Tag: 2 samuel

Tamar (2 Samuel 13:1-19)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year BLeave a comment
Tamar, by Alexandre Cabanel, 1875

In the course of time, Amnon, son of David fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom son of David.

Amnon became so obsessed with his sister Tamar that he made himself ill. She was a virgin, and it seemed impossible for him to do anything to her.

Now Amnon had an adviser named Jonadab son of Shimeah, David’s brother. Jonadab was a very shrewd man. He asked Amnon, “Why do you, the king’s son, look so haggard morning after morning? Won’t you tell me?”

Amnon said to him, “I’m in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.”

“Go to bed and pretend to be ill,” Jonadab said. “When your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘I would like my sister Tamar to come and give me something to eat. Let her prepare the food in my sight so I may watch her and then eat it from her hand.’”

So Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill. When the king came to see him, Amnon said to him, “I would like my sister Tamar to come and make some special bread in my sight, so I may eat from her hand.”

David sent word to Tamar at the palace: “Go to the house of your brother Amnon and prepare some food for him.” So Tamar went to the house of her brother Amnon, who was lying down. She took some dough, kneaded it, made the bread in his sight and baked it. Then she took the pan and served him the bread, but he refused to eat.

“Send everyone out of here,” Amnon said. So everyone left him. Then Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food here into my bedroom so I may eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the bread she had prepared and brought it to her brother Amnon in his bedroom. But when she took it to him to eat, he grabbed her and said, “Come to bed with me, my sister.”

“No, my brother!” she said to him. “Don’t force me! Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don’t do this wicked thing. What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you.” But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her.

Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, “Get up and get out!”

“No!” she said to him. “Sending me away would be a greater wrong than what you have already done to me.”

But he refused to listen to her. He called his personal servant and said, “Get this woman out of my sight and bolt the door after her.” So his servant put her out and bolted the door after her. She was wearing an ornate robe, for this was the kind of garment the virgin daughters of the king wore. Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the ornate robe she was wearing. She put her hands on her head and went away, weeping aloud as she went. (New International Version)

Tamar, David’s daughter, photo by Dikla Laor

There is a very sad reality that has been pervasive throughout human history. Sexual assault and rape has existed as long as people have been on this earth.

Today’s account of Tamar’s awful experience, of having her life upended and changed forever, and of being dehumanized – treated as an object and not as a person created in the image of likeness of God – is unfortunately a story of far too many women in history, as well as today.

To have this sort of thing happen to just one woman is unacceptable, and ought never to happen again. And yet, countless female lives (not to mention many male lives, as well) have been altered by another (or others) who only viewed them from a place of evil desire.

It isn’t right. It’s not just. It is not good. Downright ungodly is what it truly is. There is nobody who should ever have to go through something like Tamar did.

There are enough of these sorts of stories in history, in literature, and in the news, that it’s hard for past victims not to be re-traumatized all over again – remembering what happened in their own lives, and being triggered yet again with unwanted memories.

That is neither the Bible’s intention, nor mine. Rather, I want to acknowledge Tamar’s experience as having happened, and that it was not her fault in any way, shape, or form. I see Tamar, in the healthy sense of seeing. And I hope, if you in some way relate to Tamar, that you are seen this day by someone who cares, and by a God who understands and grieves along with you.

There’s no need for me, therefore, to rehash the particulars of today’s Old Testament story. This is a scriptural case in which reading it once is sufficient for today. The real question is what we are going to do with it.

For those who are concerned, and wonder how to help someone, a friend or family member, who has been harassed or assaulted, consider the following:

  • Believe them, period. There’s no need to ask a lot of probing questions, as if you’re trying to find the truth. Encourage and support, don’t judge or criticize.
  • Affirm to them that they are not alone. Offer your support and time. Let them know of resources which might help (see below).
  • Let them know this was not their fault. Avoid blaming or trying to find out what they could have done differently.
  • Empower them. It’s their choice to tell their story, or not; or what parts of the story they want to reveal. Do anything you can to let them know they have options, and that they are in control of the conversation.
  • Ask how you can help. “How can I help you?” assumes that the other person knows better than you do about what they need. And keep asking as the days, weeks, and months go on.
  • Tell them your observations. If they look mad or sad, anxious or depressed, or are doing something which seems concerning, offer your observations without judgment. You can always ask them if your own perspective is on, or off.
  • Refer to others who can help. A person in crisis needs more help, not less. Not only might they need a trained therapist, but they may also need other forms of support in order to cope with what happened. Changing a residence, dropping classes, or help with basic daily chores are examples of assistance they may want. They might also need others who can help them with unhealthy ways of coping such as alcohol or risky behaviors.
  • Know your own limits. Steer clear from trying to do the job of people who have the training to do it. Know what you can do and not do. Also, if you do all the problem-solving, they might miss opportunities to learn new ways of coping. For example they might be reluctant to confront important but painful issues in therapy if they have already been discussed with you.

A few resources of help for those affected by sexual assault:

The National Sexual Assault Hotline has confidential 24/7 support either online at online.rainn.org, or by phone at 800-656-4673

End Violence Against Women International (EVAWI) is an organization which is a catalyst for justice and healing, so that every survivor of sexual assault and domestic violence gets the right response, every time. The EVAWI specializes in trauma-informed law enforcement responses. You can find them online at evawintl.org

Rise serves to bring equality to sexual assault survivors across the country and around the world; and seeks to help anyone who has the vision and drive to pen their own rights into existence. They can be found at risenow.us

The National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV), a social change organization, is dedicated to creating a social, political, and economic environment in which violence against women no longer exists. You can find them online at nnedv.org

Gracious heavenly Father: You love and care for all of your children, especially the smallest and most vulnerable. We entrust to you the lives of the many who have been sexually abused, and whose trust and innocence have been destroyed. Help us to hear their cries of pain and to take responsibility for their broken lives.

May they may find understanding and support so that with the help of your grace their wounds may be healed, and they may again know peace. Grant this through our Lord Jesus Christ, your Son, who shared our weakness in all things but sin, and lives and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit forever and ever. Amen.

The Effects of Bad Decisions (2 Samuel 12:15-25)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year BLeave a comment
David and Nathan, by Angelika Kauffman (1741-1807)

After Nathan had gone home, the Lord struck the child that Uriah’s wife had borne to David, and he became ill. David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and spent the nights lying in sackcloth on the ground. The elders of his household stood beside him to get him up from the ground, but he refused, and he would not eat any food with them.

On the seventh day the child died. David’s attendants were afraid to tell him that the child was dead, for they thought, “While the child was still living, he wouldn’t listen to us when we spoke to him. How can we now tell him the child is dead? He may do something desperate.”

David noticed that his attendants were whispering among themselves, and he realized the child was dead. “Is the child dead?” he asked.

“Yes,” they replied, “he is dead.”

Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate.

His attendants asked him, “Why are you acting this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!”

He answered, “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, ‘Who knows? The Lord may be gracious to me and let the child live.’ But now that he is dead, why should I go on fasting? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.”

Then David comforted his wife Bathsheba, and he went to her and made love to her. She gave birth to a son, and they named him Solomon. The Lord loved him; and because the Lord loved him, he sent word through Nathan the prophet to name him Jedidiah. (New International Version)

The backstory to today’s Old Testament lesson is that King David not only screwed up, but he also jumped off the diving board into a big nasty pool of immoral excrement.

He saw a woman, Bathsheba, and had to have her. Thinking of only his desire, and not her needs, or that she was a married woman, he used his royal authority to get her. And he slept with her. What’s more, she became pregnant by the king.

At that point, David went to the dark side by covering up his immorality and shame. He eventually went so far as to ensure that Bathsheba’s husband, Uriah (who was both an upright man and an innocent victim) was killed in battle. The king again used his authority to arrange a murder to look like a death in military battle.

With Uriah dead, David brought Bathsheba to his palace as another one of his wives. And no one was the wiser… Except God, who was very displeased with the entire affair. So, the Lord sent Nathan the prophet to David. Through the savvy use of parable, Nathan was successful in helping the king to see his own terrible guilt.

To King David’s credit, he came to the point of recognizing his great faults, and repented of his awful doings. And to God’s credit, David was forgiven.

However, despite the reality of repentance and forgiveness, there are still consequences to our actions. And what is heartbreaking, is that the effects of our bad decisions and bad actions can and do affect others.

As a result of one man’s sin, a woman was violated, a man was murdered, and a baby was conceived, born, and soon died.

Bathsheba attends to her child as David fasts and prays, by W.A. Foster, 1897

King David came to the point of understanding this reality. True repentance, forgiveness, and faith, leads us to a real life which exudes genuineness and authenticity. It won’t undo the past; yet, it will affect the present, and can change the future – that is, if we let mercy and grace have its way.

David’s genuine fatherly love came from his restored place, and was shown by his authentic grieving and mourning. He did not want Bathsheba’s baby son to die. Yet, the child did die. Unfortunately, innocent people often become collateral damage because of another’s unthinking actions.

The king’s behavior, after the child died, shows his pained acceptance of the situation. And his consoling of Bathsheba is the first real evidence we have of David thinking of her instead of himself.

The story reassures us that God loves the next child born from Bathsheba and David. This baby (the future King Solomon) will not pay for his father’s crimes; nor will any other child that David fathers.

The typical trajectory of David’s life was to learn from God’s law and from the experiences God gave him. Yet, in the case of Bathsheba and Uriah, King David ended up learning the hard way that he could not rest on his laurels once he was in a secure and successful place in his life.

Maybe because David spent so much of his adult life facing life-and-death situations, that once he could relax a bit and not have to worry about his life, he let his spiritual and emotional guard down and fell into sin.

After committing adultery, David found himself in a spiritual and emotional place he had never been in before. Yet, instead of confessing his crime to God and making things right with Bathsheba and Uriah, he worked to cover up everything.

Specifically, shame is the place that David had never experienced before, at least to this degree. And when shame gets its poisonous talons into us, it is very hard to be open, real, genuine, and authentic.

In an effort to keep the secrets, the lies morph into more bad decisions, and more bad decisions become ever-increasing bad actions. It becomes a downward spiral of icky guilt which will never be assuaged apart from the divine tools of confession, repentance, faith, and reconciliation.

I trust and hope that it will not take a prophet like Nathan to show you and I how egregious some of our decisions and actions actually are.

Instead, we can make the daily decision to practice our spiritual disciplines, so that when we find ourselves in that good position of no longer having to fight for survival, we will be able to exercise wisdom from the largess of God’s grace which fills us.

Have mercy on me, O God,
    according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
    blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity
    and cleanse me from my sin. Amen. (Psalm 51:1-2, NIV)

Be Careful about Your Decisions (2 Samuel 11:14-21)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year BLeave a comment
David and Uriah, by Rembrandt, c.1665

In the morning David wrote a letter to Joab and sent it with Uriah. In it he wrote, “Put Uriah out in front where the fighting is fiercest. Then withdraw from him so he will be struck down and die.”

So while Joab had the city under siege, he put Uriah at a place where he knew the strongest defenders were. When the men of the city came out and fought against Joab, some of the men in David’s army fell; moreover, Uriah the Hittite died.

Joab sent David a full account of the battle. He instructed the messenger: “When you have finished giving the king this account of the battle, the king’s anger may flare up, and he may ask you, ‘Why did you get so close to the city to fight? Didn’t you know they would shoot arrows from the wall? Who killed Abimelek son of Jerub-Besheth? Didn’t a woman drop an upper millstone on him from the wall, so that he died in Thebez? Why did you get so close to the wall?’ If he asks you this, then say to him, ‘Moreover, your servant Uriah the Hittite is dead.’” (New International Version)

Today we have a lesson in the middle of a story about King David’s greatest error in judgment and cover up of that decision. Indeed, bad decisions can often beget even more bad decisions.

It would be an understatement to say that David blew it. Our Old Testament books of 1 and 2 Samuel are arranged by the original editor in such a way that the chapter of 2 Samuel 11 is a hinge upon which the life of David moves.

All of the material before 2 Samuel 11 is generally positive, describing a man devoted to God in every way. But everything after this chapter is mostly tragic. The editor wanted readers and listeners to understand that God cares about morality and ethics by showing the consequences of both a life well-lived, as well as a life that is self-centered.

Before our verses for today, the story begins with David choosing adultery and taking another man’s wife. King David should have been doing the work of a king – protecting and serving Israel. But instead, he hung out in Jerusalem and avoided all the needed military stuff. (2 Samuel 11:1)

The editor wants us to see that King David was shirking his responsibility, which then brought a set up for moral failure. It appears David was resting on his laurels, content with his victories and successes. For the most part, at the time, the nation was happy and prosperous.

The king was walking around on the roof of his palace, instead of being in the trenches with his men, leading them in the defense of Israel.

Rather than giving proper orders as a king ought to do, David was sending people to do his personal bidding in satisfying his earthly wants. This is a significant reversal of what we see from earlier chapters in the story of David.

Up to this point we have observed David as a merciful king, seeking to use power for benevolent purposes in the common good of the nation. But in today’s chapter, David turns into the typical earthly king, ordering others around and using his authority to get what he wants.

The editor wants us to learn some lessons from David’s life. One of those lessons is that if the right and just King David can fall, then none of us are immune from falling into bad decisions which alter people’s lives forever.

The moment we think we are above falling, look out, because an arrogant nose dive into depravity is probably not far behind.

The stories of people who fall into immorality are mostly the same. Having some power or authority to wield, they use it to assert control over another person or group in order to get what they want – without being concerned for the needs and wants of others, and usually unconcerned for the negative consequences it brings upon other people.

It’s important that we call such behavior what it is: Evil. Awful. Selfish. Ungodly. A violation of ethics and morality. An offense against God.

David committed adultery, then lied, manipulated others, and covered up his actions. He murdered an innocent man, and was okay with an entire regiment of soldiers getting killed to ensure that an innocent man would be dead.

None of that icky nasty stuff was a mistake, or a lapse in judgment. It was pre-meditated sin.

And the way to deal with such sin is not to say something like “I did it, but it wasn’t really me; I’m not really like that!” Well, apparently, you are. Maybe David thought he was above it all, and believed it wasn’t really something he could ever do. But he did.

David gives Uriah a letter for Joab, by Pieter Lastman, 1619

Once we make an immoral and ungodly decision, it often causes us to start selling-out our principles and convictions. Sin only begets more sin, until we deal with it squarely.

Truth is a celebration of openness and honesty. Shame keeps to the shadows and prizes secrecy and remaining quiet. If one chooses not to go down the path of truth, then they will be continually encrusting their lives with lies so that no one ever knows.

In fact, much of religious legalism is nothing more than a person piling on the rules in order for others to not see the guilt and shame that hides deep within. Only through confession, repentance, and faith, will forgiveness, wholeness, and happiness ever occur.

Yet another lesson we can learn from this story of David is that the results which may satisfy our wants may not necessarily satisfy our needs, or God.

David accomplished what he wanted. He was successful in covering up his sin, and he got the woman he wanted. But God saw the whole thing, and was not okay with any of it. 

We must not assume that because we do something, and there was no immediate lightning strike, that it was okay. 

To only selfishly satisfy ourselves is to be a spiritual cannibal who eats other people alive.

So, how might we avoid falling into the same sorts of bad decisions which befell David?

  • Make prayers of confession a regular staple of your daily spiritual regimen. Had David engaged in prayer on the roof instead of being bored, we would likely have a very different story.
  • Maintain an active and engaged mind. An idle mind is the devil’s workshop. David was wandering around the palace instead of actively engaged in the government of his kingdom.
  • Keep the Sabbath. A day of rest helps the body to be in healthy rhythms of care, as well as enabling the spirit to connect meaningfully with God. Without adequate rest, we are like the little kid in a grocery store at 9pm throwing a fit and having a meltdown. David got out of a healthy rhythm as king, and it led to a fall.
  • Strengthen your family relationships. If you are married, live from the place of your marriage. Marriage is more than living with someone and having occasional fun; it is a one-flesh relationship that is meant to be a priority. Only from this relational place can a spouse effectively take on the world with all its needs and brokenness. 
  • Submit to accountable relationships. There are far too many lonely people with few friends in this world, even among people who are constantly around others. Everyone needs a small coterie of confidants with whom to share anything and everything with.  David’s close friends were all out with the army, and he was alone. Not a good thing.
  • Avoid stuffing all desire down as selfish and bad. Jettisoning desire only sets us up for a fall. But identifying godly desire enables us to make better decisions which engage the whole person.

Almighty God, you are the fountain of all wisdom and grace. You know our needs before we even ask, and our ignorance in not asking for the things we really need. Have compassion on our weakness, and mercifully give us those things that in our blindness we don’t know to ask for. 

Gracious Lord, we acknowledge and confess our sinful nature, prone to evil and slow to good.  You know our secret sins, and how often we have offended you and damaged others through wandering from your ways, wasting your gifts, and forgetting your love. Cleanse us from our hidden sins and forgive our faults for the sake of your Son, our Savior, Jesus Christ who loved us and gave himself for us. Amen.

Learn a Lesson from Conflict (2 Samuel 10:13-19)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year BLeave a comment
David Attacks the Ammonites, by Gustave Doré, 1866

Then Joab and the troops with him advanced to fight the Arameans, and they fled before him. When the Ammonites realized that the Arameans were fleeing, they fled before Abishai and went inside the city. So Joab returned from fighting the Ammonites and came to Jerusalem.

After the Arameans saw that they had been routed by Israel, they regrouped. Hadadezer had Arameans brought from beyond the Euphrates River; they went to Helam, with Shobak the commander of Hadadezer’s army leading them.

When David was told of this, he gathered all Israel, crossed the Jordan and went to Helam. The Arameans formed their battle lines to meet David and fought against him. But they fled before Israel, and David killed seven hundred of their charioteers and forty thousand of their foot soldiers. He also struck down Shobak the commander of their army, and he died there. When all the kings who were vassals of Hadadezer saw that they had been routed by Israel, they made peace with the Israelites and became subject to them.

So the Arameans were afraid to help the Ammonites anymore. (New International Version)

Outward Conflict with Ammon

You would think that showing basic human kindness to another would always end well… Yet, not always. And King David found that out, the hard way.

David, having become king of Judah and Israel, demonstrated that his reign would be characterized by extending the sort of mercy and kindness that is characteristic of God.

Whereas David’s kindness was most often accepted, when it came to King Hanun and the Ammonites, it was misunderstood and rejected. The Ammonites humiliated King David’s sent ambassadors.

The delegation wanted to express David’s condolences to Hanun in the event of his father’s death. Then, after the Ammonites saw that King David was upset about how his ambassadors were treated, they mobilized a mercenary force of Arameans with Hadadezer leading the charge.

Both the Ammonites and the Arameans underestimated the experience and skill of the Israelite army under their commander Joab. Even though Joab was outnumbered, he conceived of a strategy that evened the odds.

All of this conflict, with preparations for battle and an escalating war, came about because a king wanted to show kindness to another. Indeed, this can be a very messed-up world that we inhabit!

The result of it all is that the Ammonites and the Arameans were soundly defeated by a smaller, yet much stronger, army with King David at the head. The Arameans became subject to Israel, and the Ammonites were left slack-jawed, not knowing what hit them.

Inner Conflict with Oneself

So, here we have David, who like all of us, is a bundle of contradictions. On the one hand, King David had his heart set on showing kindness and reflecting the heart of God in his rule and reign. And on the other hand, David is a soldier and a man of blood, who does an awful lot of killing people in his lifetime.

King David is both a paragon of moral behavior, and an example of immoral living.

He did not lift a finger against his former king who was trying to kill him; and evidenced a tender spirit through musical skill and an ability to write the psalms and songs of Israel.

Statue of King David, Copenhagen, Denmark

Yet also, King David demonstrated for us some of the worst immorality, of which is clearly seen in the next few chapters of his story in the book of 2 Samuel. Throughout David’s adult life, he took thousands of human lives in battle.

He came to fame by beheading Goliath; made his mark in Israel by killing Philistines for King Saul; survived in the wilderness while Saul was trying to kill him by killing Amalekites; and secured Israel’s borders through an enormous amount of killing.

I won’t do to simply say that the people David killed had it coming to them, or that he did all the things he did for the sake of the nation. That sort of reductionism smacks of mental laziness and purposeful ignorance.

Coming to Grips with Conflict

At the least, it seems to me that we must accept the biblical narratives as they are, and not as we want them to be, whenever there is difficulty in understanding a story.

We have the human condition in front of us every time we read a scriptural story. Either making it all good, or all bad, just won’t do – because all of us, like David, are a bundle of contradictions and paradoxes that often don’t make sense.

It turns out that, throughout Holy Scripture, we find stories of people who are no better and no worse than we ourselves. The ancient persons, like David, are those for whom a gracious God chose to use and work through – despite either their sinning or their saintliness.

We get a glimpse of how things were and how the Lord operated through the people of the time in their own political, social, economic, and religious contexts.

God comes to us, not merely from the outside by simply mandating commands and imposing control, but enters our lives on the inside, taking us as we are and graciously working with and within us to accomplish good and just purposes on this earth.

And, as it turns out, God uses whomever God wants to use, without doing some sort of divine screening interviews to find out who the most moral candidate is available for the job.

If you are looking for a bottom line in all of this mayhem, then I believe it is this: God loves us. God is with us. And God holds us – all of us, with our maddening combinations of kindness and kookiness – to establish a truly right and benevolent world characterized by humility, gentleness, mercy, purity, and peace.

It’s a rather long and messy process of bringing in such a way of life, but God is patient and will take the centuries and even the millennia needed to accomplish it.

It’s Not All About Human Conflict

Although we are a flawed and fallible people, we are nevertheless God’s people. At the end of it all, we discover that none of this was really a story about Ammonites or Israelites or David or Joab or anyone else; it is actually a story about God – because God is both the object and subject of every biblical narrative.

And what we discover about God is that there are divine initiatives happening all the time which are meant to help us and save us from ourselves. The Lord is sovereign over all creation, and brings salvation despite what we do or don’t do.

God’s kindness – shown and expressed through our own human kindness – will eventually and always win the day.

Almighty and everlasting God, whose will it is to restore all things in your well beloved Son, the King of kings and Lord of lords: Mercifully grant that the peoples of the earth, divided and enslaved by sin, may be freed and brought together under his most gracious rule; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. Amen.