Category: Christian Spirituality Blog

A Sad Family Situation (2 Samuel 14:25-33)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year BLeave a comment
David and Absalom, by Marc Chagall, 1956

In all Israel there was not a man so highly praised for his handsome appearance as Absalom. From the top of his head to the sole of his foot there was no blemish in him. Whenever he cut the hair of his head—he used to cut his hair once a year because it became too heavy for him—he would weigh it, and its weight was two hundred shekels by the royal standard.

Three sons and a daughter were born to Absalom. His daughter’s name was Tamar, and she became a beautiful woman.

Absalom lived two years in Jerusalem without seeing the king’s face. Then Absalom sent for Joab in order to send him to the king, but Joab refused to come to him. So he sent a second time, but he refused to come. Then he said to his servants, “Look, Joab’s field is next to mine, and he has barley there. Go and set it on fire.” So Absalom’s servants set the field on fire.

Then Joab did go to Absalom’s house, and he said to him, “Why have your servants set my field on fire?”

Absalom said to Joab, “Look, I sent word to you and said, ‘Come here so I can send you to the king to ask, “Why have I come from Geshur? It would be better for me if I were still there!”’ Now then, I want to see the king’s face, and if I am guilty of anything, let him put me to death.”

So Joab went to the king and told him this. Then the king summoned Absalom, and he came in and bowed down with his face to the ground before the king. And the king kissed Absalom. (New International Version)

Parents are people, and so, they don’t always make sense. David was both a king and a parent. And those two roles often got mixed and complicated for him.

David’s son Abasalom had killed another son, Amnon, who had sexually assaulted a daughter, Tamar, Abasalom’s sister. Yes, it sounds a lot like a Bible soap opera.

Joab, David’s military general (and cousin) convinces the king to bring Absalom back to Jerusalem, having fled Jerusalem after killing Amnon. And David did so. Yet, he gave an order that Absalom was not to come into his presence, even though David longed for his son.

It was a case of the nonsensical – the parental approach of yearning for an adult child, while at the same time, shunning and shaming them. Indeed, these were incongruent actions on the part of David.

When Tamar was assaulted, David found out and was very angry; yet he neither dealt with Tamar by giving her support and compassion, nor dealt with Amnon in meting out justice.

As for Absalom, David’s feelings for him did not translate into action. It appears the story wants us to see the wide gap between King David’s emotions and actions.

Perhaps the emphasis on Absalom’s sheer beauty is designed to emphasize the incongruence of David – this handsome man is put at arm’s length by his father. Furthermore, this behavior would eventually put David’s royal position in jeopardy.

When guilt and shame are not confronted, it leads to a downward spiral into continued levels of degradation.

The assault of Tamar led to the murder of Amnon, which led to the inactions of David. Everyone ended up responding to someone else’s guilt by adding their own guilt to it. In this scenario, everyone loses something, and there is a lot of unnecessary grief.

Abasalom returned to his hometown of Jerusalem. But everything had changed. He was simply existing. Honestly, Absalom needed something, anything, instead of living day after day in a house without any love or acceptance. Absalom was in that awkward place of wanting either mercy or judgment, acceptance or punishment, because to live in limbo was shrinking him to nothing.

For those who know the story of David and Absalom, you understand where all of this family dysfunction is leading; and it will not end well.

It could be that Jesus had this story in the back of his head when he told the parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15). Perhaps Christ wanted us to see what could happen when a father chooses to respond with actions of grace, acceptance, and undeserved kindness. Even though the son had done something awful and was full of guilt, when he finally made his way home, the father ran to him, embraced him, and accepted him with a blowout party.

We can only wonder what would have happened had David stepped into the situations of his children’s lives when they were going awry. Methinks that had David done so, with his characteristic wisdom and mercy, there would have been a very different outcome in his family.

One way of viewing this story is that the incongruence of King David toward Absalom, with his combination of longing and rejection, was a stubborn passive-aggressive refusal to give his son the grace and love which God had given to him. In light of the story’s eventual end, this view makes a lot of sense.

Yet, this doesn’t have to be the same for you or me in our family relationships today. We can choose to love, instead of inflexibly holding on to a denial of love. One can do all the mental gymnastics of justifying that denial by believing you’re teaching the kid a lesson, or giving them what they deserve, but it’s really, at it’s core, choosing not to love with the love provided by God.

Réconciliation d’Absalom et de David, by Gabriel de Saint-Aubin, 1752

Absalom eventually entered David’s throne room and received a kiss. But it was simply too little, too late. And that’s why, at some point after this, Absalom decided to replace his emotionally and actively distant father as king.

If guilt, shame, evil, and sin go unchecked for too long, it makes for a terrible mess of people’s lives; and usually results in either verbal violence, physical violence, or both.

But it doesn’t have to be that way….

For being quick to see the sins of others, and slow to repent of our own, forgive us, Lord.

For clinging to remembered hurts, and brushing off gestures of kindness, forgive us, Lord.

For the divisions among us that damage our mission to the world, forgive us, Lord.

For the work we have not done because we refused to do it together, forgive us, Lord.

For these and all our sins, O God, we weep in sorrow and ask for your forgiveness, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Family Drama (2 Samuel 13:37-14:24)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year BLeave a comment
The woman of Tekoa before King David, by Caspar Luiken, 1700

Absalom fled and went to Talmai son of Ammihud, the king of Geshur. But King David mourned many days for his son.

After Absalom fled and went to Geshur, he stayed there three years. And King David longed to go to Absalom, for he was consoled concerning Amnon’s death.

Joab son of Zeruiah knew that the king’s heart longed for Absalom. So Joab sent someone to Tekoa and had a wise woman brought from there. He said to her, “Pretend you are in mourning. Dress in mourning clothes, and don’t use any cosmetic lotions. Act like a woman who has spent many days grieving for the dead. Then go to the king and speak these words to him.” And Joab put the words in her mouth.

When the woman from Tekoa went to the king, she fell with her face to the ground to pay him honor, and she said, “Help me, Your Majesty!”

The king asked her, “What is troubling you?”

She said, “I am a widow; my husband is dead. I your servant had two sons. They got into a fight with each other in the field, and no one was there to separate them. One struck the other and killed him. Now the whole clan has risen up against your servant; they say, ‘Hand over the one who struck his brother down, so that we may put him to death for the life of his brother whom he killed; then we will get rid of the heir as well.’ They would put out the only burning coal I have left, leaving my husband neither name nor descendant on the face of the earth.”

The king said to the woman, “Go home, and I will issue an order in your behalf.”

But the woman from Tekoa said to him, “Let my lord the king pardon me and my family, and let the king and his throne be without guilt.”

The king replied, “If anyone says anything to you, bring them to me, and they will not bother you again.”

She said, “Then let the king invoke the Lord his God to prevent the avenger of blood from adding to the destruction, so that my son will not be destroyed.”

“As surely as the Lord lives,” he said, “not one hair of your son’s head will fall to the ground.”

Then the woman said, “Let your servant speak a word to my lord the king.”

“Speak,” he replied.

The woman said, “Why then have you devised a thing like this against the people of God? When the king says this, does he not convict himself, for the king has not brought back his banished son? Like water spilled on the ground, which cannot be recovered, so we must die. But that is not what God desires; rather, he devises ways so that a banished person does not remain banished from him.

“And now I have come to say this to my lord the king because the people have made me afraid. Your servant thought, ‘I will speak to the king; perhaps he will grant his servant’s request. Perhaps the king will agree to deliver his servant from the hand of the man who is trying to cut off both me and my son from God’s inheritance.’

“And now your servant says, ‘May the word of my lord the king secure my inheritance, for my lord the king is like an angel of God in discerning good and evil. May the Lord your God be with you.’”

Then the king said to the woman, “Don’t keep from me the answer to what I am going to ask you.”

“Let my lord the king speak,” the woman said.

The king asked, “Isn’t the hand of Joab with you in all this?”

The woman answered, “As surely as you live, my lord the king, no one can turn to the right or to the left from anything my lord the king says. Yes, it was your servant Joab who instructed me to do this and who put all these words into the mouth of your servant. Your servant Joab did this to change the present situation. My lord has wisdom like that of an angel of God—he knows everything that happens in the land.”

The king said to Joab, “Very well, I will do it. Go, bring back the young man Absalom.”

Joab fell with his face to the ground to pay him honor, and he blessed the king. Joab said,

“Today your servant knows that he has found favor in your eyes, my lord the king, because the king has granted his servant’s request.”

Then Joab went to Geshur and brought Absalom back to Jerusalem. But the king said, “He must go to his own house; he must not see my face.” So Absalom went to his own house and did not see the face of the king. (New International Version)

By Bible Art

Absalom’s sister, Tamar, was sexually assaulted by their half-brother Amnon. As a result, Absalom brought Tamar to live in his house, because she had become a desolate woman.

When their father, King David, heard all this, he was, of course, furious; yet, he did nothing. And Absalom never talked to Amnon again; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar.

For two years, Abasalom stewed on the terrible event of his sister’s assault. When the man’s bitterness came to it’s full poison, Abasalom created a ruse in order to kill Amnon. And the murderous plot was successful.

Then, Absalom fled and went to Geshur (north of Israel, in present day Syria) and stayed there three years. King David longed to go to Absalom, but he never did, nor did he do anything, either good or bad.

All of that stuff is what led up to today’s story about bringing Absalom back. When I was younger, I would read these stories of David and his sons and scratch my head as to why a guy that’s so wise to so many things seems stupid when it comes to his own family.

And then I became a father myself, with grown adult children. Now, I understand David’s actions and in-actions. I get it. When it comes to being a parent of adult kids, there is a very different perspective. It’s an outlook that’s hard to communicate and put into words.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s how God looks at us.

The nearest I can get to describing it, is that the sense of awe and wonder at that little baby being born never quite goes away.

The incredible and seemingly miraculous thing we call childbirth creates a view that this human being is so special, there is always hope they will become a little child again, that is, not literally, but in the sense of being yet again humble, right, good, and endearing – that the relational value will return.

In this sense, a parent never loses hope. And I think that is something of what King David was experiencing with his own adult children. What’s more, it seems that God has this unfailing love for us that continually longs for humanity to come back to the divine relationship.

God appears in Holy Scripture as this heavenly Father (and Mother) who is slow to judgment and long on steadfast love and covenant loyalty. The Lord is not slow in keeping promises or doing what is right. Rather, God is patiently waiting for humans to come to repentance and faith.

Admittedly, there is the sense that King David seems unreasonable, that he was unwilling to do something about his adult children’s shenanigans. Yet, there is also this sense of longing, of King David knowing the potential of his children, and holding out the hope that they will live into who they were created to be on this earth.

I definitely don’t think David always got it right. But he also didn’t always get it wrong, either. Which is pretty darned close to how every parent is doing, if we are honest about it. So, here is a blessing for parents of adult children:

May the Lord bless your adult children with the gift of the Holy Spirit. May they be filled with faith, hope, love, peace, truth, and spiritual power, so that they may be blessed and be a blessing to others.

And may God guide parents everywhere with discernment and wisdom, so that everything they do will come from the place of grace, truth, and love. Amen.

The Feeding of the Four Thousand (Mark 8:1-8)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year BLeave a comment
Miracle of the Loaves and Fishes, by Giovanni Lanfranco, c.1620

In those days when there was again a great crowd without anything to eat, he called his disciples and said to them, “I have compassion for the crowd because they have been with me now for three days and have nothing to eat. If I send them away hungry to their homes, they will faint on the way—and some of them have come from a great distance.” 

His disciples replied, “How can one feed these people with bread here in the desert?” He asked them, “How many loaves do you have?” They said, “Seven.” 

Then he ordered the crowd to sit down on the ground, and he took the seven loaves, and after giving thanks he broke them and gave them to his disciples to distribute, and they distributed them to the crowd. They had also a few small fish, and after blessing them he ordered that these, too, should be distributed. 

They ate and were filled, and they took up the broken pieces left over, seven baskets full. Now there were about four thousand people. And he sent them away. And immediately he got into the boat with his disciples and went to the district of Dalmanutha. (New Revised Standard Version)

This was an incredible miracle by Jesus. And it was also an incredible lack of faith on the part of his disciples. Christ had already taught them an important faith lesson by feeding 5,000 people earlier. You’d think they would have gotten it right this time.

It appears that the disciples were anxious about the situation. After all, whenever we are given to anxiety within a stressful circumstance, we typically are not thinking wisely about what to do.

There simply was no evidence that the disciples were tapping into their wise minds – even though they could have. And there’s where the rub is: Do we have the wherewithal to pause, in order to connect with what and who we know?

Let’s notice in the story that Jesus did not seem at all perturbed by the disciples’ small faith. And he certainly was not hindered in any way by the meager supply of food which was on hand. So, a remedial lesson was provided.

All the food the disciples pulled together was given to Jesus. It wasn’t much for thousands of people. Seven loaves of bread and a few fish. Yet, Christ transformed it into enough to feed the entire crowd of mostly Gentiles, without depriving the disciples of their share. They collected enough to fill seven baskets large enough to hold a man.

So there’s the lesson redone and restated, but with a different twist. Whereas the earlier miracle of food was provided for mostly Jews, the feeding of the four thousand consisted of nearly all Gentiles.

Perhaps the disciples did not really want a miracle to begin with. Maybe they believed their ministry ought to be with Israel, and not the heathen nations around them. It could be that Christ’s disciples simply did not want to be in Gentile territory at all, let alone have to engage in ministry to them, up close and personal.

So, we may be dealing with something more than an issue of faith; we might be looking at plain old fashioned prejudice against another group of people. Discriminatory behavior shrinks one’s faith and makes it small – whereas including others, and seeing their inherent worth as God’s image-bearing creatures, increases our faith and helps it grow large.

Jesus had a heart big enough, a mind open enough, and more than enough ability to make the miracle of food happen. In other words, Christ wanted to do it. He had compassion on the people, regardless of the fact that they were not like him.

It could be that a lesson in prejudice was the teaching he wanted them to get a hold of.

We see in today’s story a trajectory of inclusion, that the kingdom of God is meant to be full of diverse people from every nation, race, and background. Jesus purposely went to the Decapolis, a geographical region with a lot of different people – mostly non-Jews.

The Decapolis (which means “Ten Cities”) was a group of ten Hellenistic cities. It was a center of Greek and Roman culture, in a region mostly populated by Jews and Arameans. Each city functioned as a sort of city-state which was dependent upon Rome. There was enough diversity within the Decapolis itself which seemed to prevent them from working together as an organized region.

When it comes to Christian ministry, there are often two issues going on, namely because ministry is all about working with people. One is that we may have a problem, like the disciples of old, in going to a place we’ve never been before – and really don’t ever want to go. We have particular ideas about the people who live there and what they’re like – and we’d rather not have to deal with them.

The second issue is that we may have a problem with ourselves. Unlike the first issue in which we wonder why Jesus would care about those people, the second is wondering if Jesus really cares about me.

In this, you have no problem believing that Jesus would go to the Decapolis and have compassion on the Gentiles. But you struggle with God caring for you, and that Jesus could ever use you in ministry to people like those in the Decapolis. You can think of all sorts of other people who could do the job much better than yourself.

Since you know yourself pretty well, you understand your own doubts, weaknesses, and sins; and have a hard time trusting that the Lord could or would want to involve you in any ministry.

We, of course, could read today’s Gospel lesson from either of the two issues. Yet, we probably need not make it an either/or issue; it may be more of a both/and issue.

That is, Christ’s disciples – including those past and present – likely struggle with both: We continually keep finding that we have personal prejudices which prevent us from reaching out to particular people; and we also have personal insecurities and inhibitions about God truly loving us enough to use us in effective ministry.

Within the story of Jesus feeding the four thousand, both issues can find their resolution. The fact of the matter is that Jesus cared about the people in the region of the Decapolis, and created a miracle in order to take care of them; and, Jesus used a group of men who probably were likely prejudiced, and also insecure about being used for such a ministry.

May you know that you are infinitely loved by God – and loved alongside all sorts of other people, as well, from everywhere in every place. And may you understand that God has you on this earth to be a blessing to all kinds of persons.

May it be so, to the glory of God. Amen.

Tamar (2 Samuel 13:1-19)

On By Tim EhrhardtIn Christian Spirituality Blog, Daily Bible Reading Blog, Year BLeave a comment
Tamar, by Alexandre Cabanel, 1875

In the course of time, Amnon, son of David fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom son of David.

Amnon became so obsessed with his sister Tamar that he made himself ill. She was a virgin, and it seemed impossible for him to do anything to her.

Now Amnon had an adviser named Jonadab son of Shimeah, David’s brother. Jonadab was a very shrewd man. He asked Amnon, “Why do you, the king’s son, look so haggard morning after morning? Won’t you tell me?”

Amnon said to him, “I’m in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.”

“Go to bed and pretend to be ill,” Jonadab said. “When your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘I would like my sister Tamar to come and give me something to eat. Let her prepare the food in my sight so I may watch her and then eat it from her hand.’”

So Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill. When the king came to see him, Amnon said to him, “I would like my sister Tamar to come and make some special bread in my sight, so I may eat from her hand.”

David sent word to Tamar at the palace: “Go to the house of your brother Amnon and prepare some food for him.” So Tamar went to the house of her brother Amnon, who was lying down. She took some dough, kneaded it, made the bread in his sight and baked it. Then she took the pan and served him the bread, but he refused to eat.

“Send everyone out of here,” Amnon said. So everyone left him. Then Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food here into my bedroom so I may eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the bread she had prepared and brought it to her brother Amnon in his bedroom. But when she took it to him to eat, he grabbed her and said, “Come to bed with me, my sister.”

“No, my brother!” she said to him. “Don’t force me! Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don’t do this wicked thing. What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you.” But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her.

Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, “Get up and get out!”

“No!” she said to him. “Sending me away would be a greater wrong than what you have already done to me.”

But he refused to listen to her. He called his personal servant and said, “Get this woman out of my sight and bolt the door after her.” So his servant put her out and bolted the door after her. She was wearing an ornate robe, for this was the kind of garment the virgin daughters of the king wore. Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the ornate robe she was wearing. She put her hands on her head and went away, weeping aloud as she went. (New International Version)

Tamar, David’s daughter, photo by Dikla Laor

There is a very sad reality that has been pervasive throughout human history. Sexual assault and rape has existed as long as people have been on this earth.

Today’s account of Tamar’s awful experience, of having her life upended and changed forever, and of being dehumanized – treated as an object and not as a person created in the image of likeness of God – is unfortunately a story of far too many women in history, as well as today.

To have this sort of thing happen to just one woman is unacceptable, and ought never to happen again. And yet, countless female lives (not to mention many male lives, as well) have been altered by another (or others) who only viewed them from a place of evil desire.

It isn’t right. It’s not just. It is not good. Downright ungodly is what it truly is. There is nobody who should ever have to go through something like Tamar did.

There are enough of these sorts of stories in history, in literature, and in the news, that it’s hard for past victims not to be re-traumatized all over again – remembering what happened in their own lives, and being triggered yet again with unwanted memories.

That is neither the Bible’s intention, nor mine. Rather, I want to acknowledge Tamar’s experience as having happened, and that it was not her fault in any way, shape, or form. I see Tamar, in the healthy sense of seeing. And I hope, if you in some way relate to Tamar, that you are seen this day by someone who cares, and by a God who understands and grieves along with you.

There’s no need for me, therefore, to rehash the particulars of today’s Old Testament story. This is a scriptural case in which reading it once is sufficient for today. The real question is what we are going to do with it.

For those who are concerned, and wonder how to help someone, a friend or family member, who has been harassed or assaulted, consider the following:

  • Believe them, period. There’s no need to ask a lot of probing questions, as if you’re trying to find the truth. Encourage and support, don’t judge or criticize.
  • Affirm to them that they are not alone. Offer your support and time. Let them know of resources which might help (see below).
  • Let them know this was not their fault. Avoid blaming or trying to find out what they could have done differently.
  • Empower them. It’s their choice to tell their story, or not; or what parts of the story they want to reveal. Do anything you can to let them know they have options, and that they are in control of the conversation.
  • Ask how you can help. “How can I help you?” assumes that the other person knows better than you do about what they need. And keep asking as the days, weeks, and months go on.
  • Tell them your observations. If they look mad or sad, anxious or depressed, or are doing something which seems concerning, offer your observations without judgment. You can always ask them if your own perspective is on, or off.
  • Refer to others who can help. A person in crisis needs more help, not less. Not only might they need a trained therapist, but they may also need other forms of support in order to cope with what happened. Changing a residence, dropping classes, or help with basic daily chores are examples of assistance they may want. They might also need others who can help them with unhealthy ways of coping such as alcohol or risky behaviors.
  • Know your own limits. Steer clear from trying to do the job of people who have the training to do it. Know what you can do and not do. Also, if you do all the problem-solving, they might miss opportunities to learn new ways of coping. For example they might be reluctant to confront important but painful issues in therapy if they have already been discussed with you.

A few resources of help for those affected by sexual assault:

The National Sexual Assault Hotline has confidential 24/7 support either online at online.rainn.org, or by phone at 800-656-4673

End Violence Against Women International (EVAWI) is an organization which is a catalyst for justice and healing, so that every survivor of sexual assault and domestic violence gets the right response, every time. The EVAWI specializes in trauma-informed law enforcement responses. You can find them online at evawintl.org

Rise serves to bring equality to sexual assault survivors across the country and around the world; and seeks to help anyone who has the vision and drive to pen their own rights into existence. They can be found at risenow.us

The National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV), a social change organization, is dedicated to creating a social, political, and economic environment in which violence against women no longer exists. You can find them online at nnedv.org

Gracious heavenly Father: You love and care for all of your children, especially the smallest and most vulnerable. We entrust to you the lives of the many who have been sexually abused, and whose trust and innocence have been destroyed. Help us to hear their cries of pain and to take responsibility for their broken lives.

May they may find understanding and support so that with the help of your grace their wounds may be healed, and they may again know peace. Grant this through our Lord Jesus Christ, your Son, who shared our weakness in all things but sin, and lives and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit forever and ever. Amen.