Tag: false self

The Almighty Has Dealt Bitterly with Me (Ruth 1:18-22)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year BLeave a comment
Statue of Ruth and Naomi, by Leonard Baskin (1922-2000)

When Naomi saw that she was determined to go with her, she said no more to her.

So the two of them went on until they came to Bethlehem. When they came to Bethlehem, the whole town was stirred because of them, and the women said, “Is this Naomi?” She said to them,

“Call me no longer Naomi;
    call me Mara,
    for the Almighty has dealt bitterly with me.
I went away full,
    but the Lord has brought me back empty;
why call me Naomi
    when the Lord has dealt harshly with me
    and the Almighty has brought calamity upon me?”

So Naomi returned together with Ruth the Moabite, her daughter-in-law, who came back with her from the country of Moab. They came to Bethlehem at the beginning of the barley harvest. (New Revised Standard Version)

A famine in Judah had brought Naomi and her husband Elimelech to the country of Moab. While there, they had two sons who eventually married two Moabite women: Orpah and Ruth. Over time, each of the husbands died, leaving Naomi and her two daughters-in-law as widows.

Naomi heard that things were finally better in her native Judah. So, she decided to go there, alone. Naomi encouraged her daughters-in-law to remain with their own people and remarry. Orpah did so. Ruth, however, wasn’t having it.

Ruth was determined to stay with her mother-in-law – which meant that she would enter Judah as a foreigner. Despite Naomi’s insistence that Ruth do what is best for herself, Ruth stuck with Naomi.

Once they arrived, the people of Naomi’s hometown were surprised to see the two of them. Naomi was not shy about communicating her bitterness in losing a husband and two sons. She commented that God had turned against her and made her life hard and bitter.

In saying that the Lord had emptied her and brought calamity, Naomi was not speaking against God. Rather, Naomi was expressing some significant theology that has become lost to many modern day Christians around the globe.

Ruth and Naomi, by Morris Nathanson (1927-2022)

I believe that Ruth was not expressing something malevolent about God, but rather made a statement of faithful recognition, not unlike what Job had to say when he lost his family and his health:

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return there; the Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” (Job 1:21, NRSV)

No one can escape the dark side of life. Yet, we can deal with that darkness intelligently. It is most necessary to be aware that light creates a shadow that was not there before. The bigger and brighter the light, the bigger and darker the shadow.

There is a centuries old idiom which says, “You can’t have your cake, and eat it, too!” This is a proverbial way of saying that we cannot expect everything to always be good in this life; we must also accept that we cannot always have our way, and that we will go without, experiencing loss.

Whether we want to acknowledge it, or not, an integral part of life is receiving some bad things from God. The Lord does not just go around dispensing everyone’s wishes and making everything a utopia of unicorns and butterflies.

God is most certainly benevolent; yet God also brings darkness to people. We cannot have the Light of the world without experiencing the world’s darkness. Another way of stating this is that a very big God creates quite a large shadow.

In Christianity, the predominant symbol is the cross. The Cross of Christ is both light and dark. Christians may reflexively associate the cross with salvation from sin, while forgetting that the cross is an instrument of torture and death, a tool of execution, like an electric chair.

We must honor the axis crossing at the center of the cross. It is the place of equilibrium, the place of wholeness, where we have the opportunity of integrating all of that unwanted grief and loss into our lives. Failing to do this, let alone neglecting to acknowledge the shadowy places of our hearts, brings harm and hurt to ourselves and to the world.

Naomi acknowledged the shadow. She accepted the darkness, which enabled her to return to her homeland of Judah, the very place where the God of light and dark is worshiped.

I’m not talking about the sort of darkness that is malevolent and mean-spirited, the darkness which comes from Satan. I’m talking about the darkness which weans us away from all things and the ways that hinder us from knowing God.

This is what St. John of the Cross was referring to in naming the dark night of the soul. In our quest to experience union with God, we journey through the darkness, and learn that purification isn’t simply putting something impure away. Purity of heart comes through joining with the God who is pure love itself.

“In the dark night of the soul, bright flows the river of God.”

St. John of the Cross

God loves us so much as to be nailed to a cross and suffer darkness. The Christian is to take up their cross and follow Jesus. That is, we embrace the darkness with an honest engagement of God and God’s world, and through a vulnerable assessment of our own shadow.

For if we fail to acknowledge our shadow, we shall fail to be in union with God.

Not only do many people disown the parts of themselves they don’t like, but they do the same with God – thus making God into their own image of how God should be, instead of taking God as God is.

If you have ears to hear, take this to heart: To accept and honor your own shadow is a profound and necessary spiritual discipline. By “shadow” I mean all of the characteristics of myself that I withhold from others, so that they will only see what I want them to see.

We often put a false self out into the world, for others to see. It is a sort of psychological clothing we wear, much as we have actual clothing. Whether the clothes are real or metaphorical, we dress ourselves in the particular way we want to be seen.

Naomi was a true Israelite, showing her honest true self. There was no separation or division between the inner self and the self she presented to others.

I tend to think that Naomi knew something about God that many don’t know today – and was therefore able to be faithful to both her people and her God.

It is no wonder, then, that Ruth wanted to remain with her mother-in-law Naomi, who was a real person acknowledging the real God.

Almighty God and Father, maker of heaven and earth, of all that is seen and unseen: You are the God of light who illumines our way. And You are the God of darkness who is shadowed in mystery. In knowing You, may I know myself; and in knowing myself, may I more fully know You. Amen.

I Concede (Job 42:1-6, 10-17)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year BLeave a comment
By Bible Art

Then Job answered the Lord:

“I know that you can do all things
    and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.
‘Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?’
Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand,
    things too wonderful for me that I did not know.
‘Hear, and I will speak;
    I will question you, and you declare to me.’
I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear,
    but now my eye sees you;
therefore I despise myself
    and repent in dust and ashes.”

…And the Lord restored the fortunes of Job when he had prayed for his friends, and the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before. 

Then all his brothers and sisters came to him, and all who had known him before, and they ate bread with him in his house; they showed him sympathy and comforted him for all the evil that the Lord had brought upon him; and each of them gave him a piece of money and a gold ring. 

The Lord blessed the latter days of Job more than his beginning, and he had fourteen thousand sheep, six thousand camels, a thousand yoke of oxen, and a thousand donkeys. He also had seven sons and three daughters. He named the first Jemimah, the second Keziah, and the third Keren-happuch. In all the land there were no women so beautiful as Job’s daughters, and their father gave them an inheritance along with their brothers. 

After this Job lived one hundred and forty years and saw his children and his children’s children, four generations. And Job died, old and full of days. (New Revised Standard Version)

Job is restored, by William Blake (1757-1827)

Job was in awful suffering. He contended with God about it. Job’s friends contended with Job. In the end, God never gave a humanly suitable answer to the problem of suffering. Namely, because we cannot understand the answer, even if it is provided.

Indeed, the gap between God and humanity is quite pronounced. God is the Creator. We are creatures. Yet, God did vindicate Job.

That’s right God affirmed Job – and not Job’s companions. Even though Job did what many a believer in God today believes is wrong, perhaps even sacrilegious or sinful.

Job argued, confronted, grappled with, and even opposed God for the terrible troubles he faced in losing his family, his wealth, and his health. He fully engaged God.

Job’s friends, however, did no such thing. Instead, they argued, confronted, grappled with, and even opposed their friend Job. They fully avoided God.

In the end, Job conceded that he himself knows nothing. Yet, there is still the hint of complaint within him. This is good. Job did not stop engaging God. He remained faithful and devoted.

Let us never believe that faithfulness and devotion to God involves putting up a false front and nice polite piety. Prayer, in truth, is a hard wrestling with God, a struggling and working through all the difficulties of this unfair life.

God is not the least offended by our full, real, and raw engagement of him. But God is offended by avoiding such engagement altogether.

All of us, in reality, speak mostly in ignorance. We talk about things we don’t really understand. The only thing we can be 100% truthful about, however, is ourselves – about how we are really doing, feeling, experiencing, believing, struggling with, etc.

I myself am the true expert on me – and you, the expert on you. And this truth I can bring to God anytime, anywhere. The Book of Job affirms to me that this is the sort of devotion and sacrifice which the Lord is pleased with.

Job gained some knowledge and understanding through personally encountering God. The Lord God almighty, Creator of heaven and earth, actually spoke to Job in a direct revelation of the Divine presence.

This is an affirmation of Job’s integrity. But the godless, disintegrated, and fragmented person cannot see God or expect a personal audience with God.

Through all that Job had been through, he held to his integrity, and held onto God, both at the same time. In the end, he still did not understand why he had to go through such horrible suffering.

English translations of the Hebrew text don’t do it justice. There is always something lost in translation of any language to another. And it seems what is lost here is that Job was perhaps still protesting at the end. Yet, it comes across in English as Job despising and abhorring himself, as if he had done something very wrong.

“I despise myself,” misses the mark. Without getting into some deep grammatical Hebrew waters, I wonder if the phrase might better be rendered, “I protest.” What is meant to be conveyed is that Job still acknowledges what he originally held onto. Namely, that he has done nothing wrong, did not deserve what he went through, yet has never rejected God, nor lost faith in God.

Job did not need to repent of some secret sin, as his friends supposed. Job repenting does not mean because of sin; Job’s repentance was a change of position from mourner and complainer, to accepting the situation as it is, without answers.

So, this brings us back to the beginning of the book. God is God. There are celestial forces and operations in play we know nothing about. Humans are not God. Humans are never going to get most of what is happening in this world. And humans will inevitably experience hard and bad things – and not know why.

No answers given. No change of situation (yet). But Job changed. He changed his mind about how to live with what he was experiencing. He relinquished his complaint, and decided to keep living, even though he did not get answers.

Honestly, this response of Job is more consistent with my own experience of awful suffering, and more faithful to the text of Scripture. Much like Jacob wrestling with the angel, Job had to finally concede and relent, and continue on his life journey, come what may.

Following Job’s intercession for his friends, God restored Job to wealth and family. A significant piece of this restoration was Job’s wider community of friends and family who gathered around him, giving Job the consolation and comfort that the three “friends” in the book did not provide.

The community cared for Job, not through nice theological phrases, but with genuine fellowship. They shared together around the table, the community giving both a meal and contributing monetary gifts for Job’s needs.

The Book of Job ends, perhaps with as many, or more, questions than when it started. Answers, however, are not the point.

Rather, Job’s incredible and awful experience of suffering and redemption becomes an invitation for you and me to have a more expansive view of what a relationship with the living God truly looks like.

May God bless you with discomfort
At easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships,
So that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger
At injustice, oppression and exploitation of people,
So that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless you with tears
To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger, and war,
So that you may reach out your hand to comfort them
And turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness
To believe that you can make a difference in the world,
So that you can do what others claim cannot be done
To bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor. Amen.

Be Honest (Job 42:7-9)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year BLeave a comment
Job’s Sacrifice, by William Blake (1757-1827)

After the Lord had finished speaking to Job, he said to Eliphaz, “I am angry with you and your two friends, because you did not speak the truth about me, the way my servant Job did. Now take seven bulls and seven rams to Job and offer them as a sacrifice for yourselves. Job will pray for you, and I will answer his prayer and not disgrace you the way you deserve. You did not speak the truth about me as he did.”

Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar did what the Lord had told them to do, and the Lord answered Job’s prayer. (Good News Translation)

After all of Job’s terrible trouble in losing everything and everyone he cared about; after all of the longwinded speeches of his supposed friends; and after God’s breaking of silence through unanswerable questions; the epilogue of the story brings us God’s verdict concerning Job and his situation.

God finally dispenses his assessment, and renders his judgment. The Lord was not at all happy with Job’s companions; and was pleased with Job. Therefore, God made a decision against the companions, and for Job.

Four times in three verses, God refers to Job as “my servant,” but does not describe the friends as such. It is Job, and not Job’s friends, who spoke truth. Only Job spoke words consistent with reality.

At best, the friends spoke unhelpful words. At the worst, their words were hurtful and full of hubris. In retrospect, they probably should have at least kept their mouths shut. And ideally, they could have been true comforters, and consoled Job in his agony.

This gets at something which I believe we all need to get a firm hold upon: Not extending help, mercy, and consolation to those in dire straits, pisses-off God.

It irks God because it is a misrepresentation of God’s basic character, and distorts God’s true nature.

Being dishonest and pretending to be okay when one is not…

telling someone who is hurting to suck it up and confess their sin…

believing that the world operates according to good guys getting health and wealth, and bad guys getting sickness and poverty…

downright angers the holy and merciful God of the universe.

Job, unlike the Three Stooges he had as friends, affirmed what is right and true:

  • God is the Sovereign of the universe who dispenses both good and bad (Job 2:10)
  • God is the One who gives and who takes away (Job 1:21)
  • God is the Lord to whom we must bow in willing submission (Job 42:5-6)

In the dialogue with his friends, Job rightly insisted that God is sometimes an enemy, and that God’s inexplicable silence and absence is unjust and destructive.

I don’t want you to easily pass over what I just referred to, or to flip-out over it. In truth, God is both present and absent. And God’s absence hurts. Sometimes, it hurts like hell. We must affirm that God is sometimes silent. There are times when it feels like God is on vacation and is paying no attention.

I want you to get ahold of this important dimension to the spiritual life:

Human pretentions and posturing only present a false self to God and the world. That sort of behavior angers God. The Lord wants honest vulnerability.

Whereas Job’s friends insisted on maintaining theological respectability and an ordered theological system, Job essentially said, “To hell with all that!”

And Job was right.

Job contended with God. He cried, yelled, and exposed his innermost thoughts and feelings to God. Job was real. No phoniness existed with him. Yet, Job did not forsake God, curse God, or say there was no God.

The genuine spiritual life is always a tricky and risky combination of devotion and confrontation toward God.

Job presented his true self to God.

Job’s friends presented to God what they believed God wanted to see and hear.

There is a big difference between those two approaches.

God affirmed Job. God was against Job’s friends.

Maybe today it is necessary to rethink what you have always believed it is which gets God’s affirmation, and what raises God’s ire.

If we cannot be honest about what we are really thinking, and about how we are really doing, then we are hopeless people. In that state, no one can help us. And God is not pleased.

The final verdict of God is that only the prayers of one who speaks truth, like Job, will be effectively heard. Less honest prayers, like those of Job’s wife and friends, are foolish and ineffective.

One of the big overall messages of the Book of Job is this: For God’s sake, be honest!

My own culture is one of Midwest nice. That’s a nice way of saying that Midwesterners are mostly dishonest creatures. Every Midwesterner I know, understands being nice and polite to someone’s face, and then speaking gossip and slander to their back.

Ask any Midwestern American how they are doing, and they’ll tell you, “Just fine,” or “Great!” or “The sun is shining,” or some other deflection or blathering lie about how they are really doing. More than once, I have actually heard a depressed person with suicidal ideation tell another person that they are “doing fine today.”

That sort of claptrap gets us nowhere, especially with God. The Lord is okay with you and I telling him what we really think, even if we are extremely upset with God. God isn’t bothered by our anger, yelling, or messed-up thinking. But God is bothered by our pretending, our dishonesty, and our false presentations.

None of this means that we must wear our heart on our sleeve. In fact, I have found that persons who declare to me that they “tell it like it is,” are some of the most false people on the planet. It’s usually a sign that I’m not going to get from them how they are really feeling. It usually means they’re angry, and want to talk smack against someone, without ever examining themselves.

Don’t be a jerk. There are nice jerks, and obnoxious jerks, but in the end, they’re all just jerks. You and I really can speak honest words of truth, without being a jerk about it.

Job was honest, real, raw, hurt, angry, sad, lonely, and grieving out of his mind. And he was no jerk. And God affirmed him.

Personally, I’d rather have God’s affirmation than anyone else’s. How about you?

Almighty God, help us to speak and act truthfully in all situations. May we be honest with ourselves and with others, building trust and integrity in our relationships. Thank you for your example of truth and honesty. Help us to follow in your footsteps and to live with authenticity.

Guide us to be honest even when it is difficult, recognizing that honesty is the foundation of trust and respect. Help us to confront our own falsehoods and to seek the truth in all aspects of our lives. May we create environments where honesty is valued and encouraged, fostering open and transparent communication.

We pray for those who struggle with honesty, asking for your guidance and support in their journey towards truthfulness. Thank you for the clarity and peace that comes from living honestly. Help us to embrace and uphold this value every day. Amen.

Living Bread from Heaven (John 6:51-58)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year BLeave a comment
Art by Nigel Wynter (1957-2024)

I am the living bread that came down from heaven. Whoever eats of this bread will live forever, and the bread that I will give for the life of the world is my flesh.”

The Jews then disputed among themselves, saying, “How can this man give us his flesh to eat?” 

So Jesus said to them, “Very truly, I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Those who eat my flesh and drink my blood have eternal life, and I will raise them up on the last day, for my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink. Those who eat my flesh and drink my blood abide in me and I in them. Just as the living Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so whoever eats me will live because of me. This is the bread that came down from heaven, not like that which the ancestors ate, and they died. But the one who eats this bread will live forever.” (New Revised Standard Version)

To the religious leaders of Christ’s day, Jesus was making more noise than a couple of skeletons dancing on a tin roof. And they neither liked it, nor appreciated him drawing so much attention to himself.

Tensions had been escalating between Jesus and the religious establishment. The atmosphere was thick with grumbling leaders, as they tried to make some sense of Christ’s words to them.

Jesus offering his body for people to eat was causing far too much noise for the Jewish leaders. What in the world is this guy talking about?

Rather than making the meaning clear for them, Jesus added drinking his blood to the discussion. What’s more, Christ got up in their grill and confronted them with a choice, instead of a straightforward explanation.

Using some good old double negative language, Jesus flatly stated that there’s no life without any eating of his flesh and drinking of his blood. Then conversely, stated positively, Jesus affirmed that eternal life is found in those who eat his flesh and drink his blood.

This was next level communication of Jesus to the religious leaders. Earlier, Christ let them know that they needed to make the choice of coming to himself, of engaging in a life-giving relationship with him.

Yet now, it’s a matter of outright participation in Jesus, of eating and drinking the body and blood of Christ. Both the choice of relationship and of participation are radical decisions, which requires ditching some old traditions, and beginning some new ones.

Christ’s words are difficult, because they demand a change in thinking and behavior. Indeed, his words demand a change in our very way of being.

Christian discipleship requires that we stop the false ways of being in this world, and start a different way of being, according to the true self. In other words, Jesus was insisting on repentance and faith.

We are all on the hook to not just talk some theology and take some communion elements. It’s a lot more involved than that. Jesus demands our very lives, and not simply to sign off on some doctrinal statement about him. It’s about life itself, the power of life and death.

By eating and drinking Christ, there is meaningful relational connection, and ongoing participation in his life and ministry.

None of this is about literal cannibalism, and not even about actual bread and wine. This is deep metaphorical stuff which is meant to convey to us who Jesus is and how we can be related to him.

When we ingest food and drink, it goes into us and throughout our entire body. You cannot get much closer to something than by eating it and having it inside you. Just as eating bread goes to our very core and helps sustain life, so ingestingJesus is about allowing him to be as close to us as possible, into the very depths of our soul.

And by taking Christ into us, we will truly live and connect; and not be separated and die.

Art by Soiche Watanabe

We can no more spiritually live without taking Jesus into us, as we could live without eating on a regular basis. Christ is our breakfast, lunch, and dinner; our midnight snack and our birthday cake. Jesus is all that, and more.

Perhaps you are wondering why Jesus didn’t just state plainly who he is, why he came, and what will happen. Because it’s too much to handle.

We don’t simply accept Jesus into our heart, and then go on our merry way. Jesus Christ is someone to search for and discover, as if we were looking for fresh water or for the best baguette in the world.

Anyone can affirm a few belief statements, or do some good deeds. But it takes real courage to go hard after the spiritual life and find out what it’s all about:

It requires some solid bravery to explore the depths of your own true self and face the internal crud that’s been hiding in the shadows of your soul.

It demands identifying the bogus ways we prop up a false self for others to see – wanting to control how people view us and treat us.

It takes some real chutzpah to pursue the God life without worrying about where it will take you or who it will upset.

Jesus is a force to contend with. He is the Son of God, sent from above, to provide the world with real spiritual food and drink. Christ is the one who sustains life, and makes abundance possible. He is the Lord who speaks, calls out, and draws us to himself.

Jesus Christ helps us fit, even though we come from the island of misfit toys.

Even more pertinent than the question of “Who is Jesus?” is the probing question, “And what will you do with him?”

Christ cannot fit into your neat theological system, your tidy doctrinal statements, and on your nicely cleaned coffee table within the attractive Bible. Sooner or later, we all must contend with the divine force which gives life to everything. We cannot get away from him.

So, go after Jesus. Find out who he is. Determine how to deal with a mercy so powerful that it melts away guilt and shame as if it were in a 500 degree oven. After all, it’s better to have a tasty loaf of bread than to become a hard slice of burnt toast.

But let’s not worry about how hot it is in here, but how noisy it’s getting.

Gracious Lord, move us, your people, to experience your love more deeply. Fill us with the energy that comes from a desire for service. Connect us with creation to care for your world. Engage us in the scriptures and increase our knowledge of you. Raise up your power and come among us. May your bountiful grace and mercy equip us. Amen.