Tag: empathy

Some Relational Wisdom (Proverbs 25:1-28)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year BLeave a comment

Here are some more
    of Solomon’s proverbs.
They were copied by the officials
    of King Hezekiah of Judah.
God is praised
    for being mysterious;
rulers are praised
    for explaining mysteries.
Who can fully understand
    the thoughts of a ruler?
They reach beyond the sky
    and go deep in the earth.

Silver must be purified
before it can be used
    to make something of value.
Evil people must be removed
before anyone can rule
    with justice.

Don’t try to seem important
    in the court of a ruler.
It’s better for the ruler
    to give you a high position
than for you to be embarrassed
    in front of royal officials.
Be sure you are right
    before you sue someone,
or you might lose your case
    and be embarrassed.

When you and someone else
can’t get along,
    don’t gossip about it.
Others will find out,
and your reputation
    will then be ruined.

The right word
    at the right time
is like precious gold
    set in silver.
Listening to good advice
is worth much more
    than jewelry made of gold.
A messenger you can trust
is just as refreshing
    as cool water in summer.
Broken promises
are worse than rain clouds
    that don’t bring rain.
Patience and gentle talk
can convince a ruler
    and overcome any problem.

Eating too much honey
    can make you sick.
Don’t visit friends too often,
or they will get tired of it
    and start hating you.
Telling lies about friends
    is like attacking them
with clubs and swords
    and sharp arrows.
A friend you can’t trust
    in times of trouble
is like having a toothache
    or a sore foot.
Singing to someone
    in deep sorrow
is like pouring vinegar
    in an open cut.

If your enemies are hungry,
    give them something to eat.
And if they are thirsty,
give them something
    to drink.
This will be the same
as piling burning coals
    on their heads.
And the Lord
    will reward you.
As surely as rain blows in
    from the north,
anger is caused
    by cruel words.
It’s better to stay outside
    on the roof of your house
than to live inside
    with a nagging wife.

Good news from far away
refreshes like cold water
    when you are thirsty.
When a good person gives in
    to the wicked,
it’s like dumping garbage
    in a stream of clear water.
Don’t eat too much honey
    or always want praise.
Losing self-control
leaves you as helpless
    as a city without a wall. (Contemporary English Version)

The wise sayings in this chapter of the Book of Proverbs have to do with relational topics such as: relating to a leader; relating to others; and relating to oneself (self-control).

Relating To a Leader

When it comes to relating to any sort of leader above us, it is best to avoid arrogance and embrace humility.

Whether we realize it, or not, or like it, or not, leaders have a perspective that others don’t. They see the big picture of what is happening, and ideally, make wise decisions based upon all the factors and people involved.

This means that we are not always, maybe not even usually, going to understand what a leader or ruler is doing. This is why it is so important for leaders themselves to consult and collaborate with others, and choose wisely.

Humility isn’t only for followers, it is just as much, perhaps even more, necessary for the leader. Making decisions in a vacuum, or just trusting in one’s own counsel, usually doesn’t work out well. Everyone has character flaws, yet a leader’s flaws, weaknesses, and sins can stick out rather easily to others.

That doesn’t mean, however, that anyone has a right to believe they themselves can do a better job, or know more about how to lead, or have all the information. Because they don’t.

The ways of God are mysterious because it is a very big picture that only the Lord sees. And there are a lot of moving parts and people to all of God’s choices and movements in this world.

The important part, for us, is to recognize the goodness and wisdom of God, and to trust that the Lord – as the God of Love – always does what is right, just, and good, even though it may not always seem that way.

Relating To Others

When it comes to how we generally relate to our fellow humanity, we are to show some empathy and deference. The ability to put yourself in another’s shoes is quite important and necessary, in order to relate well to others.

In failing to do this, and only thinking of oneself, we end up overstaying a welcome from someone who was thinking of us; or not paying attention that my morning blessing feels more like a curse to the night owl; or sharing some juicy tidbit of information that isn’t ours to share, so that others listen and pay attention to me.

Today, in this day and age, many persons fail to think of others when they are driving. Far too many people drive as if they own the road, and as if the traffic laws don’t apply to them. If they think of another driver at all, it’s only to curse them for hindering their ability to get to where they want to go.

Relating to Self

In contrast to all of that, we ourselves are to practice self-control and choose to live differently. Instead of cursing, we bless; and rather than selfishness, we practice selflessness.

If we would but all learn to exercise kindness over revenge, our world would be a very different place than it is today. And if we would but choose to speak the truth in love, rather than tell lies in hate or indifference, then there would be a lot less harm and hurt in this old fallen world.

By practicing self-control, we stop the cycle of hate, injustice, and unkindness. But if we choose the path of escalating verbal and/or physical violence, then this only leaves us vulnerable to harm. And it may open a way of having those you care about be harmed, as well.

I myself am the only person I’m in control of. And so I choose to:

  • be honest, trustworthy, and let God provide the judgment and justice needed for others
  • consider others, and think before talking
  • listen to wise counsel, and not entertain the manipulative words of the foolish
  • walk the patient path of wisdom

O God, grant me the wisdom I need in all my relationships. Help me recognize when things may be unsafe. I pray your protection over me and my family when we feel vulnerable. Thank you for having the power to heal broken relationships. Amen.

Pass Along Values (1 Kings 2:1-11)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year BLeave a comment
David’s Dying Charge to Solomon, by Ferdinand Bol (1616-1680)

David’s time was coming to an end. So he commanded Solomon his son, “I’m following the path that the whole earth takes. Be strong and be a man. Guard what is owed to the Lord your God, walking in his ways and observing his laws, his commands, his judgments, and his testimonies, just as it is written in the Instruction from Moses.

“In this way you will succeed in whatever you do and wherever you go. So also the Lord will confirm the word he spoke to me: ‘If your children will take care to walk before me faithfully, with all their heart and all their being, then one of your own children will never fail to be on the throne of Israel.’ 

“You should know what Joab, Zeruiah’s son, has done to me and what he did to the two generals of Israel, Abner, Ner’s son, and Amasa, Jether’s son. He murdered them, spilling blood at peacetime and putting the blood of war on the belt around his waist and on the sandals on his feet. So act wisely: Don’t allow him to die a peaceful death. 

“As for Barzillai’s sons from Gilead, show them kindness. Let them eat with you. When I was running away from your brother Absalom, they came to me. 

“Now as for this Shimei, Gera’s son—a Benjaminite from Bahurim—who is with you, he cursed me viciously when I went to Mahanaim. When he came down to meet me at the Jordan, I swore to him by the Lord, ‘Surely I won’t execute you with the sword.’ But you don’t need to excuse him. You are wise and know what to do to him. Give him a violent death.”

Then David lay down with his ancestors and was buried in David’s City. He ruled over Israel forty years—seven years in Hebron and thirty-three years in Jerusalem. (Common English Bible)

David

On David’s deathbed, he ensured that his son Solomon would be king. And David had some pragmatic advice to pass along, before he himself passed away.

Along with an encouragement to remain faithful to God’s covenant stipulations, David communicated some personal scores to Solomon that needed to be settled. Old general Joab, as well as Shimei, a servant from Saul’s old house, were threats to the new king’s reign in Israel and Judah.

Joab and Shimei

King David had a complicated relationship with Joab. At issue for David was the murder of two opponents to the king. Joab had killed them in a time of peace, and not because of a wartime situation.

On top of that, Joab had thrown his lot in with Adonijah, Solomon’s half-brother, who had tried to wriggle onto the throne before David was even gone.

And then there was the character Shimei. He had cursed David repeatedly when yet another half-brother to Solomon, Absalom, engaged in a coup attempt against his father.

Once the threat had passed, Shimei made a quick about face back to David. The king told Shimei that he would not kill him. But with Solomon, David communicated that he was completely free to do what needed to be done with the old rascal Shimei.

Fathers

Ideally, all fathers would have the chance to communicate to their children at the end of their lives. Yet, having been at the bedside of many a father in my work as a hospital chaplain, I’ve not seen many who pass along wisdom and instructions on their deathbed.

Fortunately, there are times when I can help facilitate the conversation between father and family. Yet, unfortunately, there are far too many times when fathers simply die with no loved ones present; or they badger someone to promise to stop doing something.

Rare, however, are the experiences of expressing some sound instruction, along with instructions about how to deal with life.

I realize that wills and documents do much of this work nowadays, yet I still argue that face-to-face communication which reinforces one’s values is always a good idea – especially at the end of one’s life.

Honestly, nobody really needs to wait until they are nearly gone to communicate important values and sage advice to loved ones. It can be done now, before it’s too late.

I’m talking about more than healthcare decisions for the actual end of life situation – but about the grace, forgiveness, wisdom, and/or moral values one wants their loved ones to know; or to reinforce those things that are of upmost importance.

It seems to me that thinking through the following values, and how to communicate them, can be done now, and, if appropriate and possible, at the end of one’s life:

Empathy

Treat others with compassion and understanding. Practice kindness. Consider the emotions of others. Seek to understand another’s point of view. Encourage family members to talk about their feelings. 

Therefore, as God’s choice, holy and loved, put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. (Colossians 3:12, CEB)

Relationships

In the end, the only thing permanent and enduring is relationships. We cannot take any of our stuff with us. Prioritize time with people, especially family. It only makes sense to value loved ones by putting our time into them.

Be happy with those who are happy, and cry with those who are crying. Consider everyone as equal, and don’t think that you’re better than anyone else. (Romans 12:15-16, CEB)

Honesty

Telling the truth is not always easy, but it’s essential to maintaining trust between people. Life requires knowing and living by the truth.

“You are truly my disciples if you remain faithful to my teaching. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:31-32, CEB)

Love

Deep affection and attachment connects people and keeps them together. It’s important to verbally express love, as well as to demonstrate it with actions.

Don’t be in debt to anyone, except for the obligation to love each other. Whoever loves another person has fulfilled the Law. (Romans 13:8, CEB)

Commitment

Support one another in difficult times; and do not intentionally harm each other. Don’t shame your family for mistakes they’ve made. Instead, express loyalty and encouragement.

Be the best in this work of grace in the same way that you are the best in everything, such as faith, speech, knowledge, total commitment, and the love we inspired in you. (2 Corinthians 8:7, CEB)

Respect

Treat everyone, and especially family members, with the upmost care and politeness; and discourage disrespectful words and offensive behavior.

Submit to each other out of respect for Christ. (Ephesians 5:21, CEB)

Perseverance

Your family will face many complex challenges in the years ahead. Encourage them to embrace shared goals, practice self-care, and patiently work together in order to overcome obstacles. 

We even take pride in our problems, because we know that trouble produces endurance, endurance produces character, and character produces hope. (Romans 5:3-4, CEB)

It is always open season on passing along wise and good values, no matter whether it’s in a calm or a calamitous season of life.

Almighty God, enable me to be mindful of your mercy and happy to do your will. Bless my family with honest work, sound learning, and good manners. Save us all from violence, division, and confusion; and from pride and arrogance, and all evil. Protect us, and keep us united.

Grant Your wisdom to all in positions of authority and influence, so that there may be justice and peace at home, and obedience and submission everywhere. In times of prosperity, fill our hearts with grace and gratitude, and in times of trouble, help us trust in Your divine justice, righteousness, and goodness; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. 

A Ruler for the Good of the People (2 Samuel 5:11-16)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year BLeave a comment
King David, by Sefira Lightstone

King Hiram of Tyre sent some officials to David. Carpenters and stone workers came with them, and they brought cedar logs so they could build David a palace.

David knew that the Lord had made him king of Israel and that he had made him a powerful ruler for the good of his people.

After David left Hebron and moved to Jerusalem, he married many women from Jerusalem, and he had a lot of children. His sons who were born there were Shammua, Shobab, Nathan, Solomon, Ibhar, Elishua, Nepheg, Japhia, Elishama, Eliada, and Eliphelet. (Contemporary English Version)

Once David became ruler of a united kingdom – Israel and Judah – he established the capital in a central place between the two (much like how Washington D.C. was built at a geographical juncture between North and South of the United States).

The Jebusites were firmly lodged within Jerusalem. Yet, with a good deal of ingenuity, David and his men found a way into the formidable stronghold of Jerusalem and took it. It then became the City of David. (2 Samuel 5:8-10)

King David has the spiritual sense to understand that the Lord was with him; and that his own greatness was directly tied to the greatness of God. The Lord is concerned for the divine/human covenant, and for the glory of Israel and Judah. David did not believe that his success was in any way tied to his own personal skills or abilities.

In light of David’s spiritual stance, it seems a bit strange that today’s text then turns to David’s response of taking more women as wives in Jerusalem. The text also lets us know that David established diplomatic ties with Tyre and worked toward building a royal palace in the new capital.

Typically, Old Testament stories don’t give us explicit moral commentary, telling us what is good and what is bad. Sometimes they inform us of people’s motives, but usually not. So, what was David up to, and why was he doing it? The story invites us to offer up an answer from our own consideration. So, here’s mine…

All of us do the best we can, with what we know at the time. That’s why it is so important to be continually cultivating and nurturing a life of wisdom.

Most things in life don’t have ready-made answers for us. David certainly didn’t Google how to capture Jerusalem, or how to establish a kingdom. He instead had a lifetime of walking with God, learning God’s law, and experiences which God brought him through. And that is exactly what all of us need to do for just about everything.

If you and I were in David’s shoes, within his culture of the ancient world, we might very well do what he did by marrying up and bringing political stability to a new united kingdom that was surrounded by non-Jewish nations.

King David, by Adamo Tadolini, on the Colonna dell’Immacolata, Rome, Italy

Trusting the Lord doesn’t mean that we become passive; it isn’t a let go and let God attitude. Faith requires actively pursuing justice and righteousness for the good of everyone. It takes creativity and a wise mind, a compassionate heart, and a well-attuned sense of one’s own gut.

This approach to life indeed requires a lifetime of learning, growing, and experiencing new things. The following are some ways of developing the experiential knowledge that we understand as wisdom:

Pursue and be open to new experiences

If you don’t like the experience you’re having, create a new one. David was open to following God and engaging in whatever new experiences required fulfilling the will of God. To keep growing as an individual, it’s important to explore unfamiliar and sometimes uncomfortable things; those experiences can teach us how to be more humble and honest, which is especially important for leaders.

Show empathy and be compassionate

This was at the heart of David’s rule as king. He showed steadfast love and commitment to Israel and Judah. Yes, he was a man of war, and did his share of soldiering. And, at the same time, David valued life and went out of his way to show mercy.

After becoming king, instead of wiping out all of King Saul’s family (as was custom for many kings in the Ancient Middle East) David looked for anyone in the family of Jonathan (Saul’s son) to which he could show kindness to (2 Samuel 9:1). There is no path to wisdom that doesn’t go through the land of compassion.

Don’t be afraid to fail

Growth in wisdom usually comes from messing up. How we respond to failure and/or imperfection influences our decision-making and problem-solving skills. A significant part of self-development is learning how not to repeat mistakes. But to do that, you have to make them first.

David made plenty of mistakes, and even outright sinned in ways that effected all Israel and Judah. Yet, he learned his lessons by turning away from the mistakes (repentance) and moving forward (faith).

Ask for help when you need it

A wise person doesn’t have all the answers. They are wise because they know when to consult others and ask for resources. David always had counselors in his court who he knew could give him sage advice whenever he needed it.

Mentor others

One of the best ways of learning and developing wisdom is by coming alongside others and helping them become successful in life. This is one of the main reasons I enjoy teaching and discipling others – so that I can learn from the process, and from the people I mentor. Since David was attuned to this, Israel and Judah had the wisest king in history, his son, King Solomon.

Wisdom is a virtue that goes beyond knowledge. Wisdom is really the study of life. And only by wisdom’s experiential understanding can we make effective changes, influence others, and please God. David was a king for the good of the people.

O God, by whom the meek are guided in judgment, and light rises up in darkness for the godly: Grant us, in all our doubts and uncertainties, the grace to ask what you would have us to do, so that the Spirit of wisdom may save us from all false choices, and that in your light we may see light, and in your straight path, we may not stumble. Amen.

Confronting Spiritual and Emotional Pain (Psalm 79)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year BLeave a comment
The Scream, by Edvard Munch, (1863-1944)

God! Barbarians have broken into your home,
    violated your holy temple,
    left Jerusalem a pile of rubble!
They’ve served up the corpses of your servants
    as carrion food for birds of prey,
Threw the bones of your holy people
    out to the wild animals to gnaw on.
They dumped out their blood
    like buckets of water.
All around Jerusalem, their bodies
    were left to rot, unburied.
We’re nothing but a joke to our neighbors,
    graffiti scrawled on the city walls.

How long do we have to put up with this, God?
    Do you have it in for us for good?
    Will your smoldering rage never cool down?
If you’re going to be angry, be angry
    with the pagans who care nothing about you,
    or your rival kingdoms who ignore you.
They’re the ones who ruined Jacob,
    who wrecked and looted the place where he lived.

Don’t blame us for the sins of our parents.
    Hurry up and help us; we’re at the end of our rope.
You’re famous for helping; God, give us a break.
    Your reputation is on the line.
Pull us out of this mess, forgive us our sins—
    do what you’re famous for doing!
Don’t let the heathen get by with their sneers:
    “Where’s your God? Is he out to lunch?”
Go public and show the godless world
    that they can’t kill your servants and get by with it.

Give groaning prisoners a hearing;
    pardon those on death row from their doom—you can do it!
Give our jeering neighbors what they’ve got coming to them;
    let their God-taunts boomerang and knock them flat.
Then we, your people, the ones you love and care for,
    will thank you over and over and over.
We’ll tell everyone we meet
    how wonderful you are, how praiseworthy you are! (The Message)

The temple was destroyed. The conquering army gloats over their victory. That’s the context of today’s psalm. It’s a prayer, an angry cry for God to step in and act on behalf of the humiliated people. The prayer is more than a simple plea for help; it’s a deeply passionate appeal, that says in 1960’s terms, “God, stick it to the man!”

In the face of evil, when there is destruction all around and violence everywhere, prayer does not become some sort of polite knock at the side door of God’s house. Instead, prayer is a pounding on the front door with a demand for God to do something about this terrible trouble.

For the psalmist, the incongruence between who God is and what has happened to God’s people is inconceivable and unacceptable. To profane God’s temple is to profane God; and to kill and maim God’s people is to flip the middle finger at God. The psalmist is beside himself and overwhelmed with emotion.

There is something very instructive here that we ought not miss. When we have been brutalized, victimized, and/or demoralized, we just want someone, especially the Lord we serve, to take notice and feel what we are feeling. Never underestimate the power of empathy and solidarity. To feel alone and bereft of help is an awful feeling.

Perhaps the psalmist’s prayer offends some sensibilities. I wonder, for those who find the language difficult, have ever had a daughter raped, or a house destroyed by fire, or seen a person killed without mercy in front of their own eyes. Methinks they have not. The feelings of helpless despair and sheer anger defy human words. These are not casual affronts; they are malicious destructions of property and people.

We need someone to affirm the raw ruthlessness of it all, to have some understanding of the impossible place we are in, with having to deal with such wanton cruelty. When our very support is ripped from our lives, the madness within is too much to bear. Who will rescue us from this body of death?

God is big enough to handle our rage and our hurt. The Lord is available and hears our desperate voice of prayer. Yet, God is not always going to directly and immediately answer on the terms we stipulate. God acts out of God’s own providence and justice, and not from our expectations. And that is a good thing, not a bad thing.

God sees. The Lord knows. And the Sovereign of the universe feels it all with us. The realization of this divine empathy enables us to recenter and reorient ourselves around faith, hope, and love. New life is never a gift in a vacuum; it comes out of agonizing struggle in having to reckon with the existence of evil.

So, when someone goes through a hellish experience, let us exercise our capacity to listen and witness the horrible spiritual pain of the person. Healing hurts: it is not a pleasant affair. So, hang in there and walk alongside another in their hour of need, even when their vitriol seems over the top to us. For only in telling our story to another will any of us find relief and renewed hope.

The biblical psalms permit us to use language appropriate to what has happened. They also allow us to move beyond the venom to the God who restores broken lives.

Lord Jesus Christ, by your patience in suffering you hallowed earthly pain and gave us the example of obedience to your Father’ will: Be near me in my time of weakness and pain; sustain me by your grace, that my strength and courage may not fail; heal me according to you will; and help me always to believe that what happens to me here is of little account if you hold me in eternal life.

My Lord and my God, as Jesus cried out on the cross, I cry out to you in pain, O God my Creator and Sustainer. Do not forsake me. Grant me relief from this suffering and preserve me in peace, through Jesus Christ my Savior, in the power of the Holy Spirit. Amen.