither dealt with Tamar by giving her support and compassion, nor dealt with Amnon in meting out justice.

As for Absalom, David’s feelings for him did not translate into action. It appears the story wants us to see the wide gap between King David’s emotions and actions.

Perhaps the emphasis on Absalom’s sheer beauty is designed to emphasize the incongruence of David – this handsome man is put at arm’s length by his father. Furthermore, this behavior would eventually put David’s royal position in jeopardy.

When guilt and shame are not confronted, it leads to a downward spiral into continued levels of degradation.

The assault of Tamar led to the murder of Amnon, which led to the inactions of David. Everyone ended up responding to someone else’s guilt by adding their own guilt to it. In this scenario, everyone loses something, and there is a lot of unnecessary grief.

Abasalom returned to his hometown of Jerusalem. But everything had changed. He was simply existing. Honestly, Absalom needed something, anything, instead of living day after day in a house without any love or acceptance. Absalom was in that awkward place of wanting either mercy or judgment, acceptance or punishment, because to live in limbo was shrinking him to nothing.

For those who know the story of David and Absalom, you understand where all of this family dysfunction is leading; and it will not end well.

It could be that Jesus had this story in the back of his head when he told the parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15). Perhaps Christ wanted us to see what could happen when a father chooses to respond with actions of grace, acceptance, and undeserved kindness. Even though the son had done something awful and was full of guilt, when he finally made his way home, the father ran to him, embraced him, and accepted him with a blowout party.

We can only wonder what would have happened had David stepped into the situations of his children’s lives when they were going awry. Methinks that had David done so, with his characteristic wisdom and mercy, there would have been a very different outcome in his family.

One way of viewing this story is that the incongruence of King David toward Absalom, with his combination of longing and rejection, was a stubborn passive-aggressive refusal to give his son the grace and love which God had given to him. In light of the story’s eventual end, this view makes a lot of sense.

Yet, this doesn’t have to be the same for you or me in our family relationships today. We can choose to love, instead of inflexibly holding on to a denial of love. One can do all the mental gymnastics of justifying that denial by believing you’re teaching the kid a lesson, or giving them what they deserve, but it’s really, at it’s core, choosing not to love with the love provided by God.

Réconciliation d’Absalom et de David, by Gabriel de Saint-Aubin, 1752

Absalom eventually entered David’s throne room and received a kiss. But it was simply too little, too late. And that’s why, at some point after this, Absalom decided to replace his emotionally and actively distant father as king.

If guilt, shame, evil, and sin go unchecked for too long, it makes for a terrible mess of people’s lives; and usually results in either verbal violence, physical violence, or both.

But it doesn’t have to be that way….

For being quick to see the sins of others, and slow to repent of our own, forgive us, Lord.

For clinging to remembered hurts, and brushing off gestures of kindness, forgive us, Lord.

For the divisions among us that damage our mission to the world, forgive us, Lord.

For the work we have not done because we refused to do it together, forgive us, Lord.

For these and all our sins, O God, we weep in sorrow and ask for your forgiveness, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.