Tag: anxiety

The Severe Mercy of the Easy Yoke (Matthew 11:16-19, 25-30)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year ALeave a comment
The Burden of Christ, a sculpture of Jesus Christ, in the Oratoire Saint-Joseph, Montreal, Quebec, Canada

“But to what will I compare this generation? It is like children sitting in the marketplaces and calling to one another,

‘We played the flute for you, and you did not dance;
    we wailed, and you did not mourn.’

“For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, ‘He has a demon’; the Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Look, a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’ Yet wisdom is vindicated by her deeds….”

At that time Jesus said, “I thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and the intelligent and have revealed them to infants; yes, Father, for such was your gracious will.All things have been handed over to me by my Father, and no one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and anyone to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition)

Exchanging one yoke for another is really a rather radical act. It is akin to dying to self, so that there can be new life in Christ.

In our anxiety-laden society, filled with multiple fears, worries, and frustrations, we are being invited by Jesus to lay it all down. In other words, every one of us must unequivocably die to self.

Perhaps this might best be illustrated by expressing my own struggle with the pharisaical yoke and the Jesus yoke:

A year-and-a-half ago, I abruptly had to leave my job as a hospital chaplain due to deteriorating health. I am now retired, not because I chose retirement, but because retirement chose me.

So, for the past eighteen months, I have struggled with this reality of no longer being a Chaplain. As hard as I thought and pondered, I’ve gained no understanding as to why I am no longer serving patients, their families, and hospital staff.

What’s more, I have no insight as to why – during my tenure as Chaplain – I experienced an awful time with a gaslighting boss for three of those years. This boss continually made nonsensical decisions, and defied any understanding, even though I sought it out. (I might add that it is super-creepy that the current U.S. President is so eerily like the former boss, as if I’m still under the abuse!).

If I was a good Chaplain doing good work (which I believe I was) then why was I treated so oppressively? Why did my employer turn a blind-eye to it all? Why would God almighty sideline me in such a loathsome health situation. Why must I keep experiencing the awful effects of incompetent political leadership? Why all of the nonsense? It is a terrible yoke for me to carry.

Likely, none of this has to do with me needing to understand any of it. It could be that it is more akin to Abraham being told to sacrifice the son of the promise, Isaac.

It was a completely nonsensical command from God. It defied any sort of understanding on Abraham’s part. And yet he quietly obeyed, with the text of Genesis 22 telling us nothing about any talk-back nor questioning from Abraham. Only obedience. It appears that Abraham was able to exchange yokes, from the oppressive one to the easy one.

In telling Abraham to sacrifice his son, the real death taking place was Abraham’s, not Isaac’s. Abraham was to die to anything that may compete or be likened to some sort of idolatry before God. For even the very good things, like families and jobs, can become idolatrous to us.

I don’t know about your situation, but maybe for me the point is that I must allow the old life to die, and to let a new life grow out of it. Maybe it’s time for a change of yokes. After all, one cannot have a new resurrected life without first experiencing a crucifying death to the old life.

Death is an integral part of life. To exchange yokes is to experience a death. I’ve wanted badly to return to chaplaincy in the hospital. But I am being commanded to sacrifice it on the altar of God. I am being told to die to myself, so that I may live a new life to God.

Any sort of mere earthly hope must die within us, that an unselfish and godly hope may arise anew. And that happens when we deliberately switch-out one yoke for another.

Chaplain Tim, in a way, is dead. I now accept that which is already true of me. It is a death to self. And I am now patiently awaiting my resurrection.

I do not understand this weird liminal space I’m inhabiting; and I need not understand it. I’m deprived of the object of my former job. And so, I let go of it. I will cling no longer to the old life.

What I seem to be currently experiencing is a severe mercy – the mercy from God to not make Christianity wholly understandable, nor boil it down to pharisaical laws of which I can clearly either follow, or not.

Instead, I allow following Christ and taking up his easy yoke to maintain it’s true mystery and grace. If I have died with Christ, I shall also live with him.

Only in hopelessness can we entertain hope. God loves me enough to let me feel the awful severity of Divine nonsense, so that I may experience the real nature of Christ.

I suppose, then, that I am really dead to having to understand everything, and am instead alive to hope. And hope will not disappoint me.

Through dreams and visions, O God, you broaden the horizon and hope of your people, so that they may discover the meaning of your covenant, even in the midst of trial and exile. Increase the number of those who believe in your word so that all people may joyfully respond to your call and share in your promises. Amen.

The Illness of Our Era: What Is It?

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality BlogLeave a comment
Anxiety, by James Callaghan

Our contemporary society focuses primarily on a functional existence. In our pragmatism, we care a great deal about production, the things we can do and produce; and we are attentive of how we appear to others. Western culture is enamored with all things of the outer person that others can see, touch, hear, smell, and taste with physical senses.

The outer person is important. The way in which we present ourselves to the world does have meaning and significance. Yet, so does the inner person.

The Inner Person

I believe the inner person, the true self, the soul, is just as vital, if not more, than the outward displays we give to others. On the inside is where our motives and intents come from. The core of self is of utmost importance; it is the place where our inherent worth is found.

Being aware of this inner person (which I use interchangeably with “soul” and “true self”) gives us a guide for ordering our outer self – our activities, work, and relationships.

If we are unaware of what’s happening deep within us, or pay little to no attention to the soul, our outer person becomes a false self. A gross disconnect then occurs between how we think and feel within, and what we choose to display for everyone.

In paying attention to the inner person, we will likely find that there is a lot of anxiety within us. Anxiety may even transform itself into a despair of self and/or the world.

The Anxiety Within

This anxiety, however, is not all bad. It certainly can lead us to a struggle with life, an experience of strained relationships, and a crippling fear of what will happen. Yet it can also help us become in touch with the soul, and enable us to gain an awareness of what is happening within and what to do about it.

It is my firm understanding and unshakable conviction that if we are to learn anything at all about healthy functioning in this world, it must begin with learning about one’s self – the true self, the inner person, the soul.

Knowing Ourselves

“Without knowledge of self, there is no knowledge of God.”

John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion, Vol.1

As we commit ourselves to the journey within, we come to discover our place in the cosmos, and the image of God that is inherent in us. We come to know ourselves as integral to creation.

If we never gain this sense of humanity and of the divine, then we lose our special perspective on reality, and of the vital interconnectedness we have with God and others. Separateness then replaces the unity and oneness which exists. As a result, the person lives without a sense of their true place or function in this world.

Feelings of isolation and estrangement take over. This profound experience of disconnection with God, people, and even self creates a powerful sense of anxiety. Fear becomes a dominant theme. Unconscious emotions and desires drive the anxious person. A belief that my conscious self is all there is to me is a path of denial that leads to abject misery.

Knowing ourselves – before we know anything else – must be our pursuit. Failure to do this is perhaps why we live in such an era of worry, pessimism, and fear.

Addressing Our Fears

Have you ever felt that there is no one to whom you could turn to in your time of loneliness and despair?

Is there a time when you felt as if you were in a deep dark hole of quiet anxiety?

Did you ever brood over your situation in life so much that all of your courage melted like ice cream on a 100 degree day?

Was there a season in your life where you felt the world could not understand your grief?

Has God ever felt aloof to you, with your prayers seeming as if they were bouncing off the ceiling?

Depending upon who we are, the self believes that if I am right enough, help enough, achieve enough, unique enough, know enough, plan enough, party enough, lead enough, or withdraw enough, then I will relieve this bothersome anxiety and fear within me and can get on with life.

Others may seek solace in the finite things of this world. But that approach only exacerbates the existing problem. Believing that freedom from an ethereal illness can come by having more of something you can see only increases the despairing feelings.

Any sickness of the soul must be addressed by means of infinite resources.

The Need For Integration

If we lose ourselves, we are fragmented and in need of integration. The work needed is to bring our spiritual internal parts into a unified whole. This then puts us in a position to experience the grace and peace of God. Indeed, the process itself becomes the divine mercy and settled rest.

We tend to hold onto what we are afraid of experiencing. This very problem often becomes the solution. Our anxiety has the potential to lead us toward the grace of God, or away from it by self-conjured solutions and/or coping mechanisms.

Rather than holding our anxieties and fears close so that we can keep an eye on them, we need to let go of them. This is accomplished by actually feeling our feelings. By holding our emotions loosely, they can express themselves and then fly away.

If we never experience anxiety, worry, discouragement, fear, depression, or despair, then we internally see no reason whatsoever to pursue transformation of life – to go after that which is immortal and invisible.

The Apostle Paul’s Struggle

At the end of a frustrating litany of anxiety over his inability to control the trajectory of his inner self, the Apostle Paul concluded:

So I find it to be a law that, when I want to do what is good, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God in my inmost self, but I see in my members another law at war with the law of my mind, making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched person that I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! (Romans 7:21-25, NRSV)

Sin presupposes itself through anxiety. And anxiety awakens the awareness of needing freedom and deliverance. Worry is not our master. Anxiety has no authority over us. Fear merely exists for us to pay attention to something.

In Christianity, that something is a someone: Jesus. Christ is the Deliverer from sin, death, and hell. The oblivious and lonely darkness we find ourselves trapped within has a way out, or rather, up. A divine hand reaches from above to snatch us from our inky hole.

If humanity never had a need of God, people would not know themselves. They would fail to realize that there is immortality in their very souls.

Taking the Journey Within

It takes bravery to engage in a journey within, down into the core of one’s being. It’s neither a vacation nor a weekend adventure. The path unfolds slowly over time; it is circuitous, and often frustrating. Yet, when we find the incredibly bright blue diamond at the center, we immediately know every part of the journey was worth it.

The illness of our era is that we are soul-sick with anxiety, even despair, and most of us don’t know it. But why?

Like a cancer lurking unaware within the body, the years of ego construction has smothered the image and likeness of God within.

Anxiety becomes the initial symptom that something is askew with us. We’d better get checked out and find what the root problem is.

Are you up for the discovery of yourself, and thus, of God?

Beware of Your Fear (Mark 13:1-8)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year BLeave a comment

As he came out of the temple, one of his disciples said to him, “Look, Teacher, what large stones and what large buildings!” Then Jesus asked him, “Do you see these great buildings? Not one stone will be left here upon another; all will be thrown down.”

When he was sitting on the Mount of Olives opposite the temple, Peter, James, John, and Andrew asked him privately, “Tell us, when will this be, and what will be the sign that all these things are about to be accomplished?” 

Then Jesus began to say to them, “Beware that no one leads you astray. Many will come in my name and say, ‘I am he!’ and they will lead many astray. When you hear of wars and rumors of wars, do not be alarmed; this must take place, but the end is still to come. For nation will rise against nation and kingdom against kingdom; there will be earthquakes in various places; there will be famines. This is but the beginning of the birth pangs. (New Revised Standard Version)

In my undergraduate college days, decades ago, springtime brought a regular staple of sidewalk preachers calling for people to repent, because the end of the world is imminent.

That was in the days of the Cold War; the specter of a nuclear holocaust was a real fear among many. The outdoor preachers got a serious hearing with some.

Although religious end times preaching gets little attention anymore, the idea of a cataclysmic apocalypse is still very much a part of the culture. Dystopian novels are widely read; and stockpiling for a zombie apocalypse is a real thing.

End of the world stuff is, at the least, interesting and/or fascinating to many; and, at the most, there are folks fully prepared for an apocalypse of the world to happen in their lifetime.

Christ’s disciples asked him a question. And Jesus went directly to talking apocalypse.

In the Gospel of Mark, Jesus takes on demons and all sorts of other-worldly opposition. Christ is certainly presented by Mark as one who discerns there is much more going on – and will go on – in this world than what it may seem on the surface of things.

Jerusalem and Herod’s Temple, by James Tissot, c.1890

The disciples saw large and wonderful stones which were part of the temple. They marveled at what their physical eyes perceived. But Jesus saw further, into the future, and was not at all impressed; he saw a time of apocalypse. All of those stones in a heap. No one marveling over the temple.

Christ’s disciples wanted to know when such a time would happen. As was often the case with Jesus, he didn’t answer their question, at least not directly. He used it as an opportunity to teach about things to come.

The gist of Christ’s words to his disciples was to communicate that things are going to get worse than what they already are. The Roman occupation they were experiencing is nothing compared to what’s coming.

The apocalyptic language had been around in ancient Judea for a long time. There had been centuries of people talking about the world’s end.

Apocalyptic stuff is nothing new to contemporary folk, as well. Just mention the Book of Revelation and heads pop up, eyebrows raise, and imagination goes to seed.

We as biblical readers, however, need to observe that Jesus didn’t answer the question of his disciples. Which is perhaps something we must become more alert to.

Nobody knows when the end of the world will come. Not even Jesus. But that doesn’t seem to stop folks from asking anyway. Perhaps we need to ask a different question. Instead of asking “When will these things happen?” maybe we ought to ask, “What must I watch out for?”

The change of question orients us in a different way. Rather than end times speculation, we begin watching for things which are dangerous to humanity, things that bring upheaval to our world.

We start valuing awareness and observance, listening and contemplating. We learn to place our energies wisely into the things we believe truly matter in this life for the common good of all.

God is up to all sorts of kingdom business that is beyond our purview, and frankly, even beyond our ability to perceive or understand.

When we accept the exhortation of Jesus to “beware,” then we watch and look for things that are already here among us, and not get lost in a future we cannot predict. That type of future orientation only produces the kind of worry and anxiety that leads to fear.

And when fear takes root, it spawns the evils of hate and injustice. We become vulnerable to selfish incompetent leaders who make promises to take our fears away. We end up doing terrible acts against others, like imprisoning political opponents, denaturalizing and deporting citizens we don’t like, and creating fascist states that oppress others.

Fallen stones from the destruction of the Temple

But if we will wake up, hear the call of Jesus to beware, and awaken to our true commitment to the kingdom of God, we will then forsake fear-based tactics, and courageously help others in both body and soul.

It also means that, at times, we are off somewhere in centering and contemplative prayer, just like our Lord in the Garden of Gethsemane, knowing that the real source of power and authority is outside of us.

A true biblical view of the end times is about God working out divine purpose on behalf of all humanity. It isn’t about us and all of our fears and anxieties getting worked out in harmful ways.

The realization of a coming apocalypse must lead us toward faith and trust in the God who holds justice, righteousness, and mercy in good divine hands.

God has no limitations because of our questions. God will be God. God is who God is. Our task is to watch, remain faithful, and persevere until Christ returns to judge the living and the dead.

May it be so, to the glory of God.

True Greatness (Mark 9:30-37)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year BLeave a comment

They went on from there and passed through Galilee. He did not want anyone to know it, for he was teaching his disciples, saying to them, “The Son of Man is to be betrayed into human hands, and they will kill him, and three days after being killed, he will rise again.” But they did not understand what he was saying and were afraid to ask him.

Then they came to Capernaum, and when he was in the house he asked them, “What were you arguing about on the way?” But they were silent, for on the way they had argued with one another who was the greatest. 

He sat down, called the twelve, and said to them, “Whoever wants to be first must be last of all and servant of all.” Then he took a little child and put it among them, and taking it in his arms he said to them, “Whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me, and whoever welcomes me welcomes not me but the one who sent me.” (New Revised Standard Version)

In the Gospel of Mark, especially, there is an inexorable movement toward the Cross. It’s as if Jesus gets right down to it, and has a clarity of purpose and thought toward the future which shaped his words and actions in the present.

Today’s Gospel lesson has Jesus being forthright about what’s really important. Christ predicted his resurrection; chastised his disciples for their petty arguing; and lifted up a child as the model for what Christian discipleship truly looks like.

Even though Jesus was talking to his disciples about things that matter, things which they needed to wrap their heads and hearts around, they were afraid to ask him about it. Just so you know, that’s not healthy.

Sometimes Christ’s disciples were tight-lipped about things they ought to be asking about and openly discussing; and flapping their tongues about things they should have kept to themselves.

The motley crew of disciples were afraid to ask Jesus about his own words on his own death; and yet, they had no problem freely voicing and asking about who’s the greatest disciple amongst them. *Sigh*

The text doesn’t tell us why the disciples were afraid to ask and talk. But if they were anything like us today, it’s likely they were concerned about looking stupid or not in the know.

The disciples didn’t understand Christ’s words, but wanted to look like they understood just fine. After all, they may have reasoned, why risk getting ribbed or made fun of? Why risk the disappointment of Jesus concerning my cluelessness?

Typically, our internal fears about how we look to others is often greater than our desire to understand and know the truth.

We choose the shame of ignorance and hide-out deep within the soul’s secret lounge, where it’s dark, musty, and smells of inexpensive wine and cheap cigars. The longer we dwell in that poorly lit basement lounge, the harder it is to walk out and up the stairs to the light of grace, freedom, and understanding.

Jesus isn’t like whatever relative who hurt you with their calloused words and flippant attitude about your feelings, hopes, or desires.

Christ isn’t the teacher who ridiculed you in front of the whole class. That’s because Jesus Christ has the class to be gracious when we come out and admit what’s really going on within us.

I suspect Jesus was hard on his disciples because they should have known better than to be afraid in his presence. It demonstrated a profound lack of faith and trust.

Inevitably, whenever we opt to remain in the shame lounge of our soul, we then begin considering how to take the offensive in order to demonstrate our greatness and worthiness. And usually, there’s no better way than to do that than have a competition, and size up one another.

If Jesus could just affirm this competitive game and judge me as the best, we reason within the emptiness of our inner shame lounge, then I’ll forever be able to hide under that ratty old blanket of shame, and feel safe in this smelly place.

Prayer is really nothing more than addressing God and talking to the Lord. Oftentimes, the lack of consistent daily prayer is a telltale sign of being afraid to ask for help, clarification, or anything of substance, at all.

When we don’t pray, foolishness and bad decisions are close behind. Spiritual growth is then absent. Spiritual maturity is non-existent. And worldly tactics fill the spiritual vacuum.

Rather than being open about their questions concerning Christ’s words, the disciples’ fear led them to wonder how they stood with Jesus. In order to feel secure through one’s own efforts, we easily harbor resentment toward each other, and compete with one another to gain Christ’s approval.

Worry and anxiety, when coddled for too long, brings out an inordinate focus on one’s reputation with others; and a concern to look better in front of other people than one actually feels on the inside.

But Jesus is not one to play favorites, or to play childish games of posturing for attention. That’s because the way to greatness is not through impressing Jesus, or by being the Rabbi’s pet, but through focusing outward on something other than oneself.

It turns out that true greatness lies in humbly welcoming all – especially the ones who are the least, lost, and lonely, on the fringes of society.

We are to welcome the children, who are on the bottom rung, who need the help and assistance of others, as Christ did. We are to value them as fellow humans who are worthy of our time, attention, and effort.

Jesus did it for us. He showed us that the true measure of greatness is through humility and willingly loving others to incredibly great degrees. His disciples can and must do no less.

O God, our teacher and guide, you draw us to yourself and welcome us as beloved children. Help us to lay aside our envy and selfish ambition, so that we may walk in your ways of wisdom and understanding as servants of your peace. Amen.